Karkat: Fall in Love
by ApostituteofKirkwall
Summary: Humanstuck AU. Karkat is an eighteen year old trying to make it on his own. Gamzee is a rich kid looking for room mate in his apartment. Karkat takes up the offer and prays his new room mate won't hate him for being gay. Male x Male. GamKar. Rated M for sexual themes and triggers.
1. Move Along

His name was Karkat Vantas and he was gay. His adoptive parents were extremely homophobic so the only ones who knew were his older brother Kankri and his two friends Terezi Pyrope and Sollux Captor. Those were the only people he trusted with the information of his sexuality and for good reason. Kankri was gay himself and dating a guy named Cronus Ampora, the older brother of Sollux's crush, Eridan.

Sollux was bisexual and often looked at like he was some sort of unicorn or some shit like that, and Terezi was blind and just didn't care if someone was gay or not.

Karkat hated his home life. It was depressing and suffocating. When he was ten and Kankri was thirteen, their father had been murdered and their adoptive grandmother(the woman who'd raised their father from birth) couldn't take care of them financially. She was busy raising her biological granddaughters, who proved to be expensive to raise.

So, Kankri and Karkat were sent to an adoption center and were adopted right away. Now they lived with Mr and Mrs Dowell, who tried everything in their power to get the Vantas boys to call them mom and dad, but nothing ever worked. The boys were set in calling them Sir and Ma'am, not wanting to replace their birth parents in their minds.

Karkat and his brother both had developed severe cases of insomnia and depression, both from the pain of being closeted. They'd accepted their sexuality and told each other at the same time. They were about to tell the Dowells one night at dinner, when Mr. Dowell had brought up a gay man that worked with him. "There's this gay fellow that I work with." he'd said, saying the word gay like it gross. "He's openly homosexual, he even brought his boyfriend to work today! Can you believe they would let people like that work?!" His wife had agreed with him and said, "Gay people are disgusting sinners. And even if they weren't sinning, what would be the point of the relationship? They cannot create life. They will bare no children."

That was the day the brothers learned to keep their mouths shut about their sexuality. When Kankri had started to date Cronus, they'd act like friends if they were at the Dowell's, but eventually, Kankri got annoyed with his abstinence vow one day and broke it by going to Cronus's and having sex. After that day, Cronus stopped coming over and Kankri spent less time home. And now, Kankri was 21 and had long since moved in with Cronus and his family, who were very accepting of the LGBTQ community.

So, Karkat was left pretty much alone until he graduated, which would be in a week. Until then, stolen scotch and razor blade would tide him over. He swore he'd stop when he was moved out.

Currently, he was scrolling through the internet, looking at rooms and apartments for rent. He had his own car, bought for him by Cronus's father as a gift, and he had a job at the local Target. Being only eighteen and unable to pay for an apartment by himself, he was looking for a cheap apartment he could share with either Terezi or Sollux. Well, Sollux mainly. Terezi was blind and couldn't work really, plus she was already paying for law school.

Karkat's eye stopped on a specific ad an apartment complex had posted. The ad read as such.

**Room mate wanted!**

**Must have job and a car and willing to help with household chores and rent and bills.**

**Males only. (For reasons the tenant would not explain.)**

**Apartment number is CAP- 69.**

**Please call the manager at (828) 255-0056 or the tenant at (967)894- 3078**

**Thank you.**

Karkat looked at the ad, faintly amused by the males only part. He clicked on it and looked at the pictures of the apartment the the tenant had taken for the ad. The apartment was nice and clean, save for one or two soda bottles and a few pie tins. It was spacious and nice. The only issue was, only one bedroom. Well, the rent was cheap and if he was only paying half it wouldn't be so bad.

It was only one pm, why not call? Karkat picked up his phone and dialed the manager's number. The phone rang for a few moments before the manager answered. "Alternian Apartments, how may I help you?"

"Hello. I'm responding to the room mate wanted ad you put up on your website for apartment CAP-69."

"Ah! I didn't think anyone would actually respond!"

Karkat made a mental note to be on this guys good side the whole phone call. If he played nice, maybe he'd get the apartment. Before getting to personal details about the current tenant, they merely spoke about how the situation was going to work, who would pay rent, yadda yadda. Typical things. "May I ask about the guy who placed the ad?" Karkat asked, playing with a pen he'd been taking notes with. The manager seemed hesitant, but answered anyway.

"The current tenant is... Odd. He cusses a lot, he's real tall, has a gruff voice, but is really nice. He likes to wander around the offices and pool area a lot."

"Age?"

"Oh ah, twenty."

Karkat blinked. The guy was only twenty? Well, that would explain the shitty soda he saw in the pictures. Most twenty year olds didn't really have their shit together. "I should also say, he takes medication. He needs it apparently for... "Voices"." Great, he might get to be roomies with a schizo. Oh well, this was the best thing he'd found so far. "His name?"

"Gamzee Makara. Anyways, you come on by tomorrow and we'll get you all sorted out."

"Okay. Thank you. Bye."

Karkat hung up the phone and grinned. He was gonna get out of this place for good.

* * *

Out of all days for the Dowells to barge into his room, they had to choose the day he was making an online dating profile. He was doing it for shits and giggles, mostly, but it was still super embarrassing. "Karkat, what are you doing?" Mrs, Dowell asked as she walked up behind Karkat, husband at her side.

Karkat panicked and slammed his laptop shut, blushing furiously. "Nothing!" he said. "Absolutely nothing!"

"Looks to me like you were signing up for online dating."

Kakrat sighed and half glared at his adoptive father. The guy had always been blunt and nosy, not knowing that teens wanted their own space it seemed. "We're going out to eat, join us?" Karkat shook his head and stood up. "I have some to meet someone and talk about being their room mate." he said, grabbing his cell phone and keys and anything else he needed to be able to get the apartment.

Of course, he was stopped by Mrs. Dowell, who looked extremely concerned. He should have expected this, so he was prepared with a lie. "The guy's name is Gamzee Makara." he explained, that being the only truth he'd tell. "He was a friend of mine when he was a senior and I was a sophomore." The lie seemed to satisfy Mrs. Dowell, but not her nosy as fuck, asshole of a husband. "Just a friend?" he asked. He'd always been suspicious of his adopted son's sexuality after not seeing him bring any girls home. He didn't even take a proper date to prom! He'd taken his friend Terezi and just as a friend!

"I'm not gay, oh my god!" Karkat shouted, chucking a pencil at the asshole blocking his way. "I'm only asking because it isn't natural, son." Son?! No! Karkat leaned up and got in the older male's face. "Natural?! Is this natural enough for you, jack ass?! Holy shit! Call in the Discovery Channel because this is nature in fucking action!" He gathered his things again and ran out of the house and to his car. They had no right to tell him what was and wasn't natural. The only species on Earth that was homophobic was humanity, that wasn't natural!

He took in a deep breath as he drove, trying to calm himself as fought back angry tears. He had the shittiest habit of crying when he was angry. He supposed it was because of his anxiety and depression.

* * *

At the Alternian Apartments managing office, Karkat stood at the desk, occasionally ringing the little bell, waiting anxiously for the manager. He waited for about twenty minuets before the guy finally appeared, smile on his face. "May I help you?" he asked, walking over. Karkat sighed and nodded. "I called yesterday about that room mate thing the guy in CAP-69 posted." The manager's eyes widened. "You're younger than I thought you'd be." he said, eyeing Karkat up and down. The Cancer sighed and held out his driver's license and birth certificate to the manager, who took them to read them over.

After a minuet, he seemed satisfied and smiled as he handed the paperwork back. "Here is an application." Karkat nodded and took it, looking it over. It was all pretty basic. Name, social security, phone number, yadda yadda. One thing did catch his eye however. It was a question pertaining to allergies. As far as he knew, he didn't have allergies and was sure people would avoid their allergens anyways.

He chose to ignore the oddness of the question and finished filling out the application as honestly as he could.


	2. Indigo Eyes

It was a few days before his application got approved, but when it did, Karkat had just gotten home from graduation and he couldn't have felt happier. He was finally going to be able to get out of this hell hole and into an new apartment. As he went about his room packing what he needed and wanted to take, his phone rang. Karkat looked over as his phone played his "Rejection Ringtone", the one he'd set for unknown numbers. Normally he didn't answer these calls, but today he was in such a good mood, he figured why not entertain an unknown number.

"Hello?" He asked, answering the phone, holding it between his shoulder and cheek. "Yo, is this Karkat?" Karkat blinked and stopped packing. This wasn't a telemarketer, they never knew peoples names. "Yes, who is this?"

"Your new room mate. Name's Gamzee."

Karkat let out a sigh of relief. It was just the guy he was going to be living with. The manager had likely given the guy his number. "Oh, hey." he said in a more friendly and relaxed tone. "Can I ask why you're calling?"

"Ah, bro, I just wanted to all up and motherfucking see who I'd be up and rooming with."

The Cancer nearly snorted in amusement and annoyance at the way Gamzee spoke. It was floaty and he drew out some words and he cussed a hell of a lot it seemed. Not that he was much better himself. Most of the time he cussed, sometimes at every other word when he was pissed. His swearing habit had often gotten him into trouble with Kankri, who seemed obsessed with warning people about triggers. He was a social justice blogger on Tumblr, but had always aspired to be a preacher of sorts like their father.

Their father, who most referred to as Signless, had always made Kankri believe he was a religious pastor or something like that, but Karkat had known better. He knew their father was actually more of a protester. Kind of something like Martin Luther King Jr. or something. Signless had protested against Discrimination laws, the kind that could give businesses the right to refuse business to people for things like sexuality or skin color. Karkat supposed that their father was where Kankri had unknowingly gotten his social justice... Thing.

"What exactly do you want to know?" He heard Gamzeee chuckle lowly into the phone, sending chills up the younger's back. The chuckle was unusually... Sexy. "How about your age, height, hair color, and eye color?"

"That's pretty god damn specific, fuck ass."

Gamzee laughed. "I know, but I wanna now who to look for either tomorrow or later tonight." he said, actually eager to get a room mate. Karkat sighed, figuring that it wouldn't be too bad if he gave that much to this guy. "I'm eighteen, I'll be nineteen next week on the twelfth. I'm five foot two, I have red hair dyed black and red-brown eyes... You?"

Karkat heard the other hum before he answered. "Well, little motherfucker," he started, a clear grin in his voice as he spoke. "I'm twenty years-old, I'll be twenty-one on motherfucking December twenty-second. I'm six foot two, I got dark brown hair dyed black, and I got indigo eyes." Karkat's breath quietly hitched as he thought about someone with indigo eyes. Sure, he'd seen people with purple eyes, his soon to be brothers and father in law in law, Cronus, Eridan, and Dualscar, had purple eyes, but indigo... Indigo was a deeper shade of purple with more blue in it.

It was one of his favorite colors. "Holy fuck, indigo?!" he asked, still shocked. Gamzee laughed, happy to have someone to talk to.

* * *

"Karkat!" Karkat looked over his shoulder at his brother, who had barged into the room. Kankri was grinning widely, gift wrapped box in his hands. Normally, he'd be pissed about someone walking into his room, but... This was his older brother. Karkat raced over and hugged Kankri, burying his face into the soft fabric of his brother's trademark red sweater.

"I missed you." he mumbled, sighing happily as Kankri's arms wrapped around him, making him feel safe. He'd never admit it, but Karkat loved to be cuddled, especially by his older brother. Kankri, despite being annoying as all hell, had this arua, this... Energy, that just made Karkat feel safe. It might have had something to do with Kankri always defending him.

"Are you moving out already?" Karkat pulled back and looked up at his brother, taking the present. "Yeah." he answered, fingering the crab wrapping paper. "I got a room mate too. He's named Gamzee."

"Hey, chief."

Karkat looked behind his brother at Cronus, who was leaning on the door. Karkat loved Cronus like family but the guy was ridiculous. He dressed like he was a greaser in the fucking 50's. Only he didn't smoke. Most people thought he did because of the ever present cigarette in his mouth. Cronus said his father smoked enough for three people in a day, which was believable seeing as Dualscar always smelled like tobacco, so he was extremely put off by cigarettes. "Hey, Cronut." Karkat responded, busying himself with opening the gift. "You guys gonna take vows soon?." Cronus nodded and wandered over to the bed and sat down.

"Yeah, chief. We're gonna walk the aisle in about a month. You wanna be maid of honor?" Karkat rolled his eyes and finished opening the box. Inside was a bright candy red crab plush and a framed picture of Kankri and Karkat. It was a picture that had been taken when Kankri was going through a pastel goth phase in junior year and Karkat was in the obscure grunge group in freshman year. They had been at a party at the Captor household and it was the same day Sollux and Mituna's father, Psiioniic, told them that he'd known their father.

It was one of the best memories he had from his time in the Dowell's house. "Thanks, Kankri." Karkat mumbled, trying to not cry. He wanted to cry so bad, but he hated crying in front of his brother. It made him feel weak and childish. "Oh, Karkat. It's okay." Karkat sniffled as Kankri wiped his face. "I'm sorry if I've triggered you."

"Oh shut up. I'm just happy."

Kankri smiled and chuckled. Out of all the people he cared about, he loved his baby brother the most. He was the kind of older brother that would drop everything and run if he had to to help his little brother. Karkat was number one in his world. He had to protect him and make sure he was happy. "Want me to drive with you to your new place?" Karkat nodded, happy to have his brother offer to be with him. "Let me just finish packing up."

* * *

As he drove over to the apartment with his brother, Cronus driving behind them, Karkat thought about exactly what Gamzee looked like. He'd heard from his new landlord that the guy had tanned skin, was tall and thin, and that the guy's hair was a severe mess of curls and tangles and that his eyes seemed droopy, for lack of a better word.

Kankri was talking about something involving his upcoming wedding and having Karkat be Cronus's best man, either that or the ring bearer. Honestly, the younger Vantas didn't care what he was at the wedding. He just wanted to forget about the Dowell household. Somehow, he'd managed to pack everything he owned up into his car. Obviously, he'd left big furniture there, but he'd taken his bedding, clothes, hygienic objects, all his tech, and his food. (Yes, he had his own food because the Dowells had learned he was super picky about what he ate.)

"Have you spoken to your new room mate?" Karkat glanced over at his brother and nodded. "He called earlier." he replied, pulling into the complex. It wasn't the best looking place, but it was certainly better than the ghetto. For some reason it seemed that the ghettos were always the shittiest placed to look at, let alone live. Trashed, covered in graffiti, and usually the people looked at you funny. Karkat would know. Some of his friends lived in the ghetto. Well, two of them. His friend Tavros, who was still a year from graduating, and their shared friend Equius.

Okay Equius was Nepeta's friend, who was friends with both Karkat and Tavros, but Equius was still considered their friend. Even though he sweat more than a body builders working out at noon in the middle of August.

Karkat parked his car in front of the apartment, suddenly very happy that it was on the ground floor, and sighed. This was it. He was going to be an adult... He didn't want to adult yet, but he also didn't want to stay with the Dowells any longer. He hopped out of the car, followed by Kankri. Cronus hopped out of his own car and looked around, as if judging the place. "It's not bad, Kar." he said, kicking a rock and fixing his hair. Karkat nodded and went over to the door that read CAP-69 and knocked.

It took a minuet, but someone finally answered. It was a tall, skinny guy with messy as fuck black hair, which was held back by a handkerchief, clown make up and... Indigo eyes. "Gamzee?" The guy grinned toothily and his eyes widened. "Karkat!" he shouted happily, hugging the shorter male. Karkat was initially startled by the sudden contact but gradually warmed up and patted Gamzee's back. "Hi." he managed to grunt out.

Kankri and Cronus looked on, both worried. This Gamzee guy seemed like he was a stoner, either that or just a slob. They were about to voice their objection when Gamzee pulled away. "Need help gettin' yer shit in here, little motherfucker?" Gamzee asked, smiling goofily down at his new room mate. Karkat nodded. "I mean, I got my brother and brother-in-law that can help me if it's too much trouble for you."

Gamzee just shrugged and wandered outside. "The more helping out, the faster you can get motherfucking settled, right?" Karkat snorted and shook his head. This guy was proving to not only be silly, but pretty nice. "Okay, you got a point, fuckass." he said popping the trunk and unlocking the back doors.

Gamzee went right for the trunk and hummed before grabbing about two bags and three boxes, leaving the other three in mild shock. For such a thin guy, he was fucking strong. Snapping out of their dazes, the three got to work gathering the rest of Karkat's things.


	3. Sex and Suicide

After getting his things into Gamzee's apartment and saying good bye to his brother, Karkat chose to lounge on the couch for a bit while Gamzee went about making dinner. As he sat, Karkat began to wonder where he'd sleep. Gamzee likely had taken up the only bedroom so it was likely he'd be out here until he or Gamzee got a second bed. Speaking of things to get... Karkat was going to have to get some new decoration. The clown posters were really freaking him the fuck out. "Hey, Karbro." Gamzee called out from the kitchen. "Can you come here and help a motherfucker out?"

Karkat reluctantly got up and wandered into the kitchen, actually interested in the smells coming from the room. "What do you want, shitpan?" Gamzee snorted at the insult, never having heard the term "shitpan". "Well, little motherfucker, I was wondering if you could try this for me." Karkat looked over at the bowl Gamzee was pointing at. It was filled with... Mashed potatoes... "Uh, fuckass. It's kinda hard to fuck up mashed potatoes." he growled, crossing his arms and glaring up at the juggalo. Gamzee just grinned wider. "Yeah but I wanna know what you like that way I know what to cook for you."

Karkat was taken back by the statement. Someone, who he'd just me, was giving more of a shit about what he liked than the asshats who'd adopted him. He snapped out of his brief daze and snatched the spoon from Gamzee and took a bite of the potatoes. He thought for a minuet about what they needed, seeing as right now they were pretty fucking bland. "Salt, pepper aaaand..." Karkat went into the fridge. Initially he was looking for onions or garlic, but he found something even better. Onion and chive cream cheese. It was still good too and unopened. He grabbed and held it out to the taller male. "This. All of it."

Gamzee smiled and nodded, loving that someone was here to help him cook. As he went about seasoning the mashed potatoes, Karkat wandered over to the stove where more food was cooking. Corn, green beans, macaroni and cheese, and pork chops and chicken. He wondered why there was so much food as he sampled each thing. It was likely because Gamzee had no idea what Karkat liked. Either way, all the food was pretty bland so he grabbed some butter, salt, pepper, and some Italian seasonings went to work.

The taller looked down at his room mate and smiled warmly. It was awesome to see someone as into this as he was. Cooking was something he'd originally started doing when he was ten because his older brother, Kurloz who was fifteen at the time, didn't know how. Their father was pretty absent in their lives, but to this day, he still provided for them. It was how Gamzee had gotten his TV, furniture, and computer and gaming consoles despite his low income job. His father always offered to pay his bills or rent, but he wanted to fend for himself. Even Kurloz, who had a great love of an extravagant life style, was wanting to fend for himself, and was doing so with his new boyfriend, Mituna.

As he'd gotten older, cooking became a sort of passion of his and did it often. Sure, he needed practice seasoning, but he thought he was having fun and that was what mattered to him. He didn't need a career in cooking, especially when it was hard as hell to work your way up in that field. As Karkat seasoned the food and tasted it as he went, Gamzee decided to strike up conversation. "You gonna go to motherfucking college?" he asked, watching Karkat.

Karkat shrugged and hopped up to sit on the counter. "I dunno." he answered. "I'd like to write, don't laugh, rom-coms, but that'd just be a pain." Gamzee smiled at the mention of rom-coms. He wasn't the biggest fan of them, but he certainly did like them. "I... I might be a teacher or a game designer." Karkat mentioned, kind of embarrassed that he'd mentioned wanting to be a teacher. "What kind of teacher?" Karkat looked up at Gamzee, who was looking right at him, a genuine look curiosity plastered in his face. Honestly, he didn't really know what kind of teacher he'd be. He'd thought about being a high school drama teacher, but he knew how stressful that could be just by watching. "I don't know." he replied, shrugging.

Gamzee shrugged back and grabbed two plates, handing one to Karkat. "Nothing wrong with that." he said, gathering food onto his plate.

Karkat hopped off the counter and began to do the same. It was a little awkward being around Gamzee, seeing as they'd just met, but honestly, it could have been even more awkward. Gamzee could have been one of those super introverted people that Karkat wouldn't be able to talk to. But no. Gamzee was a calm, sweet and very social, probably one of those people that could walk into a room, smile and others couldn't help but smile back.

As the duo sat on the living room floor, eating, they discussed how things would work around the house. Gamzee had only one rule, and that was for Karkat to make sure Gamzee took his medication. Apparently, the taller male had a habit of forgetting to take his meds, which made him chill, relaxed, and an all around decent person. Sure, he was like that off them, but Gamzee had a minor case of paranoid schizophrenia, which he was thankful didn't worsen as he got older. Karkat had a small amount of rules himself that mainly involved snooping or touching without asking. He snorted in the back of his mind as he explained that rule to Gamzee, thinking about how often Kankri ranted about touching without permission to his fiancee.

They also greed that because they both made the same amount of money that they would split the bills and rent and grocery bill in half, leaving each of them with spending money. Eventually, their conversation went into more personal matters, mostly dating experiences. "Okay, so have you had sex before?" Gamzee asked, stealing a bite of food from Karkat. Karkat briefly glared at the stolen food before responding. "Yeah." he responded, stealing a cut off bite of pork chop from Gamzee. "I had sex with my best friend about five times, I had sex with my ex-boyfriend twice, and sex with my friend's brother once."

"Your friend's brother?"

"Horuss Zahhak , yeah. I was fifteen, he was just about to turn eighteen and neither of us had had sex yet so, I went to his house and we had sex."

Honestly, Karkat didn't know why he was talking about his sexual experiences, but it wasn't like he was opening up about his romantic experiences with his ex-boyfriends, just sex. Sex was intimate, sure. You were physically touching someone and someone was inside you or you inside them, but sex was for physical pleasure, in Karkats opinion. It had no foundation except that or ,in a straight person's case, to reproduce. Sex had little to no meaning beside momentary pleasure and forgetfulness of any pain or stress. "What about you?" he asked, wiping his face or food.

Gamzee shrugged and sighed. "I've had sex with four ex's, each about ten times, and I had sex with my own brother once." Karkat raised an eyebrow at the last piece of the sentence, but chose to ignore it. Who was he to judge who Gamzee slept with? After all, he'd cheated on one of his boyfriends with the guy's brother.

* * *

It was the first night he was to sleep in his new apartment, but Karkat was unable to sleep. His insomnia was rearing it's ugly fucking head again and he was unable to sleep. He stood on the small patio attached to the apartment smoking a cigarette. He hated smoking, really. The taste was nasty and he wasn't even addicted to them, but the action of smoking usually settled his mind. Gamzee had given him the bedroom and was now passed out on the couch, snoring softly and drooling. The two had talked for hours before Karkat had convinced the taller that because they both had work that they should sleep. Gamzee worked at the local sports bar as a waiter during the day, and funny enough, it as near the Target Karkat worked at, so they agreed carpooling would be easiest and would save on gas money.

Karkat put out the cigarette and sat down in chair, still feeling his mind working in over drive. He needed to sleep, but he was scared to. Nightmares were a common thing for him and it was extremely painful sometimes. Emotionally at least. It was part of the reason he was depressed, part of why he cut. Sure he was feeling better now, knowing his room mate was in the homo boat with him, but he still knew that not everyone he knew accepted him as he was.

Society, even the people who'd adopted him, wanted him to be a heterosexual. They wanted him to comb his perpetually messy hair, which stuck up. They wanted the bags under his eyes to vanish. They wanted him to be taller, to not be so pale. They all wanted him to be a perfect human being who lived up to their standards.

He hiccuped as he felt himself begin to cry. He was a worthless piece of shit. He didn't deserve to exist. His mind forced him to stand, forced him to walk to his new room, forced him to grab a razor blade and abscond to the bathroom and lock the door. He was running on auto-pilot as he sat on the toilet and cut into his thighs, the only exposed thing he could reach without effort. Unfortunately, Gamzee seemed to have heard him crying and gotten up. He'd seen what Karkat grabbed.

"Karbro?" he asked as he knocked on the bathroom door. "Come on out... I can help."

"N-no! Get the fuck away!"

Gamzee cringed and sighed, sitting down next to the door, deciding to just talk to the younger boy. "I get it, yanno? I hate myself too." Karkat looked over to the door, digging the small blade once more into the soft, tender flesh of his inner thigh. He figured... Why not listen? "I... I almost killed the people I care about most in my life." Gamzee confessed, sighing, feeling his hands twitch as he quietly desired to do what Karkat was doing now. "I nearly killed my own brother... Nearly killed my friends Equius and Nepeta... I nearly killed my ex-boyfriend, Tavros..." Karkat's eyes widened faintly. Gamzee knew Equius and Nepeta and even dated Tavros? Well, Tavros had mentioned he'd left an unhealthy relationship after the guy had flipped his shit. And Equius and Nepeta had once brought up their friend who had attacked them in a psychotic fit of rage.

"I nearly lost my rights to be in a public setting that week." Gamzee went on, chewing his lip. "I hate myself for doing those things, Karkat. I understand self loathing more than most people. I hated being in the LGBTQ community for so long, I hated my mental condition, I hated how tall I was... I just felt useless."

Karkat found himself sobbing harder, making it more difficult to cut into his legs, which already at over two dozen cuts in each one. He managed to lean over and unlock the door, making Gamzee quickly come in, looking sad and very worried. Gingerly, Gamzee took the razor blade and set it in the sink before grabbing a first aid kit. "Hey... It's gonna be motherfucking okay." he soothed, brushing Karkat's hair away from the younger's face, making him look up. "I promise."

Gamzee wiped up the blood from Karkat's legs and gently rubbed peroxide into them, followed by rubbing alcohol. It felt nice... Having someone take care of him like this. Before, he'd cleaned himself up and hid his cuts very well from the world. Well, Sollux had always found them and broke down crying each time as he yelled at his friend. Sollux himself constantly had watched his older brother, Mituna, hurt himself... Mituna...

"Do you know Sollux Captor?" he asked, suddenly, trying to distract Gamzee. The juggalo nodded. "He's gonna be my brother in law, bro. Why?" Karkat smiled a bit and let out a short chuckle. "He's my best friend." Gamzee smiled back at Karkat as he wrapped bandages around his legs. "Sollux always yells at me for this shit because he watches Mituna do it too." he explained, tilting his head as Gamzee nodded. "Yeah, Kurloz told me that 'Tuna motherfucking cuts 'cause he's mentally unstable... Dual personality."

"That's a genetic thing. Sollux and their dad have that too."

"Mituna had an incident that made his worse..."

"I know. Sollux told me."

It was funny to Karkat how small the world really was. "Gamzee, don't tell my brother."

"I won't, bro."


	4. HateDates and Chucklevoodoos

"What do you recommend?"

"I don't eat the food here."

"Are you serious?"

"Oh wait. I know. I recommend the food item called, shut the fuck up!"

Karkat glowered as the woman he'd been talking to stormed off. He worked in the Target cafe and fucking hated it. Okay, it was better than working at Subway, holy shit, Subway was a shit hole. It was extremely unsanitary and each time someone walked up to him when he was on shift, he'd made it a point to point out just how nasty the place was. Usually, he'd gotten yelled at, but he'd always point out the flaws in management too.

Eventually, he'd quit and began working at Target. As he went about cleaning the tables in the cafe, he felt long arms wrap around his waist. He yelped and tried to hit whoever was hugging him. Then he heard a familiar chuckle. He sighed and quickly relaxed. "Gamzee." he growled, reluctantly hugging the taller's arms. "What did I say?"

"Heh, not to all up and touch a motherfucker without his motherfucking consent."

Karkat nodded, but made no move to get away from the juggalo. He felt like after what he'd forced Gamzee to witness a week ago that he needed to assure the guy that he was okay now. "Hey, I got an hour and half for lunch..." Gamzee said, hiding his face in Karkat's hair. "When your break?" Karkat looked up at the clock and grinned. "Right now." he replied, wiggling out of Gamzee's grasp. "What you wanna do?" Gamzee grinned and pulled Karkat out of the cafe, then out of the store, then headed straight for his own place of work. "This here clown gets a motherfucking discount at work on food." Gamzee explained as he lead the smaller to his place of work.

If he wasn't busy being annoyed, Karkat would have found Gamzee's behavior cute.

Inside the sports bar, Karkat suddenly felt very awkward. Despite it still being early in the afternoon, there was already people who drank inside. Karkat, while not totally against alcohol, after all he drank it himself, felt extremely nervous being around people who drank. He would always remember how Mr. Dowell acted when he was drunk. Mrs. Dowell would have to send Kankri and Karkat to a friends house on short notice. Of course, they never went to the same house. Kankri would go to the Amporas and Karkat would go to the Captors.

He sat down with Gamzee at a table just as a familiar face wandered over. "Do I smell, Karkles~?" Karkat looked up at the girl and gaped. "Terezi?!" Terezi giggled, tapping her cane against her friend's leg. "Hey, Karkles." she said, pulling a pen and pad of paper from an apron she was wearing. "You know Gamzee~?"

"You're legally allowed to work in a place like this?"

"Heeheehee! They have to let me! Besides, my mom would sue if they refused me a job~."

Karkat made an "ah" noise and looked over the drink section of the menu. Terezi's mother, Redglare as she was known, was a terrifying woman. Very proper and calm, and an incredible lawyer. Of course... She was upset sometimes that her daughters weren't much like her. Both Terezi and Latula were both louder than her and more hyper, if hyper could be what they were. "Can I get some water?" Karkat asked, looking up at his friend. "Sure, Karkles~! And you Gamzeeee~?" Something changed in Terezi's tone and face when her attention turned to Gamzee.

She seemed to get almost... Teasing in a very... Hateful way. And Gamzee returned the tone, a smirk that mirrored Terezi's played on his lips. "How about some Faygo, Pyrope~?"

"Whatever you ask, Makara~."

As Terezi walked off, hitting several people with her cane, Karkat raised an eyebrow at Gamzee. "Care to explain why you're hate flirting with my friend?" Gamzee smiled sheepishly and looked over his menu. "We do that." he answered plainly. Karkat rolled his eyes and looked over his own menu. He wasn't a fan of sports bar food, but he was fucking hungry and the menu here was ten times better than shitty Target popcorn and pretzels. Although, icees were the fucking shit and he was glad he was allowed to have those. They were his favorite treats in the whole fucking world. "Shit, now I want an icee." he whined, slouching in his seat with a pout.

Gamzee chuckled and reached over to poke his friend. Over the last week he and Karkat had become close friends very quickly. They bonded over bad experiences and cooking. They'd discovered that cooking relaxes them both, though it was a more recent realization for Karkat because he'd never had a chance to cook until recently. It cleared his head better than cutting or smoking ever did. Gamzee had also introduced Karkat to the world of painting and writing. These were Gamzee's coping mechanisms and so far, they seemed to be helping the younger male.

Karkat smiled and poked his friend back. He loved their constant contact, even though he'd never say that out loud. Growing up, he'd wanted to cuddle and hug his brother more than anything, but Kankri was always busy with homework, busy working to make money so he could leave, and busy screwing Cronus. Physical contact, the warm, fuzzy kind, was the greatest comfort to Karkat, so it made him happy that Gamzee was so willing to cuddle with him, especially after he'd wake up from nightmares.

* * *

After work, the two returned home, both glad that their shifts ended at the same time. The day had been a little awkward because Karkat learned, for awhile at least, that Gamzee and Terezi had done something called hate-dating. Basically they'd hung out then had rough and angry make outs, or they'd beat each other up. When Karkat had called about the room mate thing, Gamzee ended the relationship instantly after he'd heard. He didn't want Karkat to be subjected to the violence that was his hate dating.

Gamzee had told Karkat to go shower and change into some comfy clothes when they got home. The gentle order confused Karkat, but he shrugged and decided that a nice hot shower was actually a really good idea. He stunk of shitty popcorn and pretzels and cleaner. As Karkat showered, Gamzee was busy in the kitchen. The night before, he'd baked a cake for Karkat. Well, layers for a cake. Now his job was to put it together.

He started by turning on some of his favorite music, then went to work on making several bowls of butter cream icing. One of the bowls, which was just white icing, was used to hold the four layers of cake together, first going in between the layers then around, acting as a cement. A very sticky and sweet cement. As he worked, humming a long to the music, he thought about the first time he'd baked anything.

He'd been eleven years old and his father was home for once. It was Kurloz's sixteenth birthday and he was out of the house with his now ex-girlfriend, Meulin. Gamzee and his father had baked about fourty-six cupcakes and a shit ton of icing. It had been the most fin Gamzee had had with his father. Since that day, he stopped seeing much of his father, and it was due to work. Gamzee and Kurloz's father worked so much, just to make sure his sons were okay and safe, even today.

Gamzee, turned down the music and picked up his phone, calling his father. While he waited for an answer, he filled icing bags with the red and grey frosting he'd made. "The motherfuck do you want?" Gamzee smiled at the sound of his father's gruff and annoyed voice. The older Makara sounded tired, like he'd just been woken up. "Nice to hear from you too, daddy." Gamzee greeter, smile firmly in place as he decorated the cake before him. His father's tone immediately softened and he could practically hear the smile his father wore. "Hey, Gam." he said. "Sup?"

"Ah, I was just thinking about you and shit. I miss you, daddy."

"I miss you too, kiddo. Heard you got a room mate?"

"Yeah! His name is Karkat!"

As the juggalo talked to his father Karkat stood in the doorway of the bedroom, listening to the conversation. It made Karkat wish he could talk to his own father. He knew that his father would have accepted him, would have loved him no matter what... Just like Gamzee's father seemed to for his own son. He wandered, eventually, into the bedroom to change his clothes. He was jealous. Jealous that his friends had their parents. That they had someone they could go to with their problems, that they had someone that could kiss them good night and hug them when they were upset.

It was twenty minuets of standing naked in the middle of the room before Karkat could move and dress himself. He pulled on his baggiest sweat pants and one of Gamzee's t-shirts. Gamzee had a bunch of shirts he didn't often wear, so he'd given them to Karkat. The Cancer had to admit... He was glad he had Gamzee's clothes to wear for comfort. They were baggy and smelled like grease paint and hair dye with a little bit of the pies Gamzee sometimes ate.

Karkat smiled and hid his face in the shirt he currently wore and inhaled the sent. It was a smell that had quickly become comforting to him, and he couldn't figure out why. Perhaps it was because Gamzee's presence was just so welcoming, making him feel safe and at home.

"Hey! Karbro!" Karkat looked up and went out to the kitchen, usual scowl returning t his face. "What do you want, you useless sack of shit?" he growled, arms crossed. Gamzee just smiled and stepped to the side revealing the red and grey frosted chocolate cake and a whole variety of other foods. "Happy birthday!" the juggalo cheered, arms up. Karkat blinked once. Twice. It was June twelfth. It was his birthday. He covered his mouth as he smiled. "Jesus, Gamzee." he muttered, stepping closer to admire the cake. "You did this for me?" Gamzee nodded and hugged his small friend. "I got you a motherfucking present too. Go to the patio."

Karkat nodded and went out to the patio as directed. And he was greeted by six people shouting, "Surprise!" In front was his brother, who was grinning widely, Cronus behind him. Eridan and Sollux were there too, behind Sollux was Mituna, who was hugging a tall, curly haired guy, who Karkat assumed was Kurloz Makara, Gamzee's brother. Karkat felt himself smiling widely as happy tears formed in his eyes. "Jeeze KK, you crying?" Sollux teased, hugging his friend. "Oh shut the fuck up, Captor." Karkat muttered, hugging back.

Gamzee had gathered all these people together just for him and his birthday. Gamzee had made him a cake and a special dinner. Karkat looked up as Gamzee stepped out, a dopey grin plastered there, kind of like the grease paint he wore froze his face. "Thanks, shitpan." Karkat mumbled to the juggalo, not really meaning the insult. Kankri stepped up and pet his brother's hair. "How about we go inside? Hm?"

"Yes. Inside sounds fucking awesome. I'm freezing my balls off."

Gamzee snorted and stepped aside to let the group into the apartment. Before Karkat could enter, Kankri stopped him. "Karkat...Here. This was dad's." Karkat took the small box handed to him and furrowed his brow. This was something of their father's? He unwrapped the box then opened it. He bit his lip as he saw what was inside. It was his father's silver wedding ring with the word "Forever" carved into it. The ring had been made by their father and he'd used it as his wedding ring when he was married to their step-mother, who'd left him for another man.

This ring had been very special to Signless, and now Karkat had it. "This is for whoever you decide to marry." Kankri said, holding the younger Vantas's shoulders, gently rubbing them. "Make sure it's someone who truly loves you."

"Like Cronus loves you?"

Kankri smiled and nodded. Most didn't think Cronus actually loved Kankri, but the Vantas brothers knew better. Cronus had been chasing the older Vantas since middle school. What had started out as an innocent crush, had formed into a strong love. One school year, just before they graduated, Cronus spent months working on a song just for Kankri.

_Kankri stood in the middle of the gym floor at the senior prom, glaring as his best friend, Porrim, danced in a sexual way. Suddenly the song she'd been dancing to was cut off and the principle stepped up onto the stage. "Boys and girls," she said, looking excited. "We have our very own swim team captain, Cronus Ampora, here to perform an original love song!" The majority of the gym cheered, mostly the swim team though. Kankri rolled his eyes. He was friends with Cronus and was well aware of the greaser's supposed feelings for him. _

_The popular and attractive and clearly heterosexual Cronus Ampora was in no way attracted to gay social justice blogger, Kankri Vantas. Sure, Cronus had done some pretty gay things (hashtag, offensive language) with Kankri, like doing each others make up and talked about their feelings, but Cronus was so not attracted to him._

_The gym clapped as Cronus and his band got up on stage. Horuss was on the drums, Cronus had an acoustic guitar, Meenah (the girl Kankri was sure was Cronus's girlfriend) had an electric guitar, and Rufioh had control of the keyboard. Cronus grinned as he got up to the microphone, though he did seem a bit nervous. "Hey, guys." he said, loosening his violet tie. "I wrote this song for, uh, for I guess my crush."_

_"I know who it ith!"_

_"Shut up, 'Tuna!"_

_"It'th Kankri!"_

_The gym ooed, making Kankri glare over at Mituna, who was grinning like mad. Cronus, meanwhile, was blushing as he huffed and nodded. "Yeah, the song is for the head of the debate team, Kankri Vantas and it's called Next to You." Kankri furrowed his brow, wondering about the title, though he didn't have to wonder long. The music started and after a few seconds, Cronus started singing with the voice that made people swoon._

_"Sitting next to you is probably_

_The funnest thing I do. Sure,_

_Watching movies can be fun, and_

_Video games can be too, but all I_

_Really want to do is sit next you."_

_As Meenah and Cronus went into the chorus, Kankri felt his face heating up. Cronus was being... Genuine. These feelings were real and Kankri found himself feeling emotions for Cronus that he'd long suppressed. _

_"I know it was hard to give up_

_All of those secrets to me, but_

_Now that you're here, just sitting_

_Next to me, I'm so glad that you_

_Did._

_When you're far, far away my heart_

_Feels so heavy and I feel like I could_

_Faint, but then suddenly you're next to_

_Me and I feel okay._

_Oh please, darling don't ever leave me._

_I don't want to be left behind. Just, please_

_Stay right here, in this fairy tale scene, and stay _

_Right next to me."_

_The chorus was sung twice more before the song ended and Cronus hopped off stage, thinking Kankri would slap him or yell at him. But no. As soon as he was able to, Kankri ran at Cronus and hugged him close, muttering apologizes and I love yous._

Karkat had heard the story fifty million times, but it always made him smile. "Karkat, I want you to find that kind of person." Kankri said, taking Karkat inside, were the others were gathering food. "I know. I will." Karkat responded, slipping the ring onto his right ring finger. "Hey! Karbro! Come get some motherfucking food!" Karkat smiled widely and hurried to the kitchen and gathered a pile of food.

Over dinner, the group talked and laughed about old memories and Cronus's shitty, but funny jokes. The whole time, Karkat felt Gamzee looking at him. It was weird, but not abnormal, seeing as Gamzee zoned out and often stared at random shit, usually his room mate. Although... Kurloz seemed concerned about it and tapped on Karkat's shoulder. Kurloz held out his phone that had "Has Gam taken his meds today?" typed up. Karkat looked over at Gamzee, who was still staring at him. "Gamzee... fuckass..." Gamzee blinked rapidly and shook his head, then smiled up at Karkat. "Sup, bro?"

"You take your meds?"

Gamzee nodded and shrugged. "I'm just zoning." Kurloz glared at his brother, but said nothing as he moved his hands. Or so Karkat thought, because Gamzee was moving his hands back. They were signing. "Can Kurloz not hear or something?" Karkat asked, severely confused, and Mituna answered. "No, he jutht can't talk." the older Captor brother said. "He chewed out hith own tongue in highthchool." Kurloz playfully smacked his boyfriend and grinned, then turned back to Karkat and held out a package wrapped in indigo wrapping paper with the little emoticons that Gamzee used often when texting.

Karkat happily took it and opened it, revealing a stack of comics. The comics seemed to be more on the twisted side of things, with gore and crude humor, but it was the title that caught his attention. The Chucklevoodoos. It was a funny name that made the Cancer smile, but the author and illustrator names made him smile more. The writer was Kurloz and the artist was Gamzee. "This is badass!" he exclaimed, looking over the stack again. "Thanks!" Kurloz nodded, a large smile playing on his pierced lips.

The rest of the night was spent giving gifts to Karkat and laughing at bad jokes and rom-coms.


	5. Dinner With the Makaras

Karkat glared over the back of the couch as Gamzee bustled about. Gamzee was dressed in a suit which had an indigo tie to complete it and his makeup was gone, showing off the three scars running over his face, and his normally messy hair was washed and brushed. It was still poofy and curly but it wasn't as bad as normal. Gamzee was getting ready for dinner with his brother and father out at a nice restaurant. His father, who most called GHB, was in town for once and decided to have dinner with his sons. Apparently, GHB wore face paint normally too so Gamzee had been incredibly confused when he was told not to wear his. Oh well. Gamzee's ringtone, Bubblegum Bitch, played, informing him he had a text. Karkat was angry about being alone tonight. He loved Gamzee's company, even if the guy was fucking annoying and reeked of Faygo. Gamzee helped him calm down when he was mad, helped him feel safe when he had anxiety attacks.

As the clown talked on the phone, the younger looked around at the walls. Gamzee had, reluctantly, agreed to take down the clown posters and had since replaced them with personal paintings. There was a painting of Kurloz in a skeleton costume with purple shorts and boots of the same shade. His hair was wild, but some how uniform, in the panting and his index finger was placed over his mouth as he smiled. Behind him in the painting was his ex, Meulin, and she was covering her ears as she smiled, green eyes bright, yet some what sad, and Mituna was on the other side clutching his head and trying to force up a smile. It was an incredibly detailed painting and Karkat wondered how Gamzee was able to paint so realistically with so much emotion visible.

The Cancer's favorite painting, however, hung above the TV. It was a painting of Karkat giving one of his rare smiles. Gamzee had taken a picture of him on his birthday two weeks prior and had painted it, adding a few of his own details however. In the painting, which was on the biggest fucking canvas Gamzee had managed to find in that bottomless pit he called a closet, Karkat was smiling, looking almost skeptical or just amused, and his hair was decorated with bright candy roses. His grey hoodie from the photo had been turned into a black sweater with a grey Cancer symbol on it and his arms, instead of at his sides, were crossed across his chest. Gamzee had even managed to accurately capture the faint blush that had been on his face. The background was painted to resemble something like a field of white and indigo roses.

"Karbro." Karkat looked back up at his best friend, as Gamzee had decided they were, and hummed in question. "You got any nice clothes, motherfucker?" Nice clothes? "Yeah. Why?"

"Dad wants to meet you."

Karkat's eyes widened in shock. Someone as important and wealthy as Gamzee's father wanted to meet someone like him? Him?! Karkat regained composure and hurried to go get on his nicest clothes, which was a pair of black slacks and a dark red button up with a black tie. He only had sneakers so he hoped GHB wouldn't mind too terribly much. "Gamzee..." Karkat called softly as he walked into the living room, fiddling with his tie. "You think your dad will care if I only have sneakers?" Gamzee smiled fondly, going to help with the shorter's tie and shook his head lightly. "Not at all, motherfucker." he replied. Karkat had never seem this Gamzee. This Gamzee, while still using his shitty excuse of speech, was more proper, even gentlemanly. He seemed like he was trying really hard to not be so spacey, he was even standing up straight. Karkat admired his friend's face for a moment, reaching up to flick one of the guy's lip piercings. Gamzee had two lip piercings, one of each corner on his bottom lip.

Gamzee also had gauges in his ears, size ten. The juggalo said he didn't want to go any bigger, seeing as his brother's ears were stretched beyond repair from going so large. He also had a piercing in his tongue, though he wasn't wearing it tonight. "Ready to meet the old man, little motherfucker?" Karkat nodded in response, following Gamzee outside. While Gamzee locked the door, the smaller male wandered over to the bright purple motorcycle parked out front. Gamzee had recently gotten it, but hadn't gotten helmets, but that didn't stop them from riding it. It wasn't legally required for them to wear helmets in their state so they didn't. Thankfully, Gamzee was an amazing driver on the damn thing. Karkat wasn't a fan of turning on it, but he still had fun. It gave him a legitimate excuse to hug the taller. (Not that he liked hugs, god damn it!)

* * *

The restaurant was basically a fucking mansion. It was large, white and looked worth more than the neighborhood they currently resided. The inside didn't help to make Karkat relax any. It was the nicest fucking place he'd been! He didn't even think he'd ever be able to eat at a place like this. There was a live classical band over in a corner, a fire place was going, and the food looked like it came straight out of his imagination! Gamzee, however, seemed unfazed by the place. Karkat guessed it was because he'd grown up in places like this. A casual meal was at a five star, gourmet restaurant and play time had likely been go karts in his back yard. Okay not that extravagant, but still. Over by the red ropes at the entry, Karkat spotted Kurloz, who waved happily at them, grin plastered on his face. Gamzee shuffled quickly over and hugged his brother close. Kurloz's hair, which was just as hard to manage as Gamzee's, was brushed and pulled back a bit by bobby pins and his lack of face paint showed off cuts on his lips, like a razor blade had been employed to make stitch looking cuts.

If it wasn't for the scars and Kurloz's more rounded face, the brothers could have passed as identical twins. Kurloz shuffled over and gave Karkat a quick and gentle hug. Kurloz's hugs were quite different than that of his brother's. Gamzee's hugs were tight and almost crushing, like he was trying to put as much of his love into the person he was crush-hugging, while Kurloz's hugs were gentle and soft, but warm and still loving. It seemed like he was afraid of hurting the people he hugged, especially Mituna, Karkat had noticed.

A loud "ahem" drew the boys's attention and they turned and looked up. Karkat's eyes widened. So this was where the brothers got their height. Standing before them was GHB and he was huge, standing at six feet and ten inches and his face didn't help Karkat feel less intimidated. He guess the brothers looked like their mother because GHB's jaw was squared (kind of like Gamzee's, but more so), his nose was large and looked like it'd been broken several times, and his indigo eyes were narrow as they rested under thick eye brows. GHB's thick, long black hair was pulled back into a ponytail, only leaving his shorter bangs in his face. While Karkat seemed nervous, Gamzee and Kurloz seemed ecstatic to see their father. "Daddy!" Gamzee called, happily running towards his father, Kurloz close behind.

GHB's face broke out into a wide smile as he pulled his sons up into his arms as they hugged him. Gamzee nuzzled his father's chest while Kurloz managed to hide his face in the older's thick hair, grinning happily. The Makara's hugged for a minuet or so before releasing each other and Gamzee went back to Karkat. The Cancer whined in faint protest as he shoved forward towards the giant of a man. GHB looked down, curiously at him, eyes faintly widened, like he'd seen a ghost. "Dad, this is Karkat."

"Vantas?"

Karkat shivered at the deepness of GHB's voice, but wondered how the guy knew his last name. Gamzee and Kurloz didn't seemed fazed, however. "He looks like Kankri, right?" Gamzee asked, tilting his head, a faint twitch in his neck. Karkat hated it when Gamzee would twitch. It usually meant his meds were wearing off. But, how did GHB know Kankri? Gamzee had only met him three weeks ago. Wait... Was the Makara house where Kankri had ran off to so many times before when in high school? It would make sense since he'd always come back with a bottle or two of Faygo, the very drink Kurloz and Gamzee loved. GHB shook his head and sighed, looking sad. "He looks like his father." Karkat's eyes widened in shock. He though he'd looked like his moth-. "How the fuck do you know my father?" he asked, getting the nerve to glare up at the large man. GHB smiled sadly and sighed. "He was my, ahem, boyfriend in high school."

Karkat blinked once... Twice. "That... Explains... So much." The Makara's tilted their heads, confused. Before he could explain, a waiter came over and escorted them to a table, right by the fireplace, which was awesome because Karkat was actually very cold. He hated being so small. Well, he was faintly chubby, but that did little to heat his body. "What did you motherfucking mean, Karbro?" Karkat looked over at Gamzee, who was looking at him, brow furrowed in curiosity. "Oh. Uh... Well, me and Kankri are both gay so it would make sense if out dad liked men too." GHB nodded, as he skimmed to wine menu. Kurloz signed to Gamzee and the younger laughed and signed back. GHB was less amused by the transaction however. "I am not a motherfucking alcoholic." he growled, making both his son's laugh, both trying to cover their mouths to muffle their laughter.

Karkat couldn't help but chuckle.

* * *

During the meal, GHB had explained what he did for work and told Karkat that he was there if anything was needed. It felt good to know he was being looked after, and that it was his father's ex made it more awesome. Apparently, mental illness ran in the family too. Kurloz was prone to trauma and anxiety, which was why his tongue was now gone, and he suffered through fits of hallucination. Gamzee was schizophrenic, as the Cancer was aware, but what he didn't know was that he heard voices that told him to murder and that the guy had extreme anger issues. And GHB? GHB was a pyromaniac and schizophrenic. All three of them were required by law to take medication or else they'd be locked up in the mental hospital.

"Karkat, has Gamzee been a decent room mate?" GHB asked, sipping his wine. Wine had been given to all of them, but Karkat hadn't touched his. He avoided alcohol as much as he could. "Yes, sir." he responded, poking some food on his plate. Gamzee was an awesome room mate, actually. He'd let Karkat have a say in the decor, he'd given up his room so Karkat would feel more at home, and they often cooked together while listening to loud music. The clown had introduced him to so many new songs that he now loved. He'd also been teaching him how to play guitar and piano.

The restaurant was now filled with younger people rather than the elderly who'd filled it earlier. Most looked like snooty teens though, making Karkat glare, wanting to curl up in his chair and hide in his shirt. He'd always liked hiding in his sweaters, a habit he and Kankri both had, since they both wore sweaters. "Boys..." The younger males looked up at GHB, who wore a wicked grin as he looked between his sons. "Shall we pay and go have some fun?" he asked, a faint purr in his voice. Kurloz and Gamzee grinned and nodded rapidly, seeming very excited. GHB ordered the boys to go outside and they complied. Karkat hung close to Gamzee, who seemed eager. "Gamzee, what the fuck is going on?"

"Music circle."

"Huh?"

Gamzee laughed and stopped next to his bike, removing his suit jacket and undoing his tie and shirt. "It's an event that happens every Saturday like tonight downtown." he explained, messing up his hair. "Cronus performs there and so do I."

"You?"

Gamzee nodded and pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lighting it. "They call me the Bard of Rage there." Bard of Rage... Karkat's swore he'd heard that name before...

_"Bard of Rage?" Sollux looked up from his video game and up at his girlfriend, Feferi, who seemed excited. "Yeah!" she squealed, making Karkat, who was at the computer, flinch. "He's the best singer in the area!" she went on, bouncing on her toes. "We gotta see him!"_

_"How about no, FF." _

_Feferi pouted at Sollux. He was such a butt._

"Do you know a girl named Feferi?" Karkat suddenly asked and to his surprise, Gamzee smiled and nodded. "Yeah!" he exclaimed, taking a drag from his cancer stick. "She's my little princess, bro. She's like so motherfucking bitch tits sweet to me." Something in Karkat shattered right then.

He felt like screaming and crying. He wanted to punch something so bad. Kurloz seemed to notice his distress and lead him away. Gamzee tried to follow, suddenly worried, but Kurloz gently shoved him back. Once out of Gamzee's sight, Karkat broke down, and he didn't know why. "Fuck!" he shouted, kicking the trash can next to him. "Why do I care!?" Kurloz held out his phone to the younger male. The message on screen made Karkat quickly calm down. "Gamzee is full out gay. My little brother actually punched a girl once because she put her motherfucking tits in his face and pulled her panties off the show off her nasty vag."

Gamzee was all out gay. He'd known Gamzee liked guys, but never knew fully what he was. And now he did. "Then why do I still give a fuck?"

"You love him."


	6. Show Me Your Pains

Love? He loved Gamzee? No. Impossible! He, Karkat Vantas, didn't fall in love with schizophrenic clowns! Especially one he'd known for only a month! Yet, Kurloz's words still danced in his head in a perpetual, asinine tango that made his head spin and his eyes roll. He and Gamzee didn't go to the Music Circle that night. The older had been too worried about his room mate and insisted they return home, leaving Kurloz and GHB behind. Since that night, Karkat would constantly grumble a he founn things about Gamzee, little tiny things, he'd not noticed before. For example, he'd noticed that Gamzee's hair, while unruly by nature, curled and went in a clockwise, circular patter. He guessed pattern was the right word. Karkat had noticed that Gamzee's eyes would turn dark if he was angry or upset but would be bright if he was happy or excited.

But Karkat's new favorite little thing... Gamzee's snorts. Gamzee snorted when he laughed and some how they sounded like soft little honks. Honks, of all things. Seriously, it was fucking weird.

Karkat looked up from the book he was reading as Gamzee walked into the apartment, old worn out purple Converses slapping against the white tiled floor by the door. "Hey, fu-. Holy shit! Gamzee!" Gamzee didn't look good. Not at all. His make up was smeared, his eyes were puffy, one was even bruised, his lip was busted with one piercing missing. His knuckles were bruised and bloody and he had several rips in his shirt and pants. His hair was tangled more so than usual and the scars on his face had been forcibly reopened. Gamzee slammed the door behind him, stumbling as he did so. Karkat threw his book to the floor and rushed over to the taller male, trying to hold him up by hugging him. Gamzee tried to pull away in a moment of panic, but soon relaxed and hugged back. "Oh God damn it Gamzee..." Karkat breathed out in Gamzee's chest. "What the fuck happened to you?"

"...Nothing, bro."

"Bull fucking shit, Gamzee!"

Karkat looked up at his clowny friend, brow furrowed and rage slowly seeping into his eyes. "What. Happened?!" Gamzee growled and gently, well as gently as a pissed person could, pushed Karkat off to the side and stormed off to the bathroom and slammed the door. Karkat cringed and sighed. This wasn't going to end well, and that suddenly scared him very much. He hurried to his phone on the coffee table and dialed his brother's number, praying for once that the guy wouldn't have a face (or ass) full of Cronus.

* * *

Kankri looked up from his book as phone let out a familiar ring tone. We Found Love by Rihanna was Karkat's ringtone so Kankri couldn't help but smile as he marked his spot in his book and answered. "Hello, Karkat." he greeted happily. He was going to say more, but Karkat stared rambling, clearly through tears. Kankri's happy face quickly took on a look of extreme worry. Karkat was calm enough to at least speak clearly, so Kankri got pretty much everything. Basically, what he understood, what had happened was that Gamzee came home beaten up pretty bad and was now angry because his room mate was trying to pry. "Karkat, first off, prying can be very triggering, as you know." He heard Karkat groan on the other end, but went on anyways. "Prying is a way of trying to gather information when the other party is clearly object to it and-." He felt Cronus's hand on his shoulder, telling him to quit while he was ahead.

He cleared his throat and quickly apologized to his brother, who sighed. He often forgot that Cronus was the only one who ever really listened to his sermons. It was one reason they got along so well as a couple. "Let him calm down, young brother." Kankri advised, fiddling with the hem of his red sweater, which had been knitted for him by his close cousin Porrim. Porrim had been there for him and Karkat through hard times and good. She acted as an older sister to them while their grandmother, Dolorosa, encouraged Kanaya, Porrim's baby sister, to act the same for Karkat, who at the time needed a close friend.

"Having a calm person, especially a Makara, is good. From what I understand from Kurloz's account of his brother, Gamzee is one of the only Makara's who can rationalize murder in a... Rage induced state." Karkat sighed on the other end of the line and sniffled. "Okay." he mumbled. "What ever you say, asshole."

"Language, young Vantas."

"Oh just shut up!"

Kankri flinched as Karkat abruptly hung up the phone. He should be used to his brother's anger by now, but somehow it still hurt when the younger's rage was directed at him. "Cronus..." he called softly. Cronus, who'd been cooking dinner, wandered into the living room ans leaned over to look at his fiancee. "Sup, chief?" Chief... Cronus had been calling him that since they met. It was annoying at times, but at others, like now, it was sweet and endearing, even calming to hear. "Karkat is angry with me again." Cronus couldn't help but chuckle. Karkat was an angry little spit fire and it was no shock to him that Karkat was upset. He sat on the couch with Kankri and pet the shorter's wavy hair. "Ah chief," he soothed as best he could. "You shouldn't let him get to ya so easy. After all, he's still a kid, barely able to make his owvn decisions." Kankri smiled faintly at his lover's accent. It was a lisp that ran in the Ampora Family.

His father, Orphanos "Dualscar", had it, but it wasn't as noticeable since he was Scottish and his voice was incredibly low. Cronus usually forced his in born Scottish accent down with a Boston one and did his best to cover his little lisp. Eridan, who was raised by his mother, had a British accent and did little to cover his lisp, often making it seem like he stuttered and just blatantly forgot to say V's.

"You're right, Cronus." Kankri said, a smile creeping up on his face. "There's my Kanny!" Cronus exclaimed, a bigger smile forming on his face.

* * *

Karkat sat outside the bathroom door, listening to the shower and Gamzee's shaky, quiet singing. Singing seemed to be one of Gamzee's coping things that Karkat hadn't been aware of, but he recognized the song and was softly singing along. The singing didn't seem to be helping this time, however. Karkat flinched as he heard Gamzee shout and punch the shower wall. Standing, he found the door wasn't locked so he slipped inside, not caring if he was in danger. He silently sat on the toilet and stared at the shower curtain.

Gamzee's movement stopped and he turned to the shower curtain. He'd heard the door open then close and he heard Karkat shuffle. "Kar?" he called softly, afraid to startle to little guy. He cared so much about Karkat that he didn't want to hurt him. "Yeah... Want me to go back outside or-?" Or? Or what? Stay in here? What was he talking about?! "Gam, you want me to get in the shower with you?" Gamzee's heart skipped a beat as his face heated up. Seeing Karkat naked was not something he'd anticipated ever but, if the little guy was offering... "Y-yes..." he managed to mumble out through his annoyance. He wasn't mad at Karkat, no he couldn't ever be mad at him. Karkat was too nice to him, despite knowing about his condition. Karkat was so willing to help him with it, even if it sacrificed his own health. Gamzee had to be honest, he was falling in love with the angry little guy.

Yes, he was in love with the one person who yelled at him and insulted him as terms of endearment. He looked over as the curtain behind him was pulled open and Karkat stepped in. Karkat was more beautiful than Gamzee had ever envisioned. Karkat was small, yes, but he had more weight on him than most people seemed to give him credit for. Under his clothes, the Cancer seemed scrawny, even anorexic, but now Gamzee could clearly see that Karkat's thighs were a little chubby, his build was thicker than it initially had looked... And his skin was pale and beautiful... Gamzee looked down at the smaller's thighs, heart twinging at the thought of the night those cuts had been made. "Gamzee?" The clown looked up at Karkat's face, eyes tired. "You okay?"

"Y-y-yeah..."

Karkat nodded and reached up, gently taking Gamzee's left hand and turning his arm over. Old scars and burns adorned the arm and he was sure similar marks decorated the other arm. Gamzee noted some new cuts on Karkat's ribs and slowly knelt down. "You're too motherfucking beautiful for this shit, bro." he mumbled, running his fingers gingerly over the cuts. Karkat's breath hitched and he tried to repress a shiver. Gamzee began to place gentle kisses along the cuts, making Karkat bite his lip as tears welled up again. Gamzee was being so gentle with him... "Gamzee..." he whispered out, reaching down a hand to run through the taller's hair. "You're more beautiful than me..." Gamzee looked up at his friend and shook his head, a small smile gracing his wounded features. "Nah." he argued briefly, standing up again. He turned his back to Karkat and went about washing his hair, fully aware Karkat was watching him. He didn't mind of course. He was happy to have someone looking after him in these states.

Normally, anyone else who'd seen these moods, ran off and hid until he calmed down. But not Karkat. Karkat pursued him, whether with anger and comforting insults or with worry, love, and tears. Karkat was a complicated little puzzle box Gamzee hadn't been able to figure out all the way, which was good. All of his friends and ex's, especially Tavros, had had pathetic two dimensional personalities that he'd been able to unravel and figure out perfectly. Moods, reactions, and even thoughts, Gamzee had been able to figure them all out. But Karkat was that rare little three dimensional puzzle box of an enigma that Gamzee just couldn't figure out, just like a ten by ten Rubix's cube. Karkat kept him on his toes, kept him alert, which was amazing!

Kurloz and Mituna were the only other people Gamzee knew were like that, but to have someone like that of his own would be exciting.

But he doubted Karkat liked him like that. Oh well, he still had someone around to poke and play with.

"Hey, fuck ass, are you even fucking listening?!" Gamzee looked down at Karkat, who's arms were crossed and was glaring at him. There was his Karkat. The easily annoyed little ball of cute and romcom adoration and not the worried and crying one. "Uh... Huh?" Karkat sighed. Well, there was the Gamzee he liked. Innocent and confused by everything that seemed to be a god damned miracle. "C'mon, dumbass." he grumbled. "Let's get out. I need to patch up your stupid face and hands." Gamzee couldn't help but smile widely. Yes, this was the Karkat he knew and loved. Angry, but still concerned. He turned off the shower and hopped out of the shower with Karkat, who was quickly drying himself and getting into his clothes, suddenly self conscious about his body. The Capricorn chuckled and shook his head. "Cute little motherfucker."

"I fucking heard that, chute stuffer!"


	7. Penny in the Rain

Karkat couldn't help but sit there laughing as his brother fussed about his suit like a girl. It was the day of Kankri's wedding to Cronus and Kankri was acting like a small wrinkle in his suit could ruin the entire event. All of Kankri and Cronus's friend's had been invited, and as a result, Gamzee, Karkat, and Eridan's friends were invited and their parents. Before getting ready, Karkat and Kankri had watched as Psiioniic, Dolorosa, and Nepeta and Meulin's mother, Disciple as many called her, mourned silently that Signless couldn't attend his son's wedding. Disciple had yelled at GHB when he'd dared to approach Karkat and Kankri, but was in turn yelled at by Psiioniic, who got smacked by Dolorosa. Gamzee and Kurloz had gotten irritated by the fighting and both had screamed loudly as a way of calming people down. They seemed ever so proud of their efforts, even if it left Gamzee hoarse. Gamzee's injuries had healed mostly, but the cuts on his face were still healing so he didn't wear his make up. Cronus's father offered tips to Gamzee to help reduce the amount of scar tissue, seeing as he himself had two jagged scars across his face from a fight long ago.

Cronus and Eridan had engaged in a "I'm not touching you" war like they were five or something while their cousins, Meenah and Feferi tried breaking them apart, while Mituna and Sollux simply laughed at the whole thing. Karkat could only shake his head at all the commotion. Thirty six people were at this ceremony and he only wanted to deal with three of them. Kankri, Gamzee, and Sollux. And right now, he was grinning as he tried to help Kankri calm his anxiety.

"Wh-what if he changes his mind?" Kankri asked frantically, clutching his brother's hands tightly, tears welling up in his red eyes. Karkat shook his head and giggled, a rare thing to hear from him. "He chased you for six years before he finally had you." he said, fixing Kankri's hair. "He's had you for four years, Kankri. I don't think he's about to give you up now." Kankri smiled, finding comfort in his baby brother's words. "Just let me be the one to catch that shitty bouquet of yours." Kankri laughed, unable to find it in himself to lecture about the foul language. This was supposed to be one of the happiest days of his life, and he wasn't going to ruin it by annoying his brother. "Sure, Karkat, sure." he agreed, glancing at the bouquet of red and purple roses mixed with baby's breath flowers.

Karkat rolled his eyes at the older Vantas and wandered out to the pews. The wedding was being held in the field were Signless had often gone to spend time with his friends. Kankri had wanted to get married here, feeling as though it would help solidify the passing of his father in his mind. For Karkat though, the location just hurt. He'd loved his dad so much, so being reminded of him in anyway hurt. And to look like him, according to GHB at least, hurt him more for some reason. He yelped as a pair of long arms wrapped around his waist and he was pulled close to someone's chest. "Hey best friend." Karkat huffed. "Gamzee, you useless sack of shit." he grumbled as he was lifted up and carried to his seat. That was another thing Karkat had noticed about Gamzee. the guy was strong. Yes, he'd witnessed that the day they met when Gamzee helped carry his shit into the apartment, but it still shocked him sometimes at just how strong the taller was.

"Awww, it's a little Karkitty!" Sollux exclaimed upon seeing his friend being carried. Karkat glared and growled and he tried to wriggle out of Gamzee's tight grasp, but to no avail, so he merely gave up. Gamzee, still holding onto his little friend, reached over and gave a gentle squeeze to Sollux's nose. "Honk!" Sollux would have normally pulled away, but he'd known Gamzee for a long time, seeing as their brother's were going to get married at some point, so he simply smiled up at the clown, blushing faintly. He knew it wasn't the best thing ever, but he'd developed a small crush on Gamzee. He wanted to go on cheesy romantic dates with the juggalo, but the other part of him wanted to hate-date him. That was the only thing that had ever kept him from asking Gamzee out, his little hate crush. The Gemini was well aware his soon to be brother in law was aware of those feelings, but he was thankful when Gamzee never tried to take advantage of him. It was one of the things he liked about Gamzee. The juggalo was often seen as a pervert or just flat out creepy, but anyone who took time to get to know him knew better. Gamzee was a sweet heart, the nicest guy around. He often played therapist to his friends, although his therapy was more about waiting on miracles, but it still helped many of those who asked because it made them smile.

"Gamzee?" The trio looked over and Gamzee ended up accidentally dropping Karkat, who thankfully managed to land on his feet, so he didn't get mad. "N-Nepsis?" Gamzee asked timidly, seeming terrified of the small girl before him. Nepeta was in an olive green dress and she wore her cat hat and blue shoes, but still wore that giant green jacket that Karkat thought was utterly stupid, but it made her happy. "Hi Gamzee!" Nepeta cheered, hugging Gamzee around the middle, making the clown freeze up and look down at her. He hadn't fully gotten over what he'd done to her or Equius or Tavros , but... It was obvious she forgave him. She wouldn't be hugging him if that weren't the case, right? He timidly wrapped him arms around her in a gentle hug, afraid he was going to hurt her again like he had before. The hug seemed to make the girl happy for she started purring loudly, which made Gamzee smile. It's been so long since he'd heard her cheerful purr. "I all up and missed you something fierce, Nepsis."

"I missed you too, Gammie."

Nepeta released her friend and looked over as Equius came over. The poor guy was sweaty as usual, but he looked happy and not so tense for once. "Hello, Highblood." he greeted, waving a bit at Gamzee. "It has been an awfully long time since we've seen you." Gamzee smiled a bit and nodded, honestly unsure what to say. He was still so scared of himself around people that he was genuinely lost on what to do. He cringed when he saw the scars around Equius's neck from where he'd tried strangling him. His breathing picked up and he felt himself begin to shake as tears threatened to spill over. He wasn't going to cry. He just motherfucking wasn't. "Oh, uh, hey Gamzee." The group looked over to Tavros, who'd wandered over after seeing who was in the center, and Gamzee lost it.

The Capricorn fell to his knees and started to cry. This was too much stress at once, too fucking much. "Back up ass hats!" Karkat shouted. "Give him some space! Sollux watch him, I'm going to get Kurloz."

This wasn't the first time Gamzee'd had an anxiety attack, it wouldn't be the last either, but he felt so shitty about having one at a wedding. A wedding! Just because his friends, the ones he'd almost killed, were here and his brain, his shitty motherfucking think pan, couldn't seem to handle it as waves of horrific memory washed over him. They forgave him, that much was clear by the way they were so at ease around him, but the voices wouldn't shut up! They kept telling him that no forgave him, they all hated him and wanted him to die.

He curled up on the ground and sobbed harder, hating how he felt. He was having an anxiety attack at his best friend's brother's wedding, in the middle of the damn aisle no less, his friends were circled around him not knowing what to do, the voices wouldn't shut up, and Karkat was missing. Where the fuck was Karkat?!

Gamzee cried out as he felt himself lifted up and then he calmed at being cradled. He knew these arms, knew the chest he was being pressed to. It was his father. The position was a bit awkward seeing as Gamzee was only eight inches shorter than GHB, but it was comforting none the less. A gentle and thin hand reached up to stroke his face. Kurloz. He reached out his own hand, which Kurloz quickly took hold of, wanting to help his baby brother in any way he could.

The other's stood back, watching, while Karkat texted his brother about the situation.

**carcinoGeneticst [CG] **started trolling **comradesGeneticst [CG]**

**CG**: FIRST OF FUCKING ALL, THIS IS REALLY CONFUSING SINCE WE BOTH HAVE CG AS OUR SHORTENED TROLLIAN HANDLES.

**CG:** SECONDLY. GAMZEE HAD AN ANXIETY ATTACK JUST NOW. THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW.

**CG:**Thank y9u f9r the inf9rmati9n, y9ung br9ther. I d9 h9pe he is alright.

**CG:**HE'S FINE, I GUESS. HE'S BEING CUDDLED BY HIS DAD AND BROTHER RIGHT NOW.

**CG:**Sh9uld I wait f9r awhile? Until he's calm?

**CG:** NO DUDE. THIS IS YOUR DAY. FUCKING TAKE IT AND DON'T LET THE CLOWN'S THINK PAN RUIN IT.

**CG: **Think pan? What is that?

**CG: **FUCKING HELL! GAMZEE'S RUBBING OFF ON ME. DAMN IT!

**carcinoGeneticist [CG]** ceased trolling **comradesGeneticist [CG]**

* * *

As the wedding began, Karkat couldn't help but feel angry. His best friend was still being cradled and coddled by his family like he was a fragile infant or some shit like that. He hated it. Karkat and Eridan both had the rolls of ring bearer since no one could pick who it should be, so each of them carried their respective brother's ring on a shitty pillow while glaring at each other as they walked. Eridan had developed a dislike for Karkat because he always went to the shorter for romantic advice and was repeatedly mocked and shot down. Karkat just thought Eridan was annoying. But now, they'd have to deal with each other for the rest of their mortal lives. Or for as long as Kankri and Cronus stayed married, which both knew would be a long time judging by how the the olders interacted.

Porrim stood in the spot just behind Kankri's spot as the maid of honor and Mituna stood behind Cronus as best man. Apparently, from what Karkat had heard, Cronus and Mituna had been friends, then Mituna had his accident and they fell apart, but Cronus, despite having been an ass the whole time, never stopped trying to mend their friendship, and it had clearly paid off. Mituna and Cronus were friends again, though sometimes it was still a little rocky, but they were trying to make it work.

Feferi and Meenah walked behind the boys as flower girls, which Feferi was excited but Meenah was only half assing it. She hated being in dresses and hated weddings. They were so long and boring and formal. Though, from here she got a good look at Karkat's ass. She'd been scolded many times by Kankri to not flirt with the young Vantas seeing as it was weird in his eyes. She'd asked Karkat out several times, to which he rejected, but the final time she asked, the little guy had screamed at her that he was gay and stormed off in huff.

When the boys and the Peixes girls took their places, the guests in the pews turned around to look at the opposite end of the aisle, where Kankri stood, Dolorosa and Psiionic behind him on either side. Since Signless wasn't around to give Kankri away, the two, as Kankri's grandmother and god father respectively, felt like they should be the ones to do it. Kankri took a deep breath and proceeded down the aisle, Dolorosa and Psiioniic following behind, smiling. Well, Psiioniic was trying to not smile, seeing as most knew him as an emotionless, sarcastic jackass, mush like his youngest son. Although, Sollux seemed to be a bit more cheerful than his father. That wasn't really any surprise though considering how Condesce, Feferi and Meenah's mother, had once thought it funny to basically torture him leaving him with faint traces of trauma.

Cronus bit his lip nervously as he watched his soon to be husband walk down the aisle, looking beautiful as ever. He was so fucking nervous, like, what if Kanny changed his mind? What if he was just playing this long winded four year prank on him? Shit like that had happened before and it had left Cronus feeling utterly crushed and alone. But his fears were soon eradicated and Kankri stepped in front of him and smiled shyly, gently biting his lip. This was it. He was going to marry his childhood crush, the love of his life. If he didn't think it'd ruin the moment, he might have made a joke about the situation or made a fish pun, as he was prone to doing, as were all Ampora's, even Dualscar.

Kankri passed off his bouquet to Porrim and then took his lover's hands and the actual ceremony began.

As the pastor(Aranea) spoke, Karkat huffed and sat down on the ground. Kankri had said that if he got too bored he could sit and he was already fucking bored out of his mind. He noticed Gamzee had managed to pry himself away from his cuddly father and had gone to his original seat, finally seeming calm. It looked like he'd been given a few of his anti anxiety meds to help with his attack, so he seemed pretty chill right now. At least he'd not thrown up like the last time he'd had an attack, and that had been the night Gamzee came home beaten up. Thankfully, before bed that night, he'd told Karkat what had happened.

Long story short, Gamzee had been cleaning up after his shift and was about to leave when Terezi and Vriska, a bitch they all knew as cruel and heartless, apparently just like her mother, had jumped him and began to beat him up. According to Gamzee, he was so startled and so suddenly forced down that he didn't have to react and fight back very much. Of course, when he managed to get up, he'd hurt both of them. Vriska was now sporting a line of stitches across her left cheek and a bad bruise on her right shoulder, while Terezi had bruises on her arms and legs and a cut under each eye. Terezi's mother, thankfully, chose not to press charges against Gamzee, seeing as she believed her younger daughter to be at fault, right along with Mindfang's daughter. Mindfang, or Spinerette as her birth name, was furious that Vriska had been hurt and whole heartedly blamed Gamzee and attempted press charges. Though the charges didn't go through and nothing happened. Gamzee had the solid plea of insanity and was off the hook. Though, Vriska and Terezi weren't. They were being charged, as adults, for assault and premeditated murder. Redglare was making no moves to defend her daughter or act like Terezi had done nothing wrong.

She believed her daughter needed to learn that her mommy wasn't always going to be there to get her out of a jam, so Terezi was forced to get a regular, not at well known lawyer. Gamzee would testify in a court of law that he'd been attacked by the girls when finishing up his shift at work and had acted purely in self defense.

Karkat still wondered why the scars made by Nepeta across Gamzee's face had been forcibly reopened. Terezi and Nepeta had been friends for awhile, could it have been her? No, she was blind, fuck ass! She couldn't have known where to cut. But Vriska could see, at least half way, but it was still enough to be able to inflict that sort of damage. Vriska didn't even know Nepeta, but she did like Terezi enough to listen to her. It wouldn't have shocked Karkat to hear that Terezi had asked Vriska to reopen those scars. Vriska was going to lie on the stand however, but that would easily be thrown off by Terezi's need to tell the truth. For a craft, sly girl like Terezi, she was shockingly honest, which was why it had hurt Karkat so much to have been rejected by her when he'd though he was straight. She'd flat out told him that she thought he was boring and stupid looking (this was before she lost her eye sight).

Gamzee waved lazily at Karkat, who waved back, faintly annoyed by the whole of the situation. (The wedding and Gamzee's situation.) He wasn't mad, per-say, just highly and violently aggravated. Yeah, that made sense right?

After about twenty or thirty minuets of sitting there, Karkat was finally able to get up and Cronus the ring that was go on Kankri's ring finger while Eridan handed Cronus's ring to Kankri. I do's were exchanged and the happy newly weds kissed, making Kankri and Eridan both gag loudly. Thankfully, the gagging noise just amused every one and they laughed.

* * *

Karkat burst in through the apartment door and immediately flopped on the couch, making Gamzee laugh as he shut the door. "You all up and okay, motherfucker?"

"I hate weddings."

"Well, won't you want to have one?"

"I dunno. Waiting on the right guy."

"Cheesy."

"Shut up."

"Nope!"

Karkat glared up at his room mate and sat up with an adorable pout on his face. "Won't you want to get married?" he asked, only half joking. Gamzee shrugged and tossed his suit jacket and tie off to the side in a random corner then untucked his shirt. "I don't know." he answered honestly. He really didn't. He doubted he'd find anyone who'd wanna even date him, let alone marry him. He once had a shred of hope, but after today, he doubted any of his crushes would want him, especially Tavros...

Tavros...

He'd loved Tavros with all his heart, then nearly took the guy's head off, literally. It wasn't his fault, right? Tav forgave him, right? Oh what was the use? After Tavros broke up with him he'd begun to doubt anyone at all would love him the way he loved others. And that was sad. Gamzee felt in his heart that he had so much love to give, and often times he handed it out, but mostly, people just took it to make him happy then they threw it out when they thought he wasn't looking. Before, Gamzee hadn't noticed what people did with the affection he showed, the Tavros left him and acted like all the love they'd had, acted like the sex and the kisses and the hugs... He acted like it all meant nothing to him. Gamzee continuously gave his love away like extra change, hoping for it to end up in someone's pocket, but time and time again he'd get left out like a penny in the rain. Feferi was the only person he could think of that held onto the love he showed her, but it was never in her pocket. It was on her dresser where she could see it and hug it when she felt sad. (Okay, yeah, Gamzee knew it was silly to compare his love and affection to objects, but that's how he felt about it.)

"Gamzee?"

"Hm?"

Karkat looked nervous as he blushed and looked off to the side. "I dunno about marriage shit but..." But? But what? What was the little guy so damn nervous about? "Wanna go out with me?"

Gamzee stopped and stared at Karkat, jaw dropped and eyes wide. Had his crush, the cutest little motherfucker he'd ever met, just asked him out?! His mind was reeling, he was internally screaming and doing several mental happy dances, but he couldn't force out a yes. He was just too shocked. Karkat, however, took Gamzee's silence and face as rejection and huffed, standing. "It was stupid to ask." he muttered under his breath, starting for his room. "I should have known bet-."

"Wh-what made you w-wanna ask me, brother?"

Karkat stopped at the shakiness off Gamzee's voice. Was he crying? Oh god he was. Karkat sighed and looked off to the side, trying to figure out how to best explain himself. "Well..." he muttered, shuffling his feet. "Over the lat month or so I've been... God this is stupid... I've been feeling like I care a fucking lot about you and I wasn't sure how to describe it. Kurloz told me he figured I was in love with you and... I... I guess he's right, god I dunno! I just feel safe as fuck around you and I worry about you all the damn time, I like to look at you and then I get these fucking thoughts in my head about us ha-. Fuck it! forget I said that last little part!"

Gamzee laughed as he Karkat rambled. He figured he should give him an answer though. "Sure, Karbro."

"Huh?"

"I'll go out with you."

Karkat tried to force down the smile forming on his face and tried to beat back his excitement, but ultimately he failed and ended up launching himself at the taller male, grinning like a moron.


	8. Don't Touch Him

Karkat awoke to feeling a pair of long arms around him, a feeling he wasn't sure he'd ever get used to simply because it always brought a reluctant and unwanted smile to his face. Gamzee had moved back into the bedroom with Karkat and the two now slept together on the queen sized bed the resided within the room. Gamzee was still passed out if his deep, rhythmic breathing and occasional mumbling was anything to go by. Gamzee was an excellent bed companion in Karkat's opinion. The clown, despite being thin, he was slightly muscular and gave off quite a bit of heat. Heat Karkat had to wear three jackets, two pairs of socks, and fuzzy pajama pants laying under the comforter to get normally. Gamzee was also a cuddler and would wrap himself around Karkat at night like a momma cat to her kittens. One thing Karkat liked about Gamzee was that the guy had little body hair due to a genetic mutation, causing the indigo color of his eyes. so that meant no itchiness. He knew the Ampora family's genetic mutation resulted in violet eyes and no body hair at all, which made Karkat gag at the thought due to the Amporas lack of hair in the nether regions.

Testicles were not pretty things, god damn it! The looked like they were one hundred years old, like they were tried up or something, but at the same time they could end up moist like... What the fuck is the temperature down there?! Okay, granted, he'd seen some balls that could look fine without hair but, he doubted Cronus had those. Of course, Kankri was likely okay with it because he shaved down there. Ew and ow. There was no fucking way Karkat would ever let a razor near his balls! Not that he'd ever need one. His pubes weren't thick or gross so he was okay. Back to Gamzee. Gamzee didn't grow chest hair, nor armpit hair (which pissed Karkat off to no end because he had to constantly shave his under arms. Not that he'd tell anyone.). The only body hair Gamzee had was leg and arm hair (no that either were too noticeable) and some pubes. Speaking of those, both men had slept without shirts on so now Karkat could feel his boyfriends pubes on his stomach. Ew.

Okay, he wasn't against it wholeheartedly, but still, it was weird and kinda gross. But he supposed he could live with it. He snuggled his head into the taller's chest and closed his eyes, content to listen to the loud beating of Gamzee's heart. Most of his friends thought he was weird for liking to hear hearts beat but, he found the sound comforting. Kankri had once told him it was because the sound would subconsciously remind him of their mother's heart beat from when he was in the womb. Okay. Yeah. What the fuck ever Kankri. Go spit bullshit some where else to someone who might listen. Might.

Karkat groaned as his phone decided to belt out the most annoying of all his ring tones. Sweet Little Bumblebee by Bambi was Sollux's ringtone. Sollux had set it to that, not even because he liked the song, in fact he hated it, but it was just to piss off his crabby little friend. Oh and did it piss him off. The noise had roused Gamzee and the clown grabbed the phone, annoyed that his wicked motherfucking dreams had been interrupted, and passed it down to Karkat before seeming to fall back asleep. Karkat huffed and answered, trying not to wake Gamzee again. "I was peacefully cuddling my boyfriend and then you ruined it. What do you want?" he snarled into the phone, growing more irritated when he heard Sollux chuckle. "Chill, dude." Sollux said, still chuckling. "I jutht wanted to invite you and GZ over to a party at my place. In or out?" Karkat sighed and then softly screeched into the phone. He loved Sollux's parties, really the guy really knew how to throw a sweet fucking party and still keep it so no one got drunk, drugged, or raped.

"When?"

"Thaturday, you and GZ would have to come here firtht though becauthe I need GZ to help with the muthic."

Karkat was about to question why Gamzee would need to help with music, then he remembered. Bard of Rage. Right. Apparently, Gamzee was a lot more popular than he'd let on, but that didn't mean he got a lot of money from it. Most of the money from his music went towards rent, bills, and food while bar income and tips went more towards funner stuff. "What time?"

"Three thound good?"

"Sure. Now let me fucking sleep, bee fucker."

"Love you too, KK."

Karkat hung up the phone and tossed it to a random location on the bed before snuggling back into Gamzee's warm embrace. Gamzee chuckled softly, rubbing Karkat's back lovingly. "What's up, Karbabe?" Karkat glowered at the juggalo's chest, trying to burn holes into it or something with will power. Ever since they'd started dating, about two months ago, Gamzee had mostly replaced Karbro with Karbabe, much to the Cancer's chagrin. Though, he guessed it was nice to have someone call him babe for once. His last boyfriend always called him sugar bear or something else embarrassing and stupid. It was one reason he'd broken up with the guy. It was just too annoying for him to tolerate. Gamzee was just the right amount of annoying he could handle, even if he crossed the line sometimes. "Sollux wants us to go to a party Saturday." he explained, silently willing the Capricorn to go back to sleep. "He wants us there at three because you know stuff about music." Gamzee nodded sleepily and nuzzled his small partner's hair.

He loved cuddling with his tiny kitten ball of rage and grumbles. The little guy was just so squishy and so damn huggable, too much to be able to resist. Karkat's scowls often mixed with angry pouts, making Gamzee squeal internally from happiness. "Fuckass!" Gamzee snapped out of his zoned out state and looked down at the angry young man he called his boyfriend. "Let. Go!" Karkat growled. "It's almost noon and it's only early September! I don't feel like being roasted by you, the blanket, and the window!" Gamzee chuckled and released the younger man. Kakrat kicked the blanket off him and removed his pants to change them. As he went to stand, he stopped to admire Gamzee's face. He looked so much better without the make up on. Sure, it covered the scars Gamzee wasn't fond of, but Karkat hated the shitty stuff. It took a lot to convince Gamzee to at least stop using the crappy greasepaint he used to use.

Without the make up, Karkat could clearly see the droopy, almond shape of Gamzee's half lidded eyes and the lovely shape of Gamzee's lips. He shivered as he thought about those lips on his. It had taken a month before Gamzee could actually get Karkat to kiss him on the lips, but when he finally did, he'd done a happy dance while Karkat shouted at him in annoyance. Now, however, Karkat eagerly awaited and anticipated each kiss he received. When Gamzee kissed him, he felt so light, so happy and like he was truly at peace with himself. Speaking of kisses. He crawled back onto the bed and smiled down at Gamzee before kissing him. Gamzee happily kissed back, enjoying the feeling of Karkat's chapped lips on his. When they pulled apart, they simply sat there staring at each other for the moment.

Gamzee was one of the few people Karkat would drop his guard around, and that pleased Gamzee to no end. Gamzee just felt so happy with his little crab, happier than he'd been in years. Happier than he'd been with Tavros. Sure, feelings were still there for the mohawked Taurus, but they would never over take his feelings for his crabby Karbabe. Karkat slipped off the bed again and began to dig through the closet for some clean clothes that actually fit him decently while Gamzee rolled out of bed and stretched, popping his back. Gamzee stood next to the bed, lazily watching Karkat pull on a pair of grey jeans then a black t-shirt with a grey Cancer sign on it. Ever since that painting of him, Karkat had wanted shirts with that grey cancer symbol on them, so Gamzee had designed and ordered a plain t-shirt, a tank top, and several sweaters with the simple pattern. In the process, Gamzee decided to make some of his own so, he'd gotten several tops with an indigo Capricorn symbol on it.

Hey, why not wear one of those? He meandered over to the closet when Karkat was through and grabbed one of the shirts an a pair of black skinny jeans, with one of the legs having a neon green, checker board pattern. He didn't feel like wearing his pajama pants today and he liked these pants a lot. He also snagged his neon purple high-tops, the ones he'd let Karkat write all over. The scribbles were mostly insults and I hate yous, none were true obviously, but they made Gamzee happy. He had something his little miracle had written on and that was just all kinds of bitch tits motherfucking awesome.

Today was the couple's day off and for once... They had nothing to do, not even an errand to run. The kitchen was fully stocked, all bills were paid, the apartment was cleaned, and laundry was done. Karkat was about to make just such a comment when his phone rang again. Thankfully it wasn't Sollux. Manicure played on his phone, alerting him to a call from Cronus. He quickly answered it, not wanting to keep his brother-in-law waiting. After all, it might be something serious. "Hey, Cronut." he greeted, using the teasing nickname he'd had for the guy since elementary school. He heard Cronus snort before the greaser spoke again. "Hey Crabcake." Cronus greeted in turn. "Listen, Kanny says your adoptive folk have a package of yers that got dropped off there. He didn't call ya himself cause his damn phone died." Odd. Kankri's phone rarely died. "What, you keep away from a charger all morning and all last night?"

"Maybe~."

"Ew. Gross. Anyways, tell Kankri I'll get the package."

"Sure thing, chief. Lovwe you."

"Love you too, jackass."

Karkat hung up the phone and slipped it into his pocket before playfully punching his spaced out boyfriend's arm. "C'mon." he said, smirking. "I gotta get something from my adoptive parents's house." Gamzee blinked and followed after Karkat, a look of confusion on his face as he grabbed his paint splattered backpack, in case the package was too big for the bag on his motorcyle. Karkat never mentioned he'd been adopted. Sure, he'd guessed someone besides his parents had raised him, but he'd never though the guy had been flat out adopted by strangers. "Gamzee." The clown looked up, realizing he was about to run into his motorcycle, then looked down at Karkat, who was making sure his phone was secure in the bag strapped to the bike. "They're really homophobic, so no kissing or holding my hand. Hugs are okay as long as they're quick and don't look like we're dating." Gamzee nodded as he got on the bike. He'd forgotten that some people weren't okay with gays.

He'd grown up in a house full of love and acceptance. When he'd come out to his father and brother, the both of then had simply said, "Me too." All his friends loved him as he was, gay or not. Everyone he'd met accepted him without question or second thought that he'd genuinely forgotten about people who thought it was wrong. The idea of going to that house seemed to scared Karkat a little, seeing as his grip on Gamzee was tighter than normal.

* * *

"Karkat!" Karkat grunted and huffed as Mrs. Dowell hugged him tightly. He hated hugs from most people, but especially her. He could just feel her unknowing hate of him rubbing off on his clothes. It grossed him the fuck out. "Who is this?" the woman asked, looking to Gamzee. For a brief moment, Karkat was glad the clown had forgotten his make up that morning. "Oh, this is Gamzee." he answered, playfully nudging the taller man. "He's my room mate." Gamzee pulled a fake pout and slumped down further than he already had. "Aww, Karbro." he whined. "I thought I was your best motherfucking friend." Karkat rolled his eyes at the act, but was inwardly sighing with relief. This was going to go smoothly. Hopefully.

Mrs. Dowell giggled and smiled at Gamzee. "Well, I'm glad Karkat's made a knew friend." she said cheerfully. Something about the woman's voice made Gamzee wanna snap her neck. He didn't know what, but Small Voice told him it was because it reminded him of his baby sitter when he was little. He'd named his voices Small Voice and Big Voice. Big Voice only spoke out when Gamzee was angry or Gamzee was in a situation that caused him(them) anxiety. Small Voice was the one that seemed sad, almost reluctant to speak up most of the time. That didn't make him any less sadistic than Big Voice. In fact, Small voice was worse than Big Voice. Big Voice favored quick, bloody violence while Small Voice liked slower, more painful violence.

Voices aside, Gamzee followed Karkat further into the house and looked around. There were pictures of Karkat and Kankri all around but they never seemed happy in any of them. Like they didn't want to be there. Which was understandable, really. Their father was gone and they were being raised by homophobes. That was a thing Gamzee had never really noticed about the world. There were people that hated them. Gamzee was lead into the dining room where he and Karkat sat while Mrs. Dowell went to get Karkat's package. Mr. Dowell sat at the table with them, drinking coffee and eyeing Gamzee suspiciously. He didn't like the look of this tall young man, mainly because of the three long scars across his face. And that hair! Gamzee hadn't brushed his hair that morning so it was messier than usual and his choice of clothing that day wasn't helping the elder's opinion. He looked like he just got out of a rave or something of the like. He'd heard the introductions so he knew this kid's name was Gamzee. What a stupid name, really. Who named their child that? He barely understood how Kankri and Karkat's father could stomach naming them those names.

He'd tried to get them to legally change them at a young age, but the boys and thrown fits and his wife had scolded him.

Karkat noticed the look Mr. Dowell was giving Gamzee so he figured, why not piss him off and distract him from Gamzee? He pushed his hair back and put his feet up on the table, immediately earning him the harsh glare of his adoptive father. "Karkat!" he scolded. "Feet down!"

"Why? No one's eating."

Mr. Dowell's face began to turn red, redder than Karkat's shoes, as he huffed and glared daggers into the nineteen year old. This child was too damn cocky! Of course, Mrs. Dowell had chosen the perfect time to walk in. "It's not a big package, Karkat." she said sweetly, handing over the box. "But I suspect it's from one of your friends." Karkat nodded and looked over the package. It was from Japan, which seemed odd initially, then he remembered his friend Aradia. Aradia was from Japan and had moved back a week after Kankri and Cronus's wedding under her mother's order. Part of Karkat was glad they'd left. Damara, Aradia's older sister, was a creeper and a fucking pervert who'd never spoken English, yet everyone knew what she was saying.

"Karkat, is that a hickey?" Karkat tensed and raised a hand to his neck where he knew the tell tale bruise was. He'd totally forgotten about it. He'd been making out with Gamzee the night before when Gamzee decided to break away and suck on Karkat's neck, which the younger hadn't objected to, feeling he deserved that kind of attention. It had felt really good, like Gamzee was really loving him. Luckily, Gamzee knew Karkat wasn't ready for sex with him yet. Sure, Karkat had had impulse sex before, but he wanted to take this relationship slower than his last one. He rubbed the hickey and looked between his adoptive parents, unsure of what to say. Luckily, once again, Gamzee always had his back.

"Whoa! What?!" Gamzee exclaimed, faking surprise as he stood and went to look at the hickey. "Motherfucker!" he laughed, ruffling Karkat's hair. "Why didn't you all up and tell a brother you got lucky?" Karkat glared (halfheartedly) at the Capricorn and huffed, trying to hide the bruise. "I didn't say anything because I knew you'd flip the fuck out like a school girl." Gamzee laughed and hugged the younger man briefly before ruffling his hair again. "Ah, c'mon, brother. We gotta up and motherfucking celebrate this shit!"

"No, Gamzee. We don't."

"Yeth."

"Don't start talking like Sollux, oh my fucking god!"

Gamzee laughed again, this time so hard he was clutching at his sides as he struggled for breath. Karkat let out and exasperated screech as he slumped down in his seat. He'd gotten a look at Mr. Dowell before he slipped under the table. The man was not happy.

Mr. Dowell glared angrily as Karkat stood back and went over to aggressively "shoosh pap" his laughing friend. Something wasn't right here, especially not with that tall boy. Then it hit him. The way Gamzee kept looking at Karkat, the way the tall boy's hands twitched like he wanted to touch Karkat... And especially Gamzee's clothes. He stood and pulled Karkat away from Gamzee roughly. "Get out!" he shouted at Gamzee, making the clown look at him in shock. What'd he do? "Get out, faggot!" Gamzee's eyes widened. How the fuck did this guy fig-? Oh... He forgot. You were a hipster if your clothes looked like Eridan's, but how Gamzee dressed, he looked gay. He guessed his some what intimate closeness to Karkat gave it away too. "Your kind is a stain on God's creation!" Mr. Dowell screamed, hiding Karkat behind him. But Karkat wasn't having any of that. "Oh shut the fuck up!" he shouted, grabbing his package and running over to Gamzee and holding his arm. "You can't call him that!"

"Why not?!"

"I'm gay too!"

That seemed to be a snapping point for the oldest man. He harshly grabbed Karkat and punched him right in the face. "No you're not!" he shouted, face red with rage. "I didn't raise a faggot!"

"You didn't fucking have to, fuck wad!"

Mr. Dowell threw Karkat to the ground and began kicking him. "We took you in! Fed you, clothed you! This is how you repay us?! By sinning against God?!" Oh fucking hell. The older man's boots hurt like hell. Steel toe work boots and the force behind the stomps and kicks didn't help any at all. Fuck. This was it wasn't it? This was where he was going to die. A sickening crack filled the air followed by a thud on the ground, then a woman screaming. The kicks had stopped and Karkat dared to look up. Gamzee stood over him, panting heavily and clutching a juggling pin in one hand and looking terrifyingly furious. Karkat could feel the rage coming off his boyfriend in waves as Mr. Dowell stood up, ready to fight. "Don't ever, AND I MEAN MOTHERFUCKING EVER! Lay one hand on Karkat." Karkat cringed at the changing pitches of Gamzee's voice. It was scary.

"Karkat isn't YOUR MOTHERFUCKING PUNCHIN BAG MOTHERFUCKER!" Gamzee shouted, a white knuckled grip on the pin in his hand. Big Voice told him to beat the shit out of the motherfucker who'd hurt his precious little miracle. Small Voice told him to gut him then let him bleed out. But neither of those were good for Gamzee personally. He didn't want Karkat more scared than he already was. He swung the pin at Mr. Dowell's head again, this time drawing blood and knocking him out. Mrs. Dowell screamed again, infuriating Gamzee even more. "SHUT THE MOTHERFUCK UP, BITCH!" he screamed, making the woman cower in the corner. Convinced she wouldn't budge for awhile, he stashed the pin back in his backpack along with the package.

Karkat looked up in fear and whined as Gamzee knelt to pick him up. Fuck, everything hurt like a bitch as he was carried outside to the motorcycle. "Think you can hold motherfucking on until we reach the hospital, motherfucker?" Gamzee asked, rage still evident in his voice. Karkat didn't feel like talking so he simply nodded as he was placed on the rear seat of the bike.

* * *

After four hours of being in the hospital, it was determined that, thankfully, the Cancer had no internal bleeding, no hemorrhaging, and nothing was broken. He never thought he'd say Gamzee's favorite word in a situation like this, but... That was a miracle. Perhaps Gamzee had gotten to him in time. Speaking of Gamzee... Where was he? "Nurse?" The nurse next to his bed looked down at him and hummed in question. "Where's uhm... Where's my boyfriend?"

"The one who brought you here?"

Karkat nodded, hoping the stupid juggalo was okay and not freaking the fuck out in the waiting room like he'd heard about people doing. Well, Gamzee would likely be sitting there seething with rage but still. The nurse explained to him that after admitting Karkat to the hospital, he'd requested to see his therapist who, coincidentally, worked at the hospital they were in. Karkat thanked the nurse for the info then sighed and layed back as she left. Fuck.

Not even a minuet later, hurried footsteps sounded in the hall, followed by the curtain hiding him was harshly pulled back. "Karkat!" Karkat gasped and went wide eyed as Kankri pulled him into a tight and worry filled hug while Cronus stood off to the side, biting his lip. Eridan poked his head in, followed by Sollux and Mituna. He guessed Cronus and Kankri had been visiting the Ampora household where the Captor boys had been dropped off. Cronus managed to pry Kankri off the younger Vantas after a minuet of struggle. "Easy, Kan." he soothed, petting Kankri's wavy hair. "He's just been through a lot. Givwe him some space." Kankri swallowed and nodded reluctantly. Sollux wandered over to the other side of the bed, followed closely by Eridan, who for once looked like he actually gave a shit. "You okay, KK?" Sollux asked, moving some hair out of his friend's face.

His heart hurt when he saw Karkat shake his head. Of course he wasn't okay! Good going Sollux. Sollux sighed and sat down. "Thorry." he muttered, leaning into Eridan's hand as the hipster pet him. Karkat looked up at Mituna and smiled a bit. "Hey Mituna." he said softly. "Kurloz here too?" Mituna grinned at the mention of his boyfriend and nodded happily. "He-He went to make thure Gamz wath okay." Good. Someone was looking after the dumbass he called a boyfriend. Karkat looked over at Kankri and cringed. The older Cancer looked furious as he sat stewing. Karkat couldn't remember any other time when he'd seen his brother so angry. Sure, Kankri was well mannered, polite, and kind to others but you mess with the baby Vantas, older Vantas would rip your fucking guts out.

One moment of silence later, Kurloz wandered in, Gamzee tailing behind looking depressed. Kurloz held out his phone to Karkat. A message was typed up. "Assure him you won't leave. He's scared to motherfucking death you will after you saw him nearly murder someone." it read. Karkat nodded and motioned for Gamzee to come over, which the clown did. Karkat held out his arms, a soft smile on his face. "Come here, stupid." he muttered just seconds before Gamzee embraced him.

The dumb clown kept muttering out apologies while his small partner sighed and rubbed his back. "I'm here, fuck ass." he grumbled. "Stop crying."

He glared as Sollux and Eridan let out soft "aww"s. He made a note to punch them both on Saturday.


	9. Miraculous Love

**(Author Note: I am not, I repeat NOT, your personal entertainment maker. I understand you all love this story, it's really quite the joy to write, but for the love of god understand something. I. am. Human. I have issues in my life that writing stories cannot help, such as sudden onsets of depression and anxiety and rage. I'm sorry you've had to wait so long for this chapter, but I honestly do not give a fuck about when you want chapters up. I will put chapters up when I am physically and mentally able to. I love all of you who follow this story, you make me feel super loved and I get excited whenever I see something positive related to this story pop up in my email, but please try to understand that I cannot meet all of your demands. I have a life and problems outside this fanfiction and if you want to make requests for faster updates, pay me. Now that I am through ranting, enjoy this sweet and sexy chapter.)**

Karkat was released from the hospital the next day, seeing as his injuries weren't bad. The only condition was that he had to take a week off from work. Easy enough. Currently, he was laying on the couch watching pointless TV while Gamzee busied himself in the kitchen with god knows what. The bruises still hurt and his head was killing him, but nothing too bad had happened. Mrs. Dowell had called the cops, saying a psycho had attacked her husband (which was technically true) and they found Gamzee, took him in for questioning, got Mr. Dowell and Karkat's sides of the story, and charges were dropped against Gamzee due to him merely coming to the aid of his lover, then Mr. Dowell was charged with assault. It felt good to know that asshole was behind bars. It gave Karkat some sense of closure. He finally felt truly free. He sighed and closed his eyes, choosing to listen to Gamzee's singing rather than the shitty cartoons on the flat screen. He loved how rough Gamzee's voice was when he spoke, but it always smoothed out in the most delicious way when he sang.

He heard the singing draw closer, then the clink of a glass on the coffee table and the clatter of some pills. He felt Gamzee press a soft, barely there kiss to his forehead. "some pain meds for those wicked pains, babe." Gamzee whispered, kissing Karkat's ear. Karkat shivered as he opened his eyes. "Thanks." he mumbled, gingerly sitting up and reaching for the meds and soda Gamzee had provided. Karkat was sure the soda was redpop Faygo, but he didn't care right now. He popped the pills into his mouth and took a swig of the soda. Yup. Faygo. Yuck. The stuff was like liquid candy, it was so damn sweet. Karkat honestly didn't see how Gamzee could force this stuff down his protien chute... Again with the repeating Gamzee's shitty phrases! He sighed and set the cup down before laying down again, starting to smell food. Gamzee was cooking. Awesome. He loved Gamzee's cooking so much. It was simple food, but tasted like awesome...

Aaaaand Dave was rubbing off on him too. Great.

Karkat waited a few moments for the pills to kick in before getting up and meandering to the kitchen. Gamzee was making meatloaf, mashed potatoes (just the way Karkat had taught him), green beans, and corn muffins. The juggalo looked up at Karkat when he heard the younger's stomach growl. He chuckled and ran a hand through Karkat's hair lovingly. He'd been so scared when Mr... When that monster had begun beating the little crab. He thought he was going to lose his boyfriend, and to a homophobic asshat no less. He was so glad he'd decided to pack his backpack with the juggling pin, which had been collected for evidence so he wasn't gonna be getting it back. Seeing Karkat curled up on the floor, crying in pain and fear had been too much and he'd gone off into a rage. Luckily he was near the hospital where his therapist worked so he quickly took Karkat there, admitted him, then went to his therapist to help clear his head.

His therapist was a young woman, fresh out of school, named Rose LaLonde. Rose was a good therapist, maybe she pried too deep somethings, but she knew how to help Gamzee calm down when he was hearing the voices again. Rose was also dating Karkat's childhood older sister figure, Kanaya. Rose, while not considering Gamzee a friend, loved talking to him. He was her only schizophrenic patient and his mind was just so interesting to her.

Kurloz had walked in on the session that day, much to Rose's chagrin and Gamzee's glee. When their father wasn't there, Kurloz had always taken care of him, loved him, and rocked him to sleep. Literally rocked him to sleep. When the nights of voices became too unbearable in his high school years, Gamzee would seek out his brother, who would often be spending time with Meulin downstairs. And every time, every single time, Kurloz would immediately ignore Meulin, which always annoyed her, and would take Gamzee into his room and hold him in his lap, rocking him until they both fell asleep. Kurloz was the one person he could go to about the voices and he would be understood.

Gamzee snapped out of his thoughts and leaned down, kissing Karkat, who happily kissed back. Karkat's arms wrapped around the taller's neck and his legs went around Gamzee's waist as he was lifted up off the ground and held close to his clown. It was moments like this that made him happiest. Being able to kiss someone he loved? Awesome. Having that person be taller than him? Annoying but awesome. Begin able to be this close to them? AWESOME. He'd never been able to cling to his ex like this. Who was this ex? It had been a question he'd been getting asked often by Gamzee before they dated, and Karkat had finally relented and told him it was Equius. Yeah... Equius Zahhak. He'd cheated on him with the guy's own brother, Horuss.

Apparently, Gamzee had dated Equius too, only for them to have to end the relationship because of the one obvious reason. That and Equius kept getting charged with domestic abuse and assault for no reason. Okay... There was a reason. Often times after Equius and Gamzee had sex, Gamzee would be left with bruises because Equius often forgot how strong he was and they got misinterpreted as being from violent abuse.

Gamzee pulled back from the kiss and set Karkat down on the counter, shooting the smaller a smirk before pulling the meat loaf out of the oven. Karkat smiled as he took in the scent of the fresh food. He wasn't a fan of meat loaf most of the time because often times parts of it would be slimy and mushy due to the bread crumbs. But Gamzee had a secret to his meat loaf. He used oatmeal instead. The oats, usually instant ones, didn't get as mushy and gross so the whole of the dish didn't taste like soggy bread. It smelled wonderful. Karkat peered over Gamzee's shoulder while the older made sure the meat was fully cooked. It looked good too. Karkat let his eyes trail from the food to Gamzee's neck. It was exposed due to Gamzee's hair being pulled up into a fluffy pony tail, and Karkat just wanted to...

He slid off the counter and approached the clown, sliding his arms around the thin torso before him. Gamzee, while faintly surprised by the warm contact, didn't object. He liked it when the crab was feeling cuddly. "Oh!" Gamzee gasped, feeling one of Karkat's hands slip into his pants. What was the little guy up to? Gamzee tried his best to focus on the food in front of him, trying to get it onto plates and ready to eat, but that was really hard when Karkat was rubbing his crotch. "K-karbro..." he managed, wiggling a bit. "After dinner, okay?" Karkat paused his actions, seeming to think over the request. Well, he was hungry. He pulled away from Gamzee, smirking at the taller's now red face.

* * *

Dinner plates, both half covered in food, lay discarded on the coffee table, napkins left on the floor, and the cups of Faygo sat forgotten as their owners made out on the couch. Karkat lay under Gamzee, one leg hooked over the taller's hip, and hands balled into fists as he clenched Gamzee's shirt tight. Gamzee supported himself with one arm while his other hand slipped up Karkat's shirt to tease a nipple, while one of his knees was pressed against the smaller's crotch, rubbing every now and again. Karkat moaned as Gamzee's long tongue moved around his. It felt so good to be kissed like this, even if it was verging on sloppy due to arousal. Funny enough, Gamzee had a name for these make outs. You guessed it. Sloppy make outs. They were sloppy, filled with messy action and saliva. These were the kinds of make outs one had when they were becoming aroused or hadn't seen their partner for a long time. They were pleasurable and down right obscene... They were amazing.

At some point, Karkat and managed to remove Gamzee's shirt, exposing the taller's nicely toned torso. He only got a moment to look at it before Gamzee was kissing and licking at his neck, making him moan softly.

Gamzee smiled faintly at the sound of his little miracle moan then bit down, earning him a gasp and a second moan. He hadn't bitten down too hard, but hard enough to be latched on pretty good. He took in a breath through his nose and began to suck on the soft flesh in his mouth. Karkat moaned louder and leaned his head away, giving the other more room. It felt so good to have someone love him this way. Equius had been too gentle and unwilling to love him physically like this. Though, now he guessed because he'd dated the mechanic after Gamzee that he couldn't blame the guy. Gamzee pulled away from Karkat's neck, then moved away entirely, making Karkat sit of and loudly voice his objection. "Hey!" he shouted. "Why'd you stop!?" Gamzee simply chuckled and pointed to his own neck. "Can I get a few of my own, brother?" he asked, biting his lip with that grin still on his face. Karkat could a faint blush through Gamzee's make up and smirked. "Okay~." he cooed, moving to straddle the taller man. "I'll be happy to give you some~."

Gamzee shivered. He'd never seen this side of Karkat before, but he'd be lying if he said he thought it wasn't arousing. They way Karkat's scratchy, higher voice could go to low and seductive like that... It sent pleasent shivers down the clown's spine. Oh and that did too. Karkat had bitten down on Gamzee's neck and it had made him shiver. Gamzee moaned as the Cancer began to suck on his neck roughly, knowing full well the clown liked it rough. The Capricorn bit his lip and whined, trying to not let out too many noises. He could get pretty loud when he was pleasured. Many a complaint had been made by his neighbors before and they always ended up the same. A dismissal and then the noises would happen again and yadda yadda. But he couldn't help it that he was vocal. It was just something he did, as did his brother.

He gasped when Karkat bit down on another spot on his neck. "K-Karkat~... Ah~." Karkat chuckled as Gamzee's little noises and pulled back to admire Gamzee's face. It was a beautiful facial expression he saw. Gamzee's brows were furrowed nervously, his lip was being bitten and he just looked so pitiful. It was a lovely sight, Karkat thought. He was about to do more, when Gamzee flipped their positions and slipped off Karkat's shirt. Gamzee went to do more to his little miracle, when he took notice of and remembered the big, ugly bruises that now littered Karkat's torso. They were ugly shades of purple, yellow, brown, and blue. Gamzee tried to swallow passed the lump in his throat as tears threatened to spill over. This was all his fault. Had he been fast enough, Karkat could have gotten away with only a bloody nose. He wholeheartedly blamed himself for Karakt's injuries, though he was certain the younger didn't feel the same.

"Gamzee..." Karkat whispered, having noticed the tears now running down Gamzee's face. "This wasn't your fault, it was mine. I should have been more careful but instead I was too absorbed in trying to leave that I wasn't focused on the present and I ended up paying the price. My fault." Gamzee shook his head. Nothing was ever supposed to be Karkat's fault, nothing at fucking all! "Gamzee..." The clown reluctantly looked up at his lover, who was looking away, trying to seem annoyed and not embarrassed. "Wanna go to the bedroom?" he asked, blushing more. "To... Yanno..." Gamzee wiped his face, smearing his make up more than it already had been and smiled a bit. "To have sex?" Karkat turned the same shade as a tomato, blushing all the way up to his ear and even down to his shoulders, and nodded. Gamzee gently lifted Karkat up off the couch and carried him into the bedroom.

Karkat couldn't help but feel nervous as he was gingerly layed on the plush bed in their room. He'd had sex plenty of times but, this was someone new, someone he genuinely loved and cared for. Equius had been more of a fascination than a crush, Horuss had been a one night stand, and Sollux (yes he'd screwed Sollux) had been a short lived friends-with-benefits. Now, here he was, laying on the bed he shared with his boyfriend, having his stomach tenderly kissed by said boyfriend as his pants were slowly pulled off. Gamzee was being so gentle, so sweet and loving. It was like he was afraid if he did something too quick or rough the younger would shatter instantly. It was endearing, if not annoying. But he couldn't bring himself to tell Gamzee to be rougher or go faster because... For the first time... He felt like... Like he was truly loved. Rough hands gently caressed his body while soft lips left tender, feather like kisses on his face and stomach. It was absolute nirvana.

Karkat sighed a bit as Gamzee pulled back to pull his pants off. Sure he'd seen the older naked before, but that wasn't in anyway sexual. At the time, they'd just been friends getting over the next bump in the road, but now they were a couple. Partners in life, getting through the bad times as they came and laughing through the good times. They had bills to pay and little to nothing figured out, but because they were a couple, they'd get through it all. Because they loved each other. And that was how Karkat felt just then. He felt so loved right in that moment that he couldn't help but giggle and try to fight his joyful tears. The watery eyes concerned Gamzee, but he quickly relaxed upon hearing Karkat giggle and seeing the smile he wore. "I love you, Gamzee." he said, leaning up and kissing the older's Adam's apple. "I love you too, Karkat."

Karakt gasped quietly as his boxers were pulled off, exposing his arousal to the cool air of the room. Gamzee leaned back a bit more and eagerly drank in the sight of his little miracle. Seeing Karkat so exposed, so happy, pleased, and eager sent shock waves of lust through him. He leaned back down to kiss Karkat's pale, chubby inner thigh, admiring how warm the skin felt against his lips. He reached a hand up and gently ran his fingers over the younger's erection, loving the noise of approval he received in return. He was wanting to take this slow, to be gentle. It was after all his first time with Karkat. His first time with someone he wanted to spend his life with. Okay, maybe that was something a bit... Out there, seeing as he was only twenty years-old and Karkat was just nineteen, but... He loved Karkat so much, more than he loved anyone else in the world. And that was saying something seeing as Gamzee loved every one he knew, even Vriska and Terezi, it was just an odd sort of love he had for them.

Karkat was writhing by the time Gamzee's lips made it from his thigh to the tip of his cock, which was already leaking pre-cum. Gamzee experimentally flicked his tongue out at the tip before deciding to take it into his mouth. Karkat gasped, nearly crying out, at the sudden heat and wetness around the head of his cock. He moaned as Gamzee took more of him into his mouth, gradually deep throating him. The feeling was just so intense, he didn't know if he could take it. Okay, yeah. He'd never had a blow job before, so fucking what? No one he'd dated before had been willing enough and he wasn't much for one night stands, minus the one with Horrus. Plus, it didn't help that Gamzee had an extremely skilled and long tongue.

The juggalo bobbed his head and sucked roughly, shivering as Karkat's moans grew louder. He was thoroughly enjoying the little noises Karkat was making. It was like a reward. A nice, loud, lusty reward. Yeah, that sounded about right. He pulled off Karkat with an obscene pop, drawing an upset whine from the smaller male. It was cute, and yes arousing, seeing Karkat so hot and bothered, wanting desperately to be fucked. "F-fucking hell, Gamzee..." Karkat whined, wiggling on the bed as Gamzee leaned over and grabbed a bottle of lube and a condom. "Just fuck me already... And chuck the damn condom! Neither of us have STDs and we're both men, so I can't get pregnant!" Gamzee could only laugh at his lover's outburst. The little guy had a point, so Gamzee decided to chuck the condom back in it's drawer. Not like he wanted to use one anyways, but he always pulled one out when he had sex just in case that was what his partner wanted.

Most people thought of him as a sexual deviant or some sort of weird rapist pervert. They even thought of his brother like that! Kurloz was a sweetie-pie and people could just fuck off. Of course, Kurloz had the same mentality about his baby brother. Back to the task at hand.

Gamzee applied generous amounts of lubricant to his fingers, smearing it over them evenly, as he watched Karkat pant in anticipation. He spread Karkat's legs a little wider and grinned as he gently rubbed the smaller's entrance with a finger before slipping it in. Initially, it was an odd feeling for Karkat, seeing as he'd not had sex since tenth grade, but he quickly adjusted to the squirming digit. With each finger that went inside him, Karkat felt increasing amounts of pleasure that started inside him then spread out across his body, right down to the tips of his extremities.

With each whimper and moan that escaped Karkat's lips, Gamzee shuddered in bliss. The noises alone could have served to get him off, honestly, but by now, Karkat was begging to be taken.

Karkat hated how pathetic he sounded right then. Pleading and begging on the bed while his boyfriend fingered him? No. That wasn't sexy or hot, it was pathetic and likely turning Gamzee off really fast. Oh god damn it, why did his insecurity have to start showing up now?! He whined as Gamzee finger's left him, leaving him feeling quite empty. God, he felt like such a whore! He just wanted Gamzee inside him. "Fuck, hurry up, half-wit!" he barked, sitting up on his elbows and glaring. The glare only lasted a fraction of a second as he glimpsed Gamzee applying generous amounts of lube to his cock. It was erotic to watch. Well, if it would have been if the younger male wasn't being so needy. "Lay down, motherfucker." Gamzee ordered gently, lightly pushing on Karkat's chest. "And just relax. Let this here clown take care o' you, motherfucker." Karkat rolled his eyes at the "This here clown" bit, but complied none the less.

He did guess he should take Gamzee's advice and relax as best he could with all the anticipation he felt. Gamzee was bigger than his previous partners and he figured that it was going to hurt a little.

Gamzee sighed deeply and positioned himself at Karkat's entrance, slipping the head of his cock inside then waiting for the okay to go further. Karkat would have found it almost endearing that Gamzee was giving him time to reconsider or adjust, but he was too horny to care. He wrapped his legs around Gamzee and tried pulling him closer. Gamzee saw that as the go ahead and happily pushed himself further into the smaller male, who moaned loudly. _Good._ Gamzee thought. _I used enough of that motherfucking miraculous lube. _He smiled softly as he stared at Karkat's flushed, open mouthed face.

He sat there for a moment, unmoving and fully inside his lover before he began to slowly move. He wanted to take this slow, and thankfully Karkat seemed to pick up on that.

He trusted slowly in and out of the smaller male, focusing on how it felt to have Karkat's inner walls occasionally tightening around him, listening to their panting and their soft moans mingled in the stuffy room. He focused on leaving love bites and faint hickies on Karkat's neck and shoulders. He briefly thought about how much he wanted to have sex like this each time they did. It was the kind of sex you had when you really loved someone. The kind of sex you'd have when you wanted to draw the pleasure out.

Karkat allowed his red-brown eyes to flutter shut and his head to loll back onto the pillow as his nails dug into the juggalo's back. It felt so good to have someone treat him so gently, so lovingly. Never in his wildest dreams did he think he'd be lying in bed in a room only lit by the full moon, while his boyfriend made slow, sweet love to him. It was a scene right out of a romance novel or movie. Albeit a cheesy one, but still. It was a scene that young romantics everywhere dreamed about, and very few ever got it. It was so sweet, so romantic, so... Intoxicating. Karkat bit his lip and furrowed his brow as he whined in pleasure. He could feel his release slowly building up in the pit of his bellyin an almost painful way. It too was pleasurable, however.

He moaned out Gamzee's name, tugging at the thick, curly hair in his hands, earning a low, breathy moan of his own name in return. He loved hearing Gamzee's voice so low and breathy. It was sexy.

A moan caught in his throat as he felt himself orgasm, splattering his torso and Gamzee with semen. "O-oh fffuuucck~!" he moaned out, arching his back. Gamzee groaned at the sudden tightness around him. Part of him was disappointed the sex hadn't lasted as long as he'd wanted, but that was overridden by his own orgasm. Karkat whined and practically purred as the taller male came inside him. It was a sensation he'd not felt before, seeing as his previous partners had used condoms.

Gamzee slowly pulled out, kind of wanting to not, then lied down next to Karkat. The two lay there, panting and smiling together for a moment or two before looking at one another. "That was awesome." Karkat said quietly, not wanting to totally ruin the peaceful moment. Gamzee chuckled and pulled Karkat close, cuddling him lovingly. "Yeah, brother." he agreed, stroking Karkat's soft hair. "Yeah it was all kinds of miraculous." Normally, the smaller of the two would have objected to the use of that word, but not this time. A good majority of him felt like that was what their first time together had been like. Miraculous. There'd been no intentionally roughness, no dirty talk, no kinks or fetishes (not to say that neither didn't have any), it had just been pure and simple, miraculous love. And Karkat was okay with that. He'd felt truly loved and cared for, like Gamzee was more focused on making him feel good rather than himself.

Karkat closed his eyes tiredly and nuzzled into Gamzee's chest, taking note the older had already fallen asleep. Oh well. He'd just stay there until morning. It wasn't like he had anything to do right then.


	10. Birthdays and Lingerie

**(Author Note: You might be noticing I use the same foods over and over again when I ever I bring up cooking in a chapter, this is because A) I imagine the characters not wanting to go through the effort of making something like shrimp or stuffed peppers and B) I'm from the south (Of the USA) so I'm basing most of the food off of what I've grown up with. I also apologize if there are typos in ANY of the chapters. My eye sight isn't very good and I have yet to get glasses.)**

"Put the fucking tree up! Oh my god you boys are motherfucking morons!" Karkat smirked as Kurloz and Gamzee pouted as their father yelled at them. For the Christmas season, the 20th through New Years, Gamzee had decided visiting his family was a good idea and right about now, Karkat was beginning to agree with that. He was sitting on the couch with Mituna, who was playing a video game with Sollux, who sat himself on the floor between the older Captor's legs, while he watched the Makara boys try to set up the large, plastic Christmas tree. GHB stood off to the side, fuming faintly, while Psiioniic stood next to him, a smirk playing on his thin lips. After Signless's tragic passing, GHB and Psiioniic, both close to him, had grown closer themselves. Mituna had mentioned briefly that the two were romantically and sexually involved and really, Karkat wouldn't have put it passed them.

He knew how flirty and... _Whoreish_ the eldest Captor could be despite his cynical, cut off, and sarcastic nature. Sollux seemed to have gotten the same traits too, making Karkat want to punch the youngest Captor in the dick. With a chair. A metal one. That had spikes. Karkat watched as the Makara family pet, or rather Kurloz's pet, a large Tibetan Mastiff named C.V.. (short for ChuckleVoodo), barked loudly and tried to jump onto Kurloz, who yelped and clung to the dog's thick fur as he fell over. Gamzee laughed loudly and hurried over to the couch, sitting in front of Sollux, as means to not get trampled by the giant dog. When C.V. was let outside to play in the snow, Gamzee's cats wandered out. Gamzee owned four cats here in his father's home, which he planned on taking back to the apartment and frankly, Karkat didn't care.

Pins was the fat orange tabby who could only waddle around the house while his belly dragged the floor and he glared at anyone who dared giggle at him. Well, except Gamzee. He loved Gamzee. Sopor was the brown and white, big eyed munchkin cat and Karkat's favorite, mainly because Sopor was a cranky little guy who had a habit of sticking his tongue out. Faygo was Gamzee's favorite by far. Faygo was a huge lynx who often forgot he was so big and tried to curl up in people's laps. And finally there was Imp. Imp was the oldest cat and a hairless sphinx cat to boot so he looked his age. He even had that croaky old man meow and he liked the Captor family best. Not that the Captors were fond of him, poor thing. Mituna screeched whenever Imp got too close and Sollux would push the cat away. Psiioniic seemed to be the only one who even tolerated the old cat, so Imp stayed around him.

Faygo purred loudly as he crawled over to Gamzee, who happily hugged the large cat. Karkat had often thought Gamzee would be the dog person and that Kurloz would be cat person, but nope! Gamzee hated dogs, personally. They slobbered and were too much work, especially for a schizophrenic. Cats could take care of themselves basically and they were one of the few species who will actually cuddle with their owners when their owner was upset. That is if the cat chose the owner, or something like that. Gamzee had spouted a bunch of nonsense that day, too much for Karkat to properly handle. Which was usually the norm, but for some reason it was really hard to process that day.

The front door burst open, allowing C.V. to run back in, scaring the cats again, and in strutted Eridan. "Peasants!" he shouted, pointing to Sollux, Gamzee, and Karkat. "Fetch me a drink!" The trio raised their eyebrows at the cape wearing hipster at the door. Eridan was such a snobby prat it was almost nauseating. Thankfully Cronus was there as well to make his younger brother stop being such a douche fin. Cronus shoved Eridan out of the way, making the younger Ampora fall over. Kankri was with them as well and took it upon himself to start lecturing Cronus, who merely nodded and grunted in agreement at proper intervals. Dualscar closed the door behind him while his sons went about their business within the house. While Dualscar had never been particularly close to anyone in his own group of twelve, or rather now eleven, he still considered them to be his friends. Especially GHB and Psiioniic. Psiioniic had been his boyfriend for a long time and they'd gotten along swimmingly as Dualscar might have said. But when they turned twenty five or so, they broke up due to Psii's inability to emotionally cope with what Connie had done to him. Dualscar was still there for a majority of Psii's healing, but they weren't romantically involved.

Kankri had once offhandedly mentioned overhearing a phone conversation between Dualscar and Psiioniic discussing whether or not they should date again. Cronus had often mentioned how he thought that it'd be a good idea, but then Eridan and Sollux started dating and the eldest of each respective family thought it might bee too awkward if they dated while their sons did. So, they remained only friends, but still openly discussed the potential of a dating relationship again, much to Eridan and Sollux's chagrin.

GHB had finally set the tree up properly, seeing as his sons abandoned their duty of setting it up in favor of playing with their pets or cuddling their boyfriends. "Alright!" GHB said, grinning widely. "Let's decorate!" Gamzee and Kurloz hopped up from their sitting positions and hurried over to the tree, urging the other boys to do the same. Reluctantly, Karkat wandered over, Sollux and Eridan in tow, while Mituna happily dragged Kankri and Cronus to the tree. As the eight of them decorated (the adults sitting out to talk about recent events), those who were unfamiliar with the cats began to notice something. They liked helping Gamzee out, especially Pins and Faygo. Sopor trotted around, trying to help Karkat while Imp sat peacefully by Sollux, occasionally handing him a bulb. "Okay," Karkat said, looking up as Faygo passed off another bit of the lights to Gamzee. "Did you train them to do this shit or what?" Ignoring the brief scolding of offensive language from Kankri, Karkat raised an eyebrow as Gamzee giggled and shrugged. "Nah, brother." he said, finally finishing putting up the lights. "They just do it."

Kurloz nodded in agreement, signing to any who understood that he wished C.V. was as helpful. Mituna, Kankri, Cronus, and Gamzee all laughed a little, being the only ones who understood the mime's signing. Karkat had tried on many occasions to learn sign language, but he'd eventually just given up. It was too hard and irritating to him. Luckily, Kurloz had simply found the attempt cute and laughed it off when Karkat said it was too hard and stupid. Sollux had claimed he didn't have time to learn due to school, but everyone knew he just didn't want to. Eridan just didn't care.

Kurloz leaned over and placed a gentle kiss to Karkat's cheek, making the Cancer freeze, eyes wide and brow furrowed in confusion. Kurloz chuckled and typed up a message on his phone then showed it to Karkat. "My little invertebrother has been happier than I've seen him in years. Thanks to you that is. Thank you so much for that. :O) " Karkat made and 'o' shape with his mouth before nodding. It wasn't the first time he'd been told Gamzee was happier than he'd ever been since they got together. Equius had said it, Nepeta had said it, Tavros, Terezi, Kankri, and even Vriska had said it. Gamzee apparently laughed more, smiled more, and even wore more revealing clothing. Speaking of such clothing...

Gamzee was wearing a pair of shorts and a tight, black tank top, which helped show off his muscular form and his tattoos. Gamzee had decided to get some tattoos about a week after their first time together and the first one had been a large red and black crab on his left upper arm. Ocean waves had been tattooed behind it and then he had gotten a sea goat winding down his arm. With help from Karkat they'd all healed nicely and looked great. Though, Karkat was still unsure how any of the white ink showed up. He guessed part of it was because of Gamzee's darker skin.

Once he'd asked about Gamzee's ethnicity and Gamzee shrugged. He had tan skin like his brother and father. His mother had been pale skinned, but neither Kurloz or Gamzee had been any paler than their father. The Capricorn said he figured he was Indian based upon his grandmother's features. Why hers? GHB looked more like a tan skinned European than Indian. He also guessed his mother might have had either Native American or African genetics some where in her family thus resulting in her sons not being paler than GHB.

Gamzee tapped Karkat's shoulder and held something in front of his face. It was a picture of them that had been taken the day Gamzee decided to get his crab tattoo. They'd been laying on the couch, wearing only shirts (not that that part was noticeable seeing as the picture was from the shoulders up) when Gamzee decided to take a picture with his old Polaroid camera. Initially, Karkat had objected to it, seeing as a) he was tired because they'd had sex that morning, and b) because he just didn't like his picture being taken. But Gamzee had managed to convince him otherwise and he'd allowed the picture to be taken.

Now, that very picture was being dangled in front of him by a red and purple piece of yarn. "Why is that on yarn?" he asked, taking it from his boyfriend. Gamzee chuckled and point over to the others. Each of the other couples were hanging pictures of themselves on the tree, each with a different piece of yearn that matched their colors. "You're family Karbabe." Gamzee said. "And we here in the Makara family hang photos of the couples and family members that we like on the tree every single Christmas."

Karkat couldn't help the lump he felt in his throat. Just being dating, let alone meeting, one person gave him a whole family. Even by being Cronus's brother in law hadn't given him that. Sure, the Amporas would have been family, and by faint extension the Captors would have been too, but he wasn't close to them before, not like he was now. For the first time in years, he finally had a family, a true family, to call his own. Grinning, he hung the picture of him and Gamzee in between the one of Cronus and Kankri and the one of Kurloz and Mituna. GHB walked over with Psii and Dualscar and they hung their photos. Psiioniic and Dualscar argued for a minuet before Dualscar relented and let the Gemini hang the photo of them, making Eridan and Sollux gag.

GHB snorted at the kids as he hung his own photo. It was of him and Signless, taken just a week or so before Signless was killed. It was the first time Karkat and Kankri had seen their father's face in years and they both tried to fight tears as they gazed upon their father's smiling face. As he looked, Karkat came to realize that yes, he did look like his father more than Kankri did. Kankri was more feminine with his rounded face and curvy body and big eyes. Kankri's hair was also wavy, like their mother's. Signless's hair was straight and messy, like Karkat's. It was also red, just like Karkat's natural hair color. Kankri's hair was naturally black like their mother's also, but he often bleached it, leaving it an off sort of cream color, making him look kind of albino. Another feature Karkat shared with his father was freckles. Karkat had so many damn freckles some of them turned into countries. Literally, he'd found some his freckles turned into a miniature Russia. Which he'd laughed at because Russia was a homophobic country based upon it's laws and he was gay and had a mini freckle Russia on his neck. Though it was currently covered by a hickey or two, which he kept hidden from Kankri under his turtle neck sweater not feeling in the mood to listen to his brother's rants.

Still staring at the picture, Karkat also noticed how much Signless had seemed to love GHB. In the picture, Signless was sitting in GHB's lap, staring up at him admiringly, a faint look of sarcasm on his face, while GHB was laughing. It was a sweet picture.

"Funny." GHB mumbled, making Karkat look up at him. GHB was poking the picture of Karkat and Gamzee. "You and Gam all up and motherfucking look like me and Signless... That's all kinds of miraculous." The young Vantas couldn't help but smile. It was kind of flattering to know he and his lover were like their fathers, even if it was a little odd that their fathers dated in the first place. He looked up at Gamzee, who sat up on the ladder he was using to decorate the top of the tree. Gamzee was taking selfies. Karkat snorted and busted out laughing. Gamzee looked so stupid taking selfies! Gamzee pouted down at Karkat, who only laughed harder. Kankri smacked his brother, making the laughter instantly stop only to turn into yelling.

* * *

The rest of the day had passed by after that without incident. Well, other than Faygo and C.V. fighting. Twice. Karkat lay in bed with Gamzee, who was blissfully snoring away while clinging lovingly to his little crab. Karkat stared up at Gamzee's sleeping face, admiring how peaceful he looked. Even when Gamzee was tired or just relaxing he never looked as peaceful as he did in his sleep. His jaw was slacked, lips faintly parted. His eyebrows were never furrowed, just resting normally on his brow and he looked like he couldn't care less. Karkat reached up and ran his fingers lightly over the taller male's jaw line. admiring how soft the skin was. Gamzee hadn't ever had facial hair thus never had the need to shave. Gamzee's skin was always so soft, like he constantly used lotion or something, but Karkat knew that wasn't the case seeing as there was never a single bottle of lotion in the apartment.

He trailed his hand down to Gamzee's chest, which was bare like always when he slept. His chest was just as smooth and soft as his jawline. Karkat smiled softly as Gamzee honked in his sleep.

A loud blip from his phone startled Karkat into an upright position. Thankfully the noise hadn't woken Gamzee, so Karkat snatched his phone up from the nightstand (which was just an old stack of books glued together) and read over the Trollian message he'd gotten. It was from Kankri.

**comradesGeneticist [CG] **began trolling **carcinoGeneticist [CG]**

**CG: **Karkat, may y9u please c9me d9wnstairs? I need to discuss s9mething urgent with y9u.

**CG:** AGAIN, THIS IS FUCKING CONFUSING.

**CG: **CHANGE YOUR GOD DAMN HANDLE, KANKRI. SERIOUSLY.

**CG: **ANYWAYS, CAN'T WE TALK HERE? I'M PERFECTLY HAPPY BEING SNUGGLED UP TO MY USELESS CLOWN SHIT BOYFRIEND.

**CG: **As much as I agree that 6eing cuddled up to my significant 9ther is much m9re c9mforta6le...

**CG: **I simply cann9t have Cr9nus waking up and seeing this.

**CG: **THAT FUCKING BAD HUH?

**CG:** I am afraid s9.

**CG: **OKAY GIVE ME LIKE THREE MINUETS. GAMZEE AND I HAD SEX SO I GOTTA FIND MY CLOTHES IN THE DARK.

**CG: **Well, th9se are images I didn't need. Thanks a l9t, Karkat.

**CG: **I LIKE SLEEPY YOU. YOU'RE MORE SARCASTIC AND LESS PREACHY.

**carcinoGeneticst [CG] **stopped trolling **comradesGeneticst [CG]**

Karkat reluctantly pried himself from Gamzee's death grip and hopped out of bed and began scrounging for some clothes. He and Gamzee had been sent to sleep in Gamzee's old bedroom, which was still occupied by shit from Gamzee's high school years. ICP posters, old circus shit, and so... So much indigo. It was like the whole of the Makara family was obsessed on indigo. Not that any other family Karkat knew was much different when it came to colors. His had been bright candy red, which was never understood by him or even Kankri, but Kankri went along with it while Karkat preferred to wear boring grey clothes.

He snatched up his boxers (thankfully they actually were his) and he pulled on one of Gamzee's baggy t-shirts then headed downstairs to the living room, where his brother waited. Honestly, what could Kankri want to talk about at three am that couldn't wait until morning? Well, he'd find out soon enough. On the couch was Kankri, who wore nothing but his underwear and one of Cronus's shirt. "Seems like wearing only boxers and our boyfriends shirts runs in the family." Karkat muttered, sitting on the coffee table across from Kankri.

Kankri smiled briefly before staring down at his hands, sure that by now his brother could see the worry and unease on his face. Karkat quickly did take notice and immediately began to worry. "Kankri?" he asked, leaning down a bit to look at the older's face. "What's wrong?" Kankri let out a shaky sigh as he looked up at his brother. "I... I feel like I'm fucking up my marriage." he admitted, looking away in shame. Karkat's eyes widened at the swear and lack of trigger tagging, but chose to ignore it. "How?"

"Whenever Cronus does something like not put his dishes in the dishwasher, I get mad and yell at him, telling him how simple the task is and he just stands there and takes it, always looking sad and he usually makes it up to me by buying me something. And... And when he brings up children I tell him to shut up."

"Sounds to me like you're just nervous and also that you don't want kids."

Kankri glared for a moment before his face softened as he realized... Karkat was right. About the nervousness part anyway. Being married was a whole new thing to him and he was actually very nervous about it. It seemed Cronus was too, but for different reasons. Kankri was nervous about the having a family bit and how they would fend for themselves, while Cronus was worried his little blogger would stop loving him and demand divorce. He turned to explain this to Karkat, who listened and nodded. This was why Kankri loved talking to his brother about romance issues. Karkat was practically an expert on things.

"Karkat, I don't hate kids, I want at least one really, I just... Don't know how I'd raise one. Sure I have experience raising you but not from the time you were an infant and-."

"Shut up, dude."

Kankri glared at his brother, who just sighed and hopped off the coffee table. "Kankri," he said, crossing his arms and scowling like he always did. " Talk to Cronus about this. He's the one who needs to hear it, not me. He'll start to think you hate him if you don't mention this to him." Kankri nodded and sighed. Kankri sighed. His brother had been in more than just one relationship so he knew how to work things out. Before he could thank Karkat, the younger was already gone.

Karkat crawled back into bed with Gamzee, not bothering to remove the clothes he'd put on, and snuggled close to the sleeping clown. "Where'd you go, brother?" Okay, he had been presumably asleep. "I woke up and you'd all up and vanished like Mituna's motherfucking food at Thanksgiving." Gamzee mumbled against Karkat's hair as he nosed into it. Karkat closed his eyes and sighed. "Kankri wanted to talk, so I lectured him a little then came back." He felt Gamzee nod tiredly as he was pulled closer.

* * *

Morning was not something Karkat looked forward to ever, but being allowed to sleep until noon was not something he enjoyed either. Karkat screeched as he chucked an old clown figurine at the wall then he gathered his clothes. Gamzee had let him sleep until noon, the asshole! He hated feeling like he had wasted half a day, and Gamzee just encouraged that. He quickly dressed and slipped his shoes on before storming downstairs. He was about to shout for Gamzee so he could smack the ever loving shit out of the clown, when Mituna and Kurloz grabbed him and dragged him into the kitchen, both grinning like morons. "What the fuck, guys?!" he shouted, squirming against the duos tight grips. "Calm down, KK." Sollux said with a broad smirk stretching across his face. His very stupid face. "We're jutht getting thit ready for your boyfriend'th birthday party."

Birthday... Karkat tugged his phone out of his pocket and checked the date. What do you know? It was Friday December twenty-second, Gamzee's birthday. How could he have forgotten?! Gamzee had been getting excited about it for weeks and wouldn't shut up! God, now he felt like a such a jackass and a shitty boyfriend. He face palmed hard and groaned as he allowed himself to look around. He cringed and shouted. "No! No no no! You ass hats are doing all this so fucking wrong! Uuuuggghhh!" he screamed, storming over to GHB, who was making whipped cream and seemed startled. Karkat took the whisk from the oldest Makara and adjusted it in his hand. "Hold it like that and whisk slowly until you see peaks in the fucking cream. Sollux! Stop using the mixer! Eridan knows how to use it, you don't!" Sollux backed away from the mixer as ordered and let Eridan take over, albeit reluctantly.

As Karkat went around the kitchen, barking orders and adjusting how things were made and what went into them, things began to run smoothly. The dinner, which consisted of mashed potatoes, spaghetti(Why? No one knew), steaks, green beans, corn bread, and some chicken soup, was being cooked by the adults (mostly Psiioniic since he had to raise two very picky eaters), baking was being handled by Mituna and Sollux while the decorating of said baked goods was being done by Kankri and Kurloz. Eridan and Cronus helped set up decorations and set the table as well as made sure C.V. was still locked in the backyard chasing squirrels, and the Captor brothers were busy setting up video games and movies for everyone to watch/play.

Karkat stood back, grinning and admiring his handiwork, when a thought occurred to him. "Hey... Where's Gamzee anyways?" GHB was the one to answer that, after fighting with Dualscar for the soup spoon first. "I gave him money to go buy stuff he wanted for his birthday." GHB explained, holding the soup spoon out of Dualscar's reach. "I usually do that since he never knows what he wants until he finds it. Yanno, miracles like that." Karkat rolled his eyes at the mention of miracles, but wondered what Gamzee was buying. He could guess. Faygo, more jello for those damn pies he occasionally ate, or maybe some random CD or more face paint.

Shaking his thoughts from his mind, Karkat began to help set out food and drinks (which consisted of water, wine, vodka, and Faygo). The moment everything was set up, Gamzee walked into the house. "Yo, motherfuckers! I'm home!" he called wandering into the kitchen. "Surprise!" the group shouted, startling the youngest Makara. Gamzee stared for a few seconds before breaking out into a grin and joyful tears. "Oh you guys!" he shouted, dropping his bags then proceeding to hug everyone. He hugged Karkat the longest, having a feeling the small male had something to do with how neat and orderly everything looked. "This is bitch tits awesome, thanks!"

"You're welcome, GZ."

"Sure, Gam."

"Happy birthday, fuckass."

Gamzee looked back down to Karkat and smiled warmly. He was falling more and more in love with the crabby little miracle the messiahs had blessed him with. Karkat helped do amazing shit like this for him, and that truly was a blessing.

* * *

"Gam, this is stupid." Karkat muttered at he looked at himself in the mirror of the bathroom that was connected to Gamzee's room. "Seriously, dude." he growled. "Stupid."

"Nah, I'm sure it's ain't. Now get out here and let a clown get his look on."

Karkat rolled his eyes and wandered out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, where Gamzee sat on the bed, waiting eagerly to see him. Gamzee, upon seeing Karkat, gasped loudly and leaned forward. The Cancer blushes and looked down at his feet in embarrassment. He was wearing bright red baby doll lingerie that Gamzee had decided to get as a birthday present for himself. The panties were lacy and hugged his chubby hips nicely, he had to admit that much, but the top was annoying. It was too loose around the chest, indicating that the garment was quite clearly intended for a woman, and the fabric that was supposed to hang loose around his torso rested faintly against his skin annoyingly and the bow on his chest was utterly stupid. Though, it seemed to be turning the Capricorn on at an extremely fast rate.

Karkat smirked, suddenly feeling very confident, and he sashayed slowly over to his boyfriend, biting his lip teasingly. Gamzee swallowed, suddenly very glad he bought the outfit for Karkat, as the smaller man crawled into his lap, straddling him. He loved it when Karkat got all flirty. It was such a turn on to see the younger biting his lip over a smirk, eyes half lidded, and face flushed faintly with pink. He reached a hand up and rested it on the smaller's cheek lovingly, admiring how cute Karkat looked as he leaned into it, eyes closed. He trailed his hand gently down Karkat's body, loving how Karkat's curves felt under his palm.

Karkat shivered as Gamzee's other hand began to touch his body along with the other, gradually becoming more adventurous as they traced patterns on his thighs. Those hands could drive anyone crazy, honestly. The were rough, calloused, and firm, but soft and gentle at the same time. Gamzee's fingers practically danced across Karkat's skin, leaving faint fires and tingling in their wake. Karkat allowed his eyes to flutter shut and a pleasured sigh to pass his lips as his head lolled back. He was so immersed in the experience of Gamzee's hands over his body that he didn't really notice when the top he worse was being removed.

With the garment out of the way, Gamzee tilted his head down to suck tenderly on the smaller's collar bone, leaving a nice purple-red bruise. He loved to mark Karkat. He loved seeing the marks on Karkat's skin as they reminded him he had someone to love like that. And he loved receiving marks as well. The ones on his own body reminded him he had someone who loved him.

He managed to pry himself away from Karkat long enough to be able to remove his own clothing until he was in nothing but his under wear. He smiled as he caught sight of Karkat's erection pushing against their tight, lacy confines, making Karkat whine pleadingly for their removal. Gamzee, not wanting to deny his little miracle pleasure, mercifully pulled the oppressive article of clothing, which earned him a soft moan as reward.

Karkat reached up and tugged at Gamzee's boxers wanting them off. Things were going too damn slow for his liking, he just wanted Gamzee inside him already. "Shhh, easy Karbabe." Gamzee soothed, massaging the small of the younger's back and kissing him softly. The kiss was slow and tender like ones they often exchanged regularly in public or when doing everyday tasks. Full of love and sheer joy. The only difference was that this one particular kiss had an underlying flare of lust. Gamzee squirmed himself out of his boxers, careful not to jar Karkat too much. He broke the kiss and moved further onto the bed before laying down. Karkat had followed his lover and was again straddling him, shivering as Gamzee's hands traced invisible flowers onto his thighs.

His fat... Ugly thighs. All confidence flooded out of his body and he instantly went to curl up in a ball, but Gamzee stopped him. "Karkat..." he whispered, rubbing the Cancer's cheek with his thumb. "You're beautiful, babe. Don't ever motherfucking forget it." Karkat couldn't help but smile. Gamzee was always to loving and tender with him. He often wondered if all the sugar the juggalo consumed daily had something to do with his kindness. No one was that kind without reason. "Kar, get the lube?" Karkat snapped out of his dorky little thoughts and nodded, reaching over to the nightstand where the lube was being hidden inside one of the books. He smiled faintly at the bottle, amused. It was a warming gel. He loved the stuff.

"Want me to stretch you, Kar?" Karkat shook his head as he squirted some of the gel into his hand before going to work on rubbing it all over Gamzee's erect cock. "Nah." he replied. "We had sex last night, I've not showered, I'm sure there's still lube in me." Gamzee chuckled at his lover's curt and cutely sarcastic response. He watched eagerly as Karkat adjusted himself and slowly slid down onto the larger male's cock. They both moaned low in their throats, thoroughly enjoying the feel of each other. Neither thought they'd ever grow tired of it.

Gamzee half gasped, half moaned as Karkat began to slowly roll his hips against his. Some how, Karkat felt tighter when he was riding him. He guessed his was the upright position. Not that it really mattered why, he just knew it felt amazing. Karkat smiled down at his boyfriend, who's eyes were rolling back into his skull. Pride swelled within him as he fully realized he was the one making Gamzee react in such a way. It made him feel like he had control, and that feeling only served to increase his pleasure as he began to bounce up and down on Gamzee.

The clown moaned softly as he felt the small man on top of him begin to bounce and he dug his nails gently into the soft, supple flesh of Karkat's hips.

No sound was heard in the room except for their soft panting and the occasional moan. The build up to orgasm was as slow and painful now as it had been their first time, but gods be damned if it didn't feel like heaven. Karkat leaned down to lie on Gamzee's chest as he returned to rolling his hips, Gamzee thrusting up on the down roll. "G-Gamzee~..." Karkat breathed into the Capricorn's neck. "I-I'm close~..."

"Me too, babe~..."

Karkat whined and grunted in faint pain as orgasm struck him a short while later, causing him to splatter both their torsos in semen, not that either cared. Gamzee came not long after, finding the new tightness too much to handle, and moaning Karkat's name softly. Karkat giggled at that as he pulled himself off Gamzee's softening member then laying next to the clown. Gamzee pulled Karkat close to his chest and sighed happily. "Happy birthday, clown shit." Karkat whispered. "Happy fucking birthday."


	11. You're Not Our Mother

**(Sorry it took so damn long to get this chapter out guys. I've just been lacking motivation for a lot of shit. Also, this is a very, VERY gruesome chapter with a shit ton of triggers. I'm sorry about that.)**

It was Christmas morning and Mituna had decided to wake everyone up by screeching loudly. Sollux and Psii and Kurloz, being used to his odd behaviors, woke without being startled, all thinking Mituna actually made a pretty decent alarm clock. Everyone else wasn't so lucky. Eridan had immediately clung to the unamused Sollux, Dualscar fell off the bed making Psii laugh, GHB hit his head on his nightstand, Kankri and Cronus both bolted up, but hit their heads together forcing them to lay back down, and Karkat jumped and glared at the ceiling while Gamzee ended up rolling off the bed and clonking his head pretty good on a bicycle horn on the floor. "Hey asth hatth! And Kurloz!" Mituna shouted, grinning happily as he stood in the hall, hands on his hips and legs spread. "Guesth who figured out how to get hith cloooooothetttth ooooffff!"

"Tuna!"

Karkat groaned as he heard the youngest and oldest Captors chasing Mituna downstairs, likely with a set of footie bee pajamas they kept on hand in case the spastic twenty six year old did figure out how to remove his own clothing. But that wasn't important right now. Gamzee was on the floor with a bicycle horn digging into his cheek. Karkat: Help your dumb boyfriend.

Ignoring his subconscious giving him orders, Karkat slid out of bed and wandered over to the twenty-one year old and gently kicked him. "Up, chuckle fuck." he ordered groggily, rubbing his eyes. Gamzee just grunted and honked the horn his face had so graciously hit when he'd fallen out of bed. "No." he mumbled against the indigo shag carpet, curling up in a ball and trying to return to his blissfully unaware and unconscious state. Karkat rolled his eyes and pulled on the older male's long leg, trying to drag him to the door and hopefully downstairs, but he only ended up falling into his ass. The Cancer growled and scootched forward, giving him just the perfect angle and distance to land a harsh kick to the clown's testes. Gamzee let out a chocked gasp and curled up into a ball, hands cupping his groin, as he stared at the wall with wide eyes. Karkak huffed and stood, a small smirk on his face. "That's what you get for not doing what you were told." he scolded, moving to stand over his boyfriend. Gamzee simply glared up at the smaller male. He didn't like being assaulted like that, but it wasn't as though he could do much besides yell at Karkat.

Then again, Karkat was easily frightened by the juggalo's yelling. Gamzee supposed that was his own fault however, seeing as he'd only ever yelled at the small man once, maybe twice, if that. He hated yelling at his lover. It made him feel like shit to see the hot head's eyes widen in fear and his shoulder come up around his neck to defend it. Karkat was so fragile and sweet and just all around amazing that Gamzee would have rather died that see that look of fear and sadness of his little crab's face.

Gamzee groaned and stood up, running his finger's through his hair and yawing. "Alright, motherfucker," he grumbled, a lazy smile slipping onto his face. "I'm up." He chuckled. "And my PJ's been up and dusted by the special stars themselves." Karkat rolled his eyes at the last bit, but mostly ignored it. By now, he was pretty much used to the streams of nonsense Gamzee spouted. After making sure Gamzee was following him, the Cancer wandered downstairs where everyone else was waiting around the tree. Kurloz sat with a wiggly Mituna in his lap (Thankfully Mituna was now in his footie pajamas), Sollux and Eridan were sitting with one another on the floor, their respective fathers behind them in chairs, GHB stood next to the tree drinking coffee, and Cronus and Kankri were cuddled up against the nearby wall. Karkat sat near Kurloz, not really wanting to be near his own brother at the moment, being quickly followed by Gamzee. Mituna whined and squirmed over to Gamzee, who happily accepted the company of the older man.

Since he'd met them, Mituna had been extremely fond of the Makara brothers, to the point where he considered them family. Of course, he'd gone and fallen in love with Kurloz, making their friendship a little rocky for awhile. They'd finally started dating when Meulin got fed up with Kurloz's supposed lack of caring about their relationship and dumped him. It seemed understandable that Mituna would fall for Kurloz, but their fathers still liked to discuss it. Mainly pertaining as to why Mituna never showed any interest in Gamzee, who was basically a mini Kurloz. Both were kind and gentle, both were violently protective, both loved cooking, dancing, painting, both were patient when they needed to be, and to top it off both hated their hair touched. Of course, Psii would argue that because Gamzee and Mituna only interacted on occasion before the present time, Mituna had no time to develop feelings for Gamzee. GHB got frustrated each time Psii said that.

The only real difference between the Makara brother was Kurloz had better manners due to the strict, but brief, upbringing his mother had provided. Speaking of her... No one actually knew what happened to the mysterious Mrs. Makara, all anyone knew was that Kurloz, GHB, and Gamzee didn't talk about her at all. In fact, Kurloz and GHB often got angry when the woman was brought up, to the point where either one could get violent. Gamzee seemed far less salty about his mother's absence, but it still bothered him to the point where he avoided talking about her at all costs. There were no photos of the woman anywhere in the house, GHB's or either of his sons's, and she was only brought up when it needed to happen, which was practically never. Saying she was a sensitive topic was the understatement of the fucking century.

GHB soon finished his coffee (Karkat was still amazed how fast the man could drink the stuff.) and began to explain the rules of Christmas in his house for those who weren't aware. The rules were these. First, the youngest of each family present opened their gifts first, one at a time, rotating between each one (Basically Karkat was first, then Eridan, then Sollux, and Finally Gamzee then back again.) Second rule was that no one was allowed to open gifts with no name on them. Those were for a sort of White Elephant type of game where one person picked a present then the next person could either pick another present or take the one another person picked. It was a game apparently common in the Makara household. As GHB tiredly handed out gifts to each person, Karkat took the time to watch each person's pile build up. Gamzee and Kurloz so far had a medium sized stack of large indigo wrapped presents, and one stack of small yellow or red wrapped gifts. Mituna and Sollux each had a pile with mixed colors. Mituna with indigo and yellow and Sollux with red and blue. Karkat never understood his friend's fascination with red and blue. It was honestly stupid and reminded him of Halo.

The Ampora brothers seemed to mingle their stacks of gifts, losing certain violet with indigo. Kankri had a medium sized stack of presents in all different colors, much like Karkat's own. As each person's pile grew, Karkat began to wonder where in the actual fuck did these gifts keep coming from?! Was the tree just some kind of vortex that held presents hostage until Christmas? Presents from Psii, from Dualscar, from Cronus, from Gamzee, from Kurloz, presents, presents, presents! After receiving about ten more presents in his pile, Karkat decided now would be the best time to hide in them. Laying down, he caused all his gifts to fall on top of him. Thankfully the majority of them were light, only the heavy ones kept standing. Under his little present avalanche, he could hear Gamzee laughing, occasionally letting out one of his adorable honking snorts.

* * *

Karkat sat in Gamzee's room, admiring all the cool shit he'd gotten that day. Most of the little stuff had already been packed up in his bags, ready to be put into Gamzee's car. Most of it was hair dye though. Kankri had bought him a shit ton of black hair dye for Christmas and he'd nearly screeched when he finally realized he'd not dyed his hair in several months. In fact, when he remembered, he'd run straight to the nearest bathroom and actually did screech when he saw his ginger roots. Sure, he liked his natural hair color, but it was annoying how often he'd get picked on for it, so he simply dyed it the color Kankri was born with. Funny enough, Gamzee needed some hair dye too. Karkat had spent a good half hour during present unwrapping to look through Gamzee's hair at the natural brown. Gamzee's natural color was like chocolate, so initially the Cancer had no idea why his boyfriend dyed his hair, but then he saw what happened when light it hit. It looked dark blonde in the light.

"Karkat..." The small man look up when Gamzee walked into the room. The clown never said his full name unless it was serious. He stood up, brow furrowed, and he went over to Gamzee, who seemed nervous. His hair was wet, freshly dyed by the look of it, and he was chewing his lip. "Karkat..." he repeated, holding out a small box wrapped up in magenta paper with a bright red bow on top. The box about the size of Karkat's hand and weighed pretty much nothing, he noted as he took it. "Open it..." Karkat glanced up at Gamzee, who still looked nervous, and nodded. He carefully removed the paper and pulled it aside. The box it's self was red and covered with tiny chibi crabs. It had to have been a custom made box, there was no way the juggalo just found it in a store. Inside the box was a letter written in Gamzee's girly hand writing, complete with the purple ink of the fine point Sharpie Gamzee liked to write with. Karkat swore their apartment was littered with dozens upon dozens of purple fine point Sharpies that the clown refused to throw out unless they were truly and fully out of ink.

_Karkat,_

_You know as well as I do that I ain't no good at this language shit, but I'm gonna try._

_These last few months with you have been a motherfucking miracle, brother. Before you called about my ad, I was a lonely motherfucker who honestly though he'd be better off dead in a ditch. I hated my illness, hated my job, hated my motherfucking face, and I especially hated what I'd done to Tav, Eq, and Nep, and especially what I'd done to Kurloz. I was in the darkest, most unmiraculous place I had ever been, and dark places were pretty fucking common for me growing up being a nut case and all. _

_The day you called, Karkat, I'll be honest, I was just about to kill myself, down all my motherfucking meds,_ all of them,_ when the land lord called me up and gave me your number and talking about how you wanted to be my room mate. That had been the first time in a long motherfucking time I'd actually smiled for real. Something was going right. The Messiahs had answered my prayers and done something good for me. And a good thing you are, babe._

_When most motherfuckers would be running away from me in my moods, you chase me and yell at me to get my head out of my ass. Or you'll shuffle behind me when it's real bad and just gently ease me down with paps and kisses. You act as my muse in a lot of my art and I've been able to paint more often because I have the inspiration, the energy, to do it. My music is better because of you, my fucking life is better. You opened up my eyes to a world that isn't so dark as the one I up and lived in for so long. The Voices weren't as loud any more and my real self shined through more and more until this point._

_I'm me again. I'm happier than I've ever been. People aren't lying when they tell you I'm happier and brighter than they've seen in a long time. _

_So this here, in this box, is my gift to you. It's not much, kinda cheesy actually, but I think it fits. This will never show how much I love you or thank you for being in my life, but it's a start._

_Merry Christmas, babe._

_All my motherfucking love, Gamzee._

the letter had smeared in several places leaving Karkat to guess Gamzee had been crying while writing it, and he couldn't blame him. Gamzee had to write out that he'd wanted to kill himself then write out exactly what he'd planned on doing. Karkat wanted to cry too, now that he thought about it. He'd never thought that the jovial moron he'd first spoken to over the phone earlier that year had been depressed. He'd never once thought that the idiot who'd hugged the day they met wanted to end it all. Gamzee was such a ray of sunshine in Karkat's own miserable life he'd never even once considered that maybe Gamzee was just as deep in darkness as him. Under the tear stained letter was a silver necklace with a plain round pendant on the chain. After laying the letter on Gamzee's bed he pulled the necklace out. "It opens." Gamzee said softly from the other side of the bed where he was laying.

The Cancer sighed a bit and opened up the pendant, or rather locket. The contents made a smile split across his face. One half of the pendant was a picture of them kissing from a photo strip they'd gotten at a photo booth in the mall. They'd both worn the brightest neon outfits they owned that day, mostly because Sollux was having having a rave at his house, and each had what they called "sex hair". It had been a fun day. The other half was a picture of them Gamzee had taken on the bed after they'd had sex after a long day of stressful work. In that picture, both were sweaty and red faced, looking tired but utterly happy and sexually sated. One might have found it weird for someone to put a post-sex picture inside a locket, but Karkat found it nice. It was cool to be able to see two different parts of his relationship with Gamzee at once. The cuddly, goofy, and "oh god it's so fucking sweet its giving me god damn diabetes" part of their relationship and the "we have a fucking awesome sex life" part of it. Sure, it was only two parts, but those were the happiest parts of it.

Karkat happily slipped the necklace on and sat next to Gamzee, who hugged him close. "Thanks, Gamzee." Karkat mumbled, happily hugging back. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you too, motherfucker."

Karkat went to say something, but got cut off by a loud bang coming from outside followed by shouting. Gamzee ran to the window and opening it up, peering outside. Karkat followed and looked out too. In the yard was GHB holding a pistol being held back by Psii and Duals, while a woman with long brown hair, the same color as Gamzee's natural hair color. The woman was dressed in a long white dress that flowed with the cold winter wind and her body was thin and fragile looking, like she'd break from the touch of a feather. Gamzee's face took on a look of indifference as he climbed out the window and onto the roof. How the fuck Gamzee was so coordinated, Karkat would never know. What he did know was that GHB seemed set on shooting the woman in front of him.

Kurloz, who was already on the roof, looked up as Gamzee climbed up, sharing the emotionless mask his younger brother wore. The two sat next to each other, content to watch the scene below unfold.

"Get the motherfuck off my property woman or so help me I'll-!"

"Kill me? Is that it, Grant?"

GHB growled and struggled weakly against his friends. Despite being larger than them, Psii and Duals were both incredibly strong and easily held the giant of a man back. GHB glowered at the woman before him. Her name was Megan and she was the mother of his sons. Well, she used to be their mother. At this point in the boys's lives, she was little more than a washed up incubator to him. She'd not cared for her sons at all. She'd forced Kurloz to practice proper etiquette from the time he could could start speaking. She was so adamant about forcing manners on him she'd actually beaten him when he fucked up. GHB remembered that day as clear as a polished wine glass. He'd come home from work, expecting to hear little three year old Kurloz giggling about a cartoon. Instead, he'd heard Kurloz shrieking at the top of his lungs and crying while Megan mercilessly beat him with a metal meat mallet. He'd had to throw her off the child, literally, then scoop him up and rush him to the hospital. GHB couldn't remember a day before then that he'd been so scared. Kurloz suffered a few broken ribs, a broken femur (holy shit that was fucking hard to break, but she did it), and severe head trauma.

Why he didn't turn Megan into the police, he had no idea, but a small part of him was glad he hadn't, because two years after that, Gamzee was born. Gamzee had learned to walk and talk pretty quickly once he got that hang of using his muscles, but that just spurred Megan on to try and force him to be proper. Kurloz, despite having been very young, quickly resented his mother after she'd beaten him nearly to death. At five years old, he hated her and did everything he could to keep Gamzee away from her. However, he'd gotten distracted one day by coloring in his room when he'd heard the screaming of little two year old Gamzee downstairs. She'd done it again.

When Kurloz had gotten downstairs he was met with a gruesome sight. Megan had been hovering over Gamzee, who was on the floor crying, holding a soup ladle. Kurloz had run over, picked up the bloody child and rushed out of the house, daring not to look back as he ran to the hospital.

GHB felt tears in his eyes, angry and guilty tears, as he thought about what his ex-wife had done to his children. She'd left permanent psychological damage on his sons and he had no way of being able to tell if either of the boys were actually okay. Megan, the woman he'd married the divorced, had brutally beaten _babies_ simply because they couldn't say the words, "Yes Ma'am" without fumbling. He hated Megan and wanted her to be dead, a bullet in her pretty face. She had no right to look so gorgeous, not when she was a child abuser. She had no right to have a melodic voice, soft looking hair, and wide brown eyes. She didn't deserve to be beautiful, not when she'd almost killed her children over manners.

Finally, he answered her. "Yes." He growled. "Yes, Megan, if you don't get off my fucking property, you will be motherfucking shot!" Megan didn't even move, she just stared. Then, she smiled. She had the fucking nerve to smile at him. "Don't tell me you're still angry that I disciplined the boys with a firm hand." Duals and Psii looked at one another in confusion, but it soon became clear what she meant when GHB tensed and started shaking with anger and strain.

Meanwhile up at Gamzee's window, Karkat himself was shaking. Just by the brief conversation he knew that woman was Gamzee's mother and she done something horrible to him. He wanted to kill her, watch her slowly die just for laying one malicious hand on Gamzee. Mituna had joined him long ago and was shaking as well, very close to breaking down and sobbing. Both of them wanted Megan gone, off the property just so they wouldn't have to ever see the stoic, uncaring and emotionless looks on their lovers' faces ever again. She was part of both Kurloz and Gamzee's problems and she needed to go away and leave them alone!

A loud bark from the back of the house startled everyone. "What was that?" Megan asked, looking scared. She looked up to the roof as she heard laughter. there on the roof she saw here sons for the first time in nineteen years. Both had wild black hair, face paint and dark clothes and piercings... But we're they laughing? She soon found out when Kurloz's dog, C.V. barked at her from only five feet away. C.V.'s already wild fur stuck up as he growled at her. A hiss from behind her made her jump and whirl around. Faygo had wandered outside for a stroll when he'd seen GHB's anger at the woman.

Megan slowly backed up towards her car, terrified of the large animals threatening her. "This isn't over, Grant." she warned, glowering at GHB. "Just you wait." She managed to make it into her car just as Faygo lunged at her, and she sped off.

Karkat felt the weight on his chest leave as he watched her car fade into the distance. It was times like these where he was glad for defensive pets, and thankfully, Faygo was the cat Gamzee wanted most. Pins and Imp weren't as much of a requirement in Gamzee's book as Sopor and Faygo, but he loved all his cats so he wanted them with him. Luckily, only Faygo used the outdoors as his bathroom.

When Gamzee and Kurloz went back inside, they both were greeted with hugs from their respective boyfriends. "Fucking hell, Gamzee I thought I was gonna have an anxiety attack with you out there!"

"Kurloz, next time thomething like tttthhhhith happenth, don't go on the fucking r-r-roof and no t-t-tell me where the fuck ith going on!"

The brothers sighed and happily hugged their partners, gladly accepting the lecturing from both, though Mituna's lecture fell on deaf ears seeing as he ended up rambling about bees or some shit but still acting like he was yelling at Kurloz.


	12. Roses on His Skin

**(Author Note: I know not all anxiety attacks present the way Karkat's is here, but I am basing his off of my own, which is indeed as it is described, only slightly exaggerated. Also, please let me know what you think my description of Gamzee's turns ons and his thoughts on male masturbation.)**

Karkat quickly learned that Gamzee's cats were not as easy to care for as they seemed. Faygo ate quite a bit, Imp, being old, had trouble getting to the litter box on time, Sopor was an early riser and like to wake them by howling, and Pins liked tearing shit apart. Luckily, Gamzee seemed to be able to handle it all. Faygo often got snacks through out the day leaving him less hungry at dinner time, Imp now had pee pads in all the places he often had accidents, Sopor was given cat nip in the mornings to shut him up, and Pins had his own personal scratching post that he defended with his flabby ass.

Karkat sat peacefully on the couch with Sopor purring away in his lap and watching 50 First Dates... Again... For the millionth time. He couldn't help it. He loved that movie more than Imp liked lollipops. The Cancer had soon found out that Imp had a thing for seeing what people had in their hands and one day Gamzee had had a lollipop and Imp wanted to see. Upon realizing what his owner held, Imp went to town licking the impaled, sugary sphere. Karkat couldn't figure out why that had freaked him out, but it did. Sopor was Karkat's favorite of all the cats though. Tiny and angry just like him.

Gamzee was working late again that night, having switched from the day shifts to night shifts because the night shift payed more "under the table", as Gamzee said. Apparently, under the table meant tips, and the night life folks at the bar the juggalo worked at loved him. Gamzee was the life of that place at night. Always making jokes, sometimes singing along with the music aloud, playing darts with the dart players on his breaks, and even playing around of pool before he went home. Because he was so well liked, he often made nearly three hundred bucks a night for the four days he worked a week, often adding up to about 1,200 bucks a week. A majority of that money was put towards bills, rent, cat supplies, and food and the rest was put into their shared bank account.

Karkat had initially fought the idea of a joint account, mainly because he was still worried they'd break up, but he'd eventually agreed to it. Yeah, eight months into their relationship, their very stable and loving relationship, he was still worried that Gamzee would dump him, despite the fact that Gamzee told him that he'd unknowingly helped the dumb juggalo out of a pit of depression. Sure, Gamzee had managed to lock his personal demons up (he couldn't vanquish them unless he wanted to be a vegetable), but Karkat was still working on his. He was more okay with his freckles, height, and his anger, but he still hated the rest of him. He hated his fat thighs, his squishy stomach... He hated his huge ass that should only ever been seen on a motherly, older black woman. Yeah, he went there. He went there and stayed.

Most of all, he hated his scars. The straight, thin scars crisscrossing his thighs, ribs, and upper arms were nasty. The burn marks on his legs and arms from cigarettes were abhorrent and gross looking.

Oh look at that... He was thinking about it.

Karkat clung gently to Sopor as he shook, tears filling his eyes as anxiety and self loathing creeping up in his mind. Sopor mewled softly and head butted his human friend's chin, trying to comfort him as best he could without being annoying. Faygo, who'd been laying off in the corner, took note of the Cancer's distress and hurried over. Normally, he'd be uninterested in whatever emotions a human was feeling, but as it were, this particular human was very near and dear to his owner, who he cared about a lot. Faygo hopped up onto the couch and sat down, head on Karkat's shoulder. Gamzee had often had fits like this so Faygo was familiar with what he could do to potentially help. Unfortunately, it seemed nothing would soothe the sobbing young man. Karkat's whole frame shook as he sobbed loudly into Sopor's soft fur.

God damn it! He hated his anxiety attacks! Trembling, gross sobbing, and strangled breathing were not things he liked at all and he was sure Sopor hated the feel of tears on his fur. He looked up and tried to watch his movie to distract him, but it wasn't helping. Hugging the cats weren't helping, watching the movie wasn't helping, hell, he was pretty damn sure the only thing that would help was the Ativan Gamzee kept in the bathroom. But, fuck it all, his god damned legs refused to move from their curled up position. Oh great, hyperventilation. Great. No, it was fine. Just perfect. Fucking peachy as all hell. So, recap. He had thoughts of self hate, he hyperventilating during an anxiety attack, and he could not move his god damned body to save his life. Perfect.

Oh, yeah, and his boyfriend wouldn't be home for another hour.

After a few minuets, he managed to set Sopor down and get up from the couch and start stumbling towards the bathroom. The shaking persisted, tears still flowed, it was still hard to breathe. The world spun around him as he tried to walk down the hall. Anxiety attacks always did this to him. Left him on legs of jello and a strong dizziness that refused to go away. He had to practically hug the wall to keep upright long enough to get to the bathroom, which still seemed far away. It was like one of those dreams where you were running down a hall way from something, trying to get to the door at the end of the hall, but the hallway kept getting longer and longer.

Once he finally made it to the bathroom, he began to frantically search for the Ativan, the little tablets Gamzee had that reduced the feeling of anxiety. It should have been in the medicine cabinet, but it wasn't. As if he wasn't miserable enough, the not being able to find the medication spurred on a whole new wave of anxiety as he sunk to the floor, sobs violently wracking his body as he curled up in a ball, his nails digging painfully into his arms as he trembled on the cold tile floor of the bathroom.

Meanwhile, out in the living room, Gamzee had managed to get off work earlier with the intent of surprising his boyfriend with a cupcake, but Karkat wasn't in the living room like he normally was. Gamzee paused the movie his boyfriend had left on. He quickly noticed the movie was 50 First Dates and grew instantly concerned. If that was playing and Karkat wasn't in the room, that meant something was horribly wrong. Karkat always paused that movie if he had to get up and got to another room, even if it was just the kitchen, which still allowed him to see the TV. The movie should have been paused and Sopor shouldn't have been meowing up a god damn storm while sitting on a very confused Faygo. Gamzee picked up the stubby legged cat and held him like a baby, instantly shutting him 'd never known why being held like that calmed Sopor, but for some reason it did. "Okay Faygo, where's Karkat?" Faygo hopped off the couch and trotted(or what he called trotting) to the bathroom and sat outside the door, looking patiently up at his owner. Gamzee followed then set Sopor down. "Bathroom huh?"

He knocked on the bathroom door briefly before entering, and quickly stopped, a sigh escaping his parted lips. Karkat had had an anxiety attack while he was at work and appeared to still be in the middle of it. Gamzee was, as everyone knew, completely and utterly absent minded, so when he saw the messy medicine cabinet, he felt a weight drop into the pit of his stomach. He had taken the Ativan to work that night because he'd been having to take frequent breaks and hide in the bathroom or on the bar's patio to calm down from his own mini anxiety attacks. Fucking great. The night Karkat needed them, he was a shitty boyfriend and took the whole fucking bottle. Pulling the bottle out of his pocket, he sat down on the floor and gently pulled the shaking Karkat into his lap. At first, the smaller man tensed, but he quickly relaxed when he recognized the strong arms around him and the familiar smell of alcohol and bar smoke mixed with Faygo.

Gamzee took one of the small Ativan tablets out of the bottle and pressed it to his lover's lips. He didn't have to tell Karkat what it was for him to take it, they'd done this enough times. Over the course of their eight month relationship, Karkat had had a total of seven or eight anxiety attacks, and unfortunately, they were all from the same thing. His immense self hate. Gamzee needed to do something about it before Karkat decided to go back to cutting and drinking. He'd learned shortly after Karkat moved in that the little guy had turned to drinking in high school to clam his anxiety, which was why he tried to avoid it now. "Karkat..." Gamzee said softly standing and lifting his lover with him. "I'm gonna do my best, right now, to make you see you're beautiful."

Karkat looked up at the clown curiously, his body finally deciding to relax as the Ativan took affect. "What the fuck are you talking about, clown shit?" His voice didn't hold it's usual annoyed venom, but that was to be expected considering what he'd just dealt with. After making sure all the cats were in the living room (by kicking the bed and dresser to scare Pins and Imp off.), Gamzee set Karkat on the bed and climbed on top of him. Karkat whined a little, reaching up to play with Gamzee's hair. "Gamzee," he murmured. "I don't think sex is gonna help me like myself."

"The sex won't, but the motherfucking foreplay sure as hell will."

"I doubt it."

"Fine. Then you'll just have to watch me up and pleasure myself to the thought of you."

Karkat blushed brightly as he watched stand then Gamzee slip out of his work clothes. Was Gamzee really going to masturbate for him just to try and prove a point? The taller man wasn't by any means aroused, that much was clear when he was fully naked, but he still smiled at Karkat and put his hands on his hips. Gamzee's hips weren't wide by any means but they certainly gave him a bit of an hour glass figure, something not common for men, but it was a cute figure none the less. "Where and how do you want me, brother?" Karkat blushed more, if that was possible, as he shyly pointed to the foot of the bed, sitting up against the head board himself. Gamzee knelt on the foot of the bed, legs spread and smiled reassuringly at his boyfriend. "Don't you be getting your worry on, babe." he said. "Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the show."

Karkat watched, almost eagerly, as Gamzee began to tease himself. As fantasies of Karkat flooded his mind, Gamzee traced his hands over his chest, briefly rubbing each of his nipples, then slid them down over his sides and over his hips, imagining what it might feel like if it was Karkat touching him. The muscles in his stomach tensed briefly as the light contact cause his nerves to react. Gamzee traced his hands back up his body, breathing deeply as he leaned his head back and dug his nails lightly into the soft flesh. Most wouldn't have guessed it, let alone believed it, but Gamzee was someone who was turned on by slow, gentle, loving touches, the kind one would receive in a love making session with their significant other. He adored the feeling of being touched gently, like he was something precious. It was very different from how many of his other partners had touched him. They'd all groped and grabbed him, dying to hold him in some way. Now, that aroused him too, god did rough groping turn him on, but soft touches, someone actually running their hands over his body like he was a priceless artifact being inspected for recent damage... Oh Messiahs above he swore he could come just from that.

He hadn't been introduced to gentle touching until Tavros, who was a lot more fragile than say Equius or Kurloz.

Gamzee let out a breathy whine as he began to get aroused just from rubbing his inner thighs. Karkat watched in awe as Gamzee's cock started to harden. He'd never actually watched someone get aroused before and he had to admit, albeit shamefully, that it was turning him on. Gamzee began to moan softly, occasionally whining in need as he continued to tease himself. He purposefully neglected his cock, which by now was fully erect, not wanting to come as soon as he knew he would. For some reason, jerking off made him orgasm quite quickly so when he masturbated, which was rarely, he took it slow and never gave his cock any attention, wanting to be extremely intimate with himself. He'd never met any other men who knew to take it slow during masturbation, in fact, he'd actually had to teach all his male partners how to slow down and actually enjoy masturbating, and without outside distractions like porn.

Obviously, the Capricorn wasn't against porn, in fact he loved to watch or read it! Hell, he'd once considered going into the porn industry! He just didn't like masturbating to it. He preferred his fantasies and imagery over the sounds of guys moaning excessively while they were fucked. He supposed that could be attributed to the fact that he was yes, gay, but also demisexual, meaning he didn't experience sexual attraction until a strong emotional bond was formed.

Gamzee leaned down on one arm and reached behind him with the other, slipping two fingers into himself. He moaned softly and panted lightly as he moved his fingers inside himself. "Mmm, K-Karkat~..." Karkat blushed and stared with wide eyes at his boyfriend, who's moans and whines grew more desperate by the minuet, but still remaining quiet. Gamzee was legitimately thinking about him while he masturbated and holy hell, it was probably the hottest thing he'd ever seen. "G-Gamzee..." he called softly, not really wanting his lover to stop. "C-can you actually let me... Yanno..." Good god, he was so awkward when asking for sexual stuff, especially when he was asking to fuck his partner. The juggalo pulled his fingers out of himself and moved towards Karkat. "Only if you let me worship you." Karkat's blush darkened and he was about to laugh it off when he saw the seriousness in Gamzee's indigo eyes. This clown was going to be the end of him, he swore it. He nodded slowly and began to remove his clothes, trying to ignore the lustful, half lidded stare of the clown. Gamzee's eyes were always somehow more... Piercing when he was aroused and wanting. The normal bright indigo seemed brighter, almost looking like they were glass.

Once his clothes were off, Karkat settled back onto the bed and Gamzee was on him in a second, much like flies to a corpse. Nasty and unarousing analogy, but he'd always hated the whole "bees to honey" bullshit seeing as bees didn't actually flock to honey, they flocked to flowers. Bees and flowers aside, the touches Gamzee was placing on his body were nice.

Gamzee's hands drifted lazily over his lover's skin, stopping every now and again to draw invisible flowers over his self harm scars. Each time Gamzee's fingers brushed the scars, Karkat would jump and hiss softly. He knew what Gamzee was doing. He knew Gamzee was purposefully going over those scars, looking at them and almost admiring them. When he was done tracing flowers on the scars, the Capricorn went back over them with kisses. Gentle kisses for the faint scars, ones that hadn't been deep cuts, and harder kisses for the raised or dark scars, the ones filled with the most agony. The harder kisses for the deeper wounds was Gamzee putting all his love, all his healing intent, into them, trying to ease the pain they caused his lover. The scars had been made over many years, that much was clear, but most were on Karkat's thighs, hips, and sides. "You hate these parts of you most." he whispered, running his fingers over the blending scars. "Don't you?" Karkat swallowed harshly and nodded lightly, feeling himself close to tears. Gamzee was being so gentle and sweet, more so than he had been their first time. It was almost enough to make him cry.

Gamzee traced flowers once more over the scars on Karkat's lower half, trying to see why Karkat hated those parts of his body in particular. They were so beautiful even with the scars. Much of the scar tissue in those areas obscured the freckles that should have resided there and they all blended together from how many times Karkat had cut himself. He felt tears welling his eyes just looking at all the scars. His little miracle had been in such a dark place before he'd moved in. Such a dark place, it took a schizophrenic clown with a candle and no matches to help him get out, even if it was only part of the way. The clown had managed to get all the way out of the dark, but he didn't leave the crab with nothing. He left the candle, and right now it seemed the only thing that kept that candle burning was the thought of the clown waiting for him in the light, ready to embrace him.

Gamzee leaned down and started kissing Karkat's thighs, imagining roses made of ink covering them. Yes, red, pink, purple, gold, and black roses... That's what should have been there, not the scars. With his hands, his artistic talent, Gamzee swore right then to create the most beautiful arrangement of roses to place on Karkat's thighs and hips, roses with deadly looking thorns. What better way to not only cover the scars Karkat hated to look at, but to help show him who he was. Like a rose. Beautiful but painful to pick without the right tools. Roses were the perfect representation of Karkat.

His hands slid up Karkat's body, still imagining the roses that would potentially litter the smaller's skin, until he could pull himself up enough to straddle him. Karkat gazed up at his boyfriend and gasped quietly. Gamzee was silently crying as he ran his fingers over Karkat's smooth chest, admiring how the light muscle felt under his finger tips. "Karkat," he whispered. A whisper so quiet, Karkat was unsure if he'd even heard anything. "Let me show you just how motherfucking beautiful you are..." He lifted himself up and reached back to gently grab the Cancer's erection. "Let me liberate you from all them unmiraculous thoughts of hate. " He gasped as he pushed Karkat's cock into himself, sinking down on it until his ass was flush with Karkat's hips.

Karkat covered his mouth, tears welling in his own eyes. Gamzee was dead fucking serious about this. The idiotic clown who could barely keep a single train of thought going for two minuets was dead set on making him think he was attractive and wanted. He moaned softly as Gamzee began to move slowly and up and down. He'd never expected to ever get the chance to be the one inside Gamzee simply because of their height difference, but here he was laying on the bed while Gamzee slowly rode him. Gamzee moaned lowly and leaned his head back, eyes closed as he tried to focus fully on the pleasure of having the one he loved inside him. It had been so long since he'd been what his ex's often referred to as "the bottom", but damn did it feel amazing, especially at this slow pace.

Much like their first time together, the only sounds filling the bedroom were moans, occasional grunts, and soft panting. It wasn't long before Gamzee felt his body begin to heat up significantly, alerting him to his up coming orgasm. He cursed under his breath as he started to lightly bounce, his moans turning to gaps and cut off whines, and his nails dug into Karkat's chest. He didn't want to come so soon, not when he was just-. Oh...

OH.

Karkat had bucked his hips and come inside him, drawing a small shout from him as he reached his own climax. The two sat there for a good minuet as they came down from their highs before Gamzee got off of his lover and lied down next to him. Karkat turned to look at Gamzee, who still had tears in his eyes, and smiled. "I... I think I'm... I'm starting to like myself already." Gamzee instantly wrapped him up in a hug and honked happily. "Good, motherfucker." he said softly. "Real motherfucking good."

* * *

On the other side of town, far from Karkat and Gamzee, sirens rang out, polluting the air with loud noise and they cars the sounds came from gave off annoying lights that were likely giving anyone with epilepsy within a five mile radius a seizure. Two cars were in the center of the circle of cop cars, firetrucks, and ambulances. One of the cars was a yellow Volkswagen beetle with a black stripe down the middle and red and blue bumper stickers all over the back. The other car was a white Toyota truck. From the bug car, two young men were pulled from it, the older one was knocked out with a severe head injury and the younger, who looked to be the older's little brother, was awake and cursing at the other car's driver, who was a woman with long brown hair and she wore a long, white dress.


	13. Of Heartache and Misery

A text at one in the morning from a police officer was not what Kurloz had wanted in the slightest, especially when it concerned Mituna and Sollux being a car accident. He'd rushed to the hospital as quickly as he could, hating that he'd been there twice within only a few months, the first time being for Gamzee and Karkat. Presently, he sat in the hospital waiting room, wearing nothing but his purple shorts and his skeleton hoodie and a pair of black shoes, his hair far messier than normal, waiting on someone to come tell him Mituna was going to be okay. The thought of his lover being anything but okay made his stomach turn and his skin crawl and what remained of his tongue felt like it still had the rest of the appendage, but he knew that wasn't the case. He'd put the bitten off tongue into the garbage disposal in the sink of his childhood home and ground it up. He groaned as he felt his head start to throb. Purple, pink, and indigo fog clouded his mind and vision until he couldn't see. They were at it again. His ChuckleVoodoos, as he'd so named his brain's prying voices. The voices had been the first thing he'd named ChuckleVoodoos and ever since it stuck. His dog had the name, the comic book he and Gamzee made together had the name, even Gamzee's own voices were called that when being referenced together.

The only difference between Gamzee's voices and his own was that Gamzee's voices were extensions of the self. Comedy and Tragedy, anger and calm. Gamzee's voices rarely over whelmed him. Kurloz's voices however, were not extensions like his brother's. The voices Kurloz heard were other people. Cronus's voice sat in the back, occasionally taunting him, his father's voice screamed at him, Gamzee's voice wobbled and wavered like he was crying as it accused him of wrong doings, Meulin's voice blamed him for her deafness, Mituna's voice blamed him for the accident that caused the brain damage, Kankri's voice lectured him and insulted him, Sollux's voice-. Wait... Sollux?!

Kurloz's vision snapped clear as day as he stared straight into Sollux worried, mismatched eyes. Sollux had been shaking the mute, begging him to snap out of whatever funk he was in. The Captor sighed when he saw Kurloz snap out of it and look right at him. "Thank fucking god." Sollux muttered, hanging his head and sighing shakily. Kurloz was known for being notoriously hard to snap out of his episodes of guilt and depression. The Gemini took a seat next to his brother-in-law and held his head in his hands, trying to force back any tears that threatened to fall passed his eyelids. He'd been in the car with Mituna when the crash happened, and cursed himself for being not able to reach over, force Mituna's foot onto the brake peddle, and then grab the wheel himself and move out of the way. He could have done it, but he'd just... Shut down and gotten angry. Just like every single time something shitty happened. Gamzee had an anxiety attack at a wedding, he got mad and shut down like his friend. Karkat tried to kill himself five times in high school, he got pissed to the point of tears and yelled at the Cancer instead of offering comfort. He hated how he treated bad situations, especially when they involved people he cared about.

Sollux didn't even notice he was crying until he felt himself being pulled into Kurloz's lap. He let out a loud sob and cried into the older man's chest while he was rocked and had his back rubbed. Kurloz, while creepy, irritating, and flat out perverted at times, was very comforting to be near in times of upset. He remembered Gamzee telling him once about how Kurloz would ditch a date or an important after school thing just to go home and comfort the younger Makara during schizophrenic fits. It was a good thing Kurloz knew how to deal with hysteric people because Sollux felt like if he didn't get news on his brother's condition soon that he was going to fucking lose his shit. Mituna was something he couldn't lose, he loved the older Captor far too much and if Mituna died, not only would he be lost, but their father would likely never smile, laugh, or even talk again and Kurloz would likely kill himself, resulting in a hysteric GHB and Gamzee, then Karkat would have to deal with a delusional Gamzee... So many people would affected just by Mituna dying that it was almost insane to think about.

A doctor in surgery scrubs approached them, but neither of them noticed until she cleared her throat. "Mr. Captor? Mr. Makara?" Sollux quickly pulled away from Kurloz and stood up, followed by his brother-in-law. "Ith Mituna okay?!" he asked, feeling another wave of tears ready to over whelm him. Relief flooded both men when the doctor nodded. "He'll be fine." she said, a soft smile on her face. "The air bags gave him minor burns, a broken arm, and his lung got punctured, but that's fixed now. He'll need about a month total for recovery and he'll need to take a break from work." Kurloz nodded and pulled out a note pad and pen and quickly scribbled a message before showing it to the doctor. She read the note and her smile grew as she nodded. "I'll take you to see him right now."

In his room, Mituna lay fully awake on the bed, glaring at the ceiling, thoroughly pissed. Before he'd passed out from lack of oxygen, he saw who'd caused him to crash. The woman driving the pick up truck he'd crashed into was none other than Kurloz's mother, Megan. She'd caused that crash on purpose, he knew that because she'd gotten out of the truck and grinned at him, like she knew exactly who she was affecting by hurting him. If what she'd done to Kurloz wasn't enough (Kurloz had told him after she'd left the Makara property), but she'd put Sollux's life in danger just to get under her older son's skin and that made his blood boil. Mituna didn't hate people, not even if they were mean to him, but if someone put Sollux into a dangerous situation, you could be sure you would have a violent brain damaged Captor chasing your ass with a hatchet and some flammables.

When the door to his room was slid open he looked away from the ceiling only to get a face full of yellow as his brother hugged him. "Oh god, Mituna I wath tho worried!" Mituna used his good arm to pat Sollux gently on the back, quietly shooshing him. When the younger Captor pulled away and stepped back, he felt familiar lips press to his and it made him smile as he kissed Kurloz back. The kiss was full of concern and relief, but a faint pressure let him know Kurloz was also angry. Because Kurloz couldn't talk, Mituna had had to learn how to read his lover like a book. A book filled with old English words and Latin phrases. The mime's kisses were the best way to tell what he was feeling at the moment seeing as Kurloz was good at hiding what he felt, especially when he had that face paint on.

Kurloz pulled back and sat on the foot of the bed while Sollux sat in the chair next to it. "Tho, Tuna... Wanna tell KZ what happened?" Sollux leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, looking at his brother with an annoyed look. "Oh, and altho me? Becauthe I wanna know why the fuck you did what you did." Mituna sighed and looked at his lap. Sometimes he hated it when his brother treated him like he wasn't brain damaged. Sure, he hated it when people did treat him like he was brain damaged, but he'd rather that in serious situations like his present one than actually having people remember he could still think things through. He sighed and looked back up to the ceiling as his aggressively chewed his bottom lip. He felt Kurloz move on the bed then he felt the mime's head in his lap, instantly calming him down. He sighed again and started telling the story, mostly talking to Kurloz the whole time and trying to ignore Sollux's existence.

"We were driving up Lexington Avenue at about ten pm." he said, playing idly with his fiancee's hair. "We were leaving our dad'th apartment and I wath taking Thollux back to Eridan'th. I wath going about fourty mileth an hour when your mom, who'd been following uth, drove pasthed me and pulled up in front of me, her truck going acrosth the road." Mituna felt Kurloz tense at the mention of his mother. "I only had time to break and turn the car to the thide tho that Thollux didn't get hurt ath bad ath me. Your mom got out of the truck and... And sthe... Sthe _grinned_ at me... Like sthe knew wxactly what sthe wath doing by making me wreck." Mituna jumped as Kurloz stood up and walked to the large window on the other side of the room, shaking.

Kurloz was trying so hard to keep himself in check, keep his anger down, but knowing what his mother had done to his fiancee was driving him to try and do something violent. With shaky hands and rapid breath he quickly left the room and went outside. He needed air... And his little brother.

* * *

Gamzee groaned as he felt around the floor for his ringing phone, only half awake. Karkat had buried his head under a pillow, trying to block out the violin music sounding from his boyfriend's phone. Finally, Gamzee found the obnoxious device and answered. "Motherfucker, you better have a damn good reason for callin me up at two in the mornin'."

"H-Hehp ee, Gahzee."

Gamzee bolted up at hearing his brother's broken speech. Whenever Kurloz spoke he couldn't form many sounds seeing as that required a tongue, which he lacked. The only time Kurloz spoke on the phone was when he was too angry and shaky to text properly. "Where are you, bro?" he asked, quickly pulling on some sweat pants and a t-shirt. "Mihehn hopial." Kurloz responded, voice shaking a lot more than just seconds prior. "Ma, mae Mi'uah wrech." Gamzee froze briefly, worry and anger building up in his gut. Their mother made Mituna wreck? "I'll be there in twenty."

"Mahe eh ehm."

"Ten?"

"Yeh."

"Okay... Stay on the line with me, okay?"

"Mmhm."

Gamzee plugged his headphones with a mic into the phone and tucked it into his pocket before pulling his shoes on. While he quickly gathered his things, Karkat was getting dressed behind him. Unfortunately for Karkat, his boyfriend noticed. "Oh no Karkat." the clown scolded, gently making Karkat sit on the bed. "Stay. I'll be back later." Karkat watched helplessly as Gamzee left the room, then the apartment. He sighed and stared at his hands, feeling useless. In ways, he supposed it was better if he stayed at home. It wouldn't risk another attack especially since he was so tired, and he wasn't sure how he could help Kurloz. At the same time, however, it had been Mituna who'd gotten in the crash so Sollux was likely at the hospital as well and freaking out while Psii likely sat off to the side, looking utterly dead inside as he feared the worst for his older son.

But Karkat didn't want to piss off Gamzee by showing up at the hospital either. He sighed and pulled his shoes on then grabbed his phone and keys. He needed Kankri. The Cancer texted Gamzee saying he'd be at his brother's for the rest of the night, to which Gamzee agreed, feeling it in his lover's best interest.

* * *

Kankri groggily shuffled towards the front door of his house, rubbing one eye and wondering who in the world would be knocking on his door at nearly three am. When he opened the door and sleepily looked out, he was greeted by the sight of his little brother looking distressed. The mere thought of his brother being upset quickly snapped Kankri awake and he stepped aside, urging Karkat to come in. Karkat walked passed Kankri and headed right for the couch. "Karkat?" Kankri called quietly, not wanting to risk waking Cronus, who was very temperamental when woken before eight. The younger Vantas just waved and lied down on the couch, curling up on himself for warmth. Kankri huffed and walked over to the stubborn young man and gently shook him. "Kat, we have a spare bedroom you know. And if you don't want that I can easily bring you some blankets and pillows."

Karkat cringed lightly at being called 'Kat'. Only Kankri called him that and it was one the most god awful thing he'd ever had the displeasure of being called, right next to Sollux's infamous 'Kit-Kat' and Nepeta's 'Karkitty'. Why 'Kat' bothered him and 'Kar' didn't boggled his mind sometimes, making him wonder why the fuck his name had so many nicknames. He could list about fifteen off the top of his head, two being cat puns and three being crab puns, courtesy of Nepeta and Feferi respectfully. "I know." he finally replied. "Bring me some blankets and pillows, will you Kan?" He used the first half of Kankri's name just to get under the older's skin. Kankri hated 'Kan' just as much as Karkat hated 'Kat'.

Huffing at the nickname, Kankri nodded and went to the linen closet in the hall to get what his brother asked for. Cronus had often fussed over the linen closet, saying it was useless and pointless, but Kankri argued that it was good to have just in case. Cronus would usually then compare the smaller male to an old lady who hoarded linens, which resulted in another lecture. The blogger hummed softly as he gathered the blankets he had on hand just for his precious little brother. A red blanket with a crab pattern that had been their father's and a purple blanket with sea goats that at one point been GHB's but ended up in their father's possession and now his. He found it odd that he owned pretty much everything of their father's, but Karkat only had Signless's ring. He made a mental note to get Karkat more of their father's things.

Kankri wandered back out to the living room, finding Karkat sitting in front of the large aquarium Cronus had by the TV. It was a salt water tank filled with small ocean fish and some crabs and brightly colored plants resided in the tank as well. The older Vantas had to admit, it was quite a hypnotizing sight in the dimly lit room. He went to work making the couch a suitable sleeping place for his brother while humming a song. Barely a minuet into humming, he could hear Karkat humming along. It was a song sung by their father when they were going to bed and Kankri was actually quite surprised his brother still remembered the tune. When he found the couch suitable enough, Kankri cleared his throat, drawing the younger's attention. "Would you like something to eat or drink, Karkat?"

"Some hot chocolate would be nice."

Karkat had always had a soft spot for hot chocolate, ever since he learned what it was it had been his favorite drink in the whole world. He especially loved how Kankri made it. Kankri smiled and motioned for his younger brother to follow him to the kitchen, happy to make hot chocolate. In fact, he figured he'd make some for himself while he was at it. No better time than three am to have a chocolaty drink. "Sit on the counter and tell me what's going on." Kankri demanded gently. He wouldn't have called it a demand himself, but everyone else regarded his way of suggesting as ordering, so he just accepted it. Luckily, Karkat wasn't ever fazed by it and simply did as told by hopping right up onto the counter and kicking off his shoes and swinging his feet a little. While Kankri got out the milk and chocolate chips to make hot chocolate, Karkat sat quietly, trying to think of a way to tell Kankri the situation. "You're rubbing your thighs..." Karkat looked up at Kankri and furrowed his brow in confusion before realizing he was indeed rubbing his legs. "You only do that when you've been cutting." Kankri's expression may have appeared deadpan but Karkat new that inside, his older brother's heart was breaking.

He couldn't help but smile and blush as he recalled the night's earlier events. "A-actually I haven't." he replied, shifting a little and trying to suppress a giggle. "Gamzee and I had sex... Well, I actually wouldn't call it that... You'd say we "made love"." Kankri smiled. "Uhm and he..." Karkat bit his lip, smiling wider. "He practically worshiped my body. Kissed every scar on it, traced invisible flowers, and all the while making feel loved and when he rode me, I felt utterly happy... Because _I _was the one making him make those sound and making him feel good. I... I think I'm starting to like myself, Kankri." Kankri let out a squeal of joy as he pulled Karkat off the counter and into a tight hug, bouncing lightly on his toes. Karkat couldn't help but hug back and laugh while Kankri bounced excitedly. For nine years, Karkat hated himself and his body, feeling ugly, gross, and worthless, but now... Now he had someone to remind him every day that he was loved, that at least one person found him good enough, that someone wanted to spend time with him day in and day out.

"Vwhat's with all the squealin'?" The brothers looked over to a messy haired Cronus slouching against the kitchen wall, looking utterly exhausted. Kankri simply released Karkat and practically tackled his husband in excitement. Cronus yelped and feel over, pulling Kankri with him. Sometimes he disliked having a chubby husband. It meant he got over powered easily. Sexually and in normal everyday life. However, he couldn't help but smile as Kankri nuzzled his chest and giggled. "Karkat says he's starting to like himself!" Cronus sat up abruptly and beamed at Karkat. "Seriously?!" He'd known for quite sometime about his brother-in-law's self image issues and had felt bad for not being able to help. Sure, he knew what hating himself, especially in the looks department, was like but part of his self hate was in a different context. Karkat was chubby and thought his personality was shit, Cronus though... Cronus was missing his left leg from the mid thigh down. He'd had to get it amputated after a swim in the ocean with his brother and father. Eridan and Dualscar had gotten back onto the family boat while Cronus stayed. Unfortunately, a hungry great white had been swimming around and spotted Cronus.

Despite his tough guy, super confident facade, Cronus hated himself. He hated the fact that he had a prosthetic leg instead of a real one. He'd have fits of anger over it and often times, Kankri would have to call Dualscar to clam him down. Dualscar would always come through by showing up and holding his ornery son in his lap while rocking him until Cronus fell asleep from emotional exhaustion.

Cronus, after shoving the bubbly Kankri off of him, stood up and hugged Karkat, who only patted his brother-in-law's back. "I'm glad mini Makara is helping you out like this." he said, smiling. He was well aware Karkat only liked to hug Gamzee and Kankri, but he still hugged the little guy anyways. "So, Karkat, while I am glad that you are finally beginning to accept yourself, I'd still like to know why you arrived here so late." Cronus set the younger Vantas on the counter and leaned on the opposite counter, his false leg clacking against the cabinet. He was curious too. It wasn't like Karkat to just show up without some sort of notice or explanation. Karkat shifted a bit uncomfortably and crossed his legs. While Kankri stirred the hot chocolate mix, Karkat began to speak. "Well, about an hour ago Kurloz called Gamzee, actually talking and sounding on the verge of an episode." he explained, looking between the older men for a sign that they want to talk. They simply waited patiently for him to continue. "Well, apparently Mituna got into a car accident... Scratch that, car wreck, and Gamzee and Kurloz's mother was the cause, apparently intentionally and Kurloz is pissed I guess."

When he finished the room was silent, save for the light bubbling of the hot chocolate on the stove. Cronus was stewing quietly, pissed that someone would intentionally try to hurt someone like Mituna, and he thought about voicing his anger, but Kankri seemed to have that covered for the both of them. "That... That little... Bitch!" Kankri shouted, snapping the wooden spoon in his hand in half. "How dare she?! How fucking dare she try to hurt Mituna?! Or anyone for that matter?! Just because her sons and their father don't want anything to do with her psychotic ass gives her no fucking right to even attempt to hurt anyone they care about! " While Kankri ranted, Karkat hopped off the counter and got a new spoon to stir the hot chocolate while Cronus inched his way towards his angry husband. Yeah, Kankri was pissed. Not the kind of "you're refusing to tag your triggers" kind of pissed, but the "You hurt my family, I'm coming for your ass with a knife" kind of pissed.

The knife part wasn't a joke. Though he'd never admit it, Kankri had a fascination with knives. The way they cut into things, especially meat. It was a fetish the blogger very rarely indulged in, seeing as he was worried about hurting Cronus with it. Karkat didn't know why though. He knew Kankri was perfectly okay with indulging Cronus's vomit kink, which could do damage to the stomach and esophagus, but he was worried about accidentally cutting into Cronus's skin a little too deep? Fucking weird.

Kankri yelped and clung to Cronus when Karkat's phone started to blare Sollux's annoying ringtone, making the greaser laugh. Karkat rolled his eyes and answered the phone. "Hey, Sollux. You okay?"

"Heh, I got a broken nothe and a thprained ankle and thome nathty bruithing from the crash, but yeah, I'm okay."

In all his life, Karkat never thought he'd ever be happy to hear his best friend's annoying lisp, but there he was, sighing with relief in Kankri's kitchen as Sollux spoke to him through the speaker. " GZ showed up about thirty minuetth ago an-...What? Oh! He wantth to know if you're doing alright."

"Tell him I'm alright and that Kankri's letting me stay the night at his place."

While Karkat wandered to the living room to talk to his buzzing friend, Kankri took over finishing up the hot chocolate. It felt good to know his little brother had close friends to talk to in times like these. It felt like it made up for what he couldn't have given his brother. He was thirteen when their father was taken from them and Karkat had been only ten. Kankri'd had plenty of distractions from the pain of his father's death whether it was blogging, hanging out with the Makaras or the Amporas, or even just focusing on his own self hate. He had his fair share of self harm scars, most made when he was sixteen and just discovering he wasn't as asexual and aromantic as he'd originally thought, and had liked to think. When that started, it was the same time he'd gotten back to school from summer vacation and found out about his feelings for Cronus after seeing a transformation. A big one. Cronus, before sophomore year, had been a skinny kid about Kankri's height with thick rimmed glasses, messy purple hair, and braces and was obsessed with ancient mythology. That was the kid Kankri was expecting when he looked around the cafeteria for Cronus on the first day.

When he'd wandered over to his table that day, he'd seen someone he didn't recognize. Tall, muscular but not quite like Horuss, dark hair that was slicked back, tight clothes and a leather jacket making him look like he came right out of Grease, and perfect teeth. Just when he was about to ask who it was, the guy spoke, making Kankri realize that the "stranger" was in fact Cronus, only he'd hit puberty. The rest of that day had been spent in silent agony as Kankri tried to figure out the feelings raging inside him.

At home, he'd come to the conclusion that he in fact had a romantic and sexual attraction to the guy he'd called his best friend. The guy who was nerdy and shy just a year prior had become the man of Kankri's dreams. Tall, sexy, and charming, and sweet. And he'd hated it before. He'd cut up his arms and tired three times to mutilate his genitals. Of course the three times he'd tried to destroy his penis, Karkat had caught him and screamed at him for it. The third time, Karkat had started to cry and demanded to know why his precious big brother was trying to mutilate himself. Kankri had reluctantly explained the situation, expecting Karkat to yell at him. Instead, the younger Vantas had simply smiled and hugged his brother, explaining that it wasn't weird for him to have suddenly developed the feelings he had. Karkat had always been good with romance stuff.

Six years later, Kankri was standing barefoot in his kitchen in pajamas, while his husband Cronus hugged him from behind, swaying lightly on his feet while he poured hot chocolate into three mugs. "I lovwe you, babe." Kankri smiled as Cronus whispered those words into his ear. It was always good o hear that the person he'd suffered over (of his own accord) loved him and had married him. "I love you too." Kankri put the mugs on a tray along with a plate of Karkat's favorite cookies and walked out to the living room, Cronus trailing behind. Karkat was still on the phone, when they got to the living room, but he seemed more cheerful. Karkat glanced up at his brother briefly before speaking again. "Hey, Gamzee, I gotta go... Yeah I'll be at Kankri's the rest of the night... You take Kurloz home and stay with him tonight... Okay... Yeah I love you too. Bye." He set his phone on the coffee table and scooted closer to his brother and grabbed the grey cup and three cookies. "Thanks, Kankri."

"You are quite welcome, young brother."

Karkat smiled as he nibbled on a cookie, content to watch Kankri and Cronus talk. They were talking about children, possibly having their own. Kankri liked the idea of adopting a toddler but Cronus liked the idea of having a surrogate mother or adopting a newborn. The conversation made Karkat smile. It was good to see Kankri so open and happy for once in his life. He remembered that after they'd been adopted, Kankri wasn't happy. In fact, the older Vantas had started to smoke pot with Meulin and Kurloz when he'd go over there to hide from their adoptive parents. Kankri had been in a bad place at that time that he was positive he had it worse than his brother, then he saw Karkat disappearing for days on end into his room and he'd sometimes find blood in the kitchen or bathroom. Karkat had had it worse by far. But now he was slowly getting better. Everyday, Karkat was making new strides to better himself. Whether it was for him or for Gamzee no one was really sure, even he didn't know.

He wasn't out of the dark yet though. His shackles were broken and he had a juggalo's candle and now he had a weapon. He'd beaten back Death, who'd wanted the Cancer to slip into his cool embrace, and now he wielded Death's own sickle as his weapon to fight back the demons that threatened to annihilate him. H knew he'd make it out of the dark, he knew he'd make it to his clown who would laugh with him and hold him tight. It was going to take time, this he knew, but he also knew it'd be worth it.


	14. Cold

Kurloz was so precious to him, his first love one could almost say. Kurloz was there holding him and rocking him to sleep when he had an episode. Kurloz was the one to read him bed time stories when their father couldn't. Kurloz was the one who'd pick him up from school when he had a panic or anxiety attack. Kurloz was the one constant in his life, always there and never leaving him even when he was irrational, confused, and screaming. The older Makara had defended him so many times he'd lost count. Someone was making fun of him, Kurloz creeped them out and made them stop. Someone was physically abusing Gamzee, Kurloz beat the ever living shit out of them. In fact, there were three occasions of Kurloz nearly going to jail because he'd been caught beating up the one who was hurting his baby brother. Sure, their relationship of guard each other with their lives and having sex with one another when they needed it may have been deemed unhealthy or even grotesque, but they were happy with it because they loved each other.

Gamzee lay naked in bed next to his sleeping brother at about four am on the same day Mituna got in the car wreck, just watching the Kurloz's face as he rested peacefully against the pillows, the older's naked body on display. Kurloz and Mituna's bed was tucked into a corner thus allowing the corner to be filled with comfy pillows. Before he's brought Kurloz home, Gamzee had stopped by his own apartment to make sure the cats were fed, watered and had full access to the litter box and scratching posts. The bedroom in Kurloz and Mituna's apartment was very much like the one Kurloz had back at his father's house and it made Gamzee feel at ease. Purple Christmas lights hung around the bed along with the multiple shawls Kurloz hung on the walls around the bed. The shawls were thin, and covered in sequins and all of them ranged from blacks and purples to brights rainbows. Black lace was hung from every corner of the room, almost like the room had it's own lingerie. Kurloz's paintings were on the walls as well. By no means were they happy pictures. The paintings were dark and eerie, very accurately displaying the visions the older Makara saw. They weren't visions of the supposed future or anything, they were just things he saw when decided to paint. Mituna had once said Kurloz stopped responding to anything when he painted and his indigo eyes seemed to flash pink and violet.

The only things that made the room less Kurloz was the computer in the corner, the many doodles Mituna hung, the pile of dirty laundry by the door, and the many bee plushies scattered about the room. But all in all, the room felt very much like Kurloz, it even smelled like him. Lavender, greasepaint, and marijuana. Kurloz did take medication for his mental illness, but that didn't mean the mime didn't like getting high. Kurloz loved the feeling of being so stoned he couldn't move. Gamzee used to smoke pot with his brother before Kurloz moved out. After that, he just kinda quit. It wasn't like he didn't enjoy the high it was just that he understood the cost of the drug and preferred to not spend the money he was saving on it. GHB had been so proud of him for that, he'd bought a cake for them to share. That was something Gamzee adored about his father. GHB always came across as this big, vicious, and utterly terrifying man when in reality he was just a big, goofy teddy bear. GHB was that kind of father that would murder someone for hurting his kids, then bake his sons cookies afterwards and cuddle them while watching a horror movie.

Gamzee blinked out of his thoughts when he felt a pair of lips on his. He smiled lightly and gladly kissed his brother back. "Hey 'Loz." he said softly in between chaste kisses. It was indeed an odd and almost gross relationship they had, but incestuous relations with each other was one of the only things they knew helped each other. They'd only once gone further than making out, and that was when Gamzee was 16, the first time they'd slept together. The reason behind the sudden sex was that Gamzee had realized he was gay, also long before he even realized he was also demisexual. Gamzee had gone home crying that day and Kurloz had been on the couch with Meulin, talking to her via sign language. When Kurloz had noticed Gamzee crying, he literally told Meulin to fuck off and he took Gamzee upstairs to the older's room. In short, a trial make out session lead to Gamzee losing his virginity. Kurloz had thought that when Gamzee realized what had happened he'd hate him, but the little clown proved him wrong. Gamzee had taken to loving bare skinned physical contact with his brother, though they never went passed making out again. They'd agreed it'd be best for them to not have sex with each other, for they knew it would make some situations very complicated and awkward.

Kurloz pulled away from the kiss and sighed, making Gamzee smiled sadly. "Nothing like kissing your little bee, am I right?" he asked, rubbing his brother's cheek. Kurloz nodded and sat up. /Kissing me can't be anything like kissing your little crab./ he signed,tilting his head. Gamzee nodded in agreement. Kissing his brother wasn't anything like kissing Karkat. Kurloz had experience when it came to kissing so he was bolder in his actions, where as Karkat was more shy with his kisses, always afraid to let the kiss get too heated. Though, kissing Kurloz gave him a thrill that kissing his lover couldn't. He supposed it was because he and Kurloz were brothers.

"Hey... Aren't you poly?" Kurloz blinked in surprise at the sudden question. Was Gamzee actually interested in his sexuality? He nodded slowly. Well, yes. Indeed he was polysexual and even polyamorous, and yes, there was a difference. Polysexual referred to sexual attraction to multiple genders, but not all. Kurloz, for example, was attracted to guys, girls, and non-binary persons, but he wasn't attracted to trans-gendered people. He didn't know why he wasn't attracted to trans people, but he just accepted it, knowing it had nothing to do with his personal beliefs or values. Polymaorous was, by definition, a person being open to one or more relationships at once, even if they weren't presently in multiple. When he discovered this at twenty years-old, Kurloz had told each of the people he dated that he was like that and only two had stayed, Meulin and Mituna. Meulin had been totally against Kurloz dating someone else at the same time as her, flat out telling him that while she respected his sexuality, she wouldn't tolerate it if he dated someone else. Because of that Kurloz had often gone behind Meulin's back and slept with other people, usually other men, just to piss her off. He loved her yes, and she loved him, but their relationship quickly became toxic and apparently, Kurloz wasn't paying enough attention to her and dumped him. Which was fine by him.

When he'd told Mituna about his sexuality, Mituna just smiled and hugged him, telling him it was fine. Mituna had even given Kurloz permission to date someone else if he'd wanted as long as he got to meet them. During the beginning of their relationship in fact, Kurloz had been dating Mituna and Rufioh at the same time. That ended quickly when Mituna got a head injury that left him unable to remember some things or even speak one his own sometimes. It was also around that time that Rufioh finally confessed he'd been going behind his boyfriend Horuss's back the whole time he'd been dating the mime. Kurloz had been so furious about that that he'd taken everything he knew Rufioh could live without from his apartment (pretty much everything, including the anime DVDs), put them all in Rufioh and Horuss's yard, and set them on fire. Rufioh had been torn between anger and distress when he'd gotten home only to find a shaking and grinning mime standing next to a pile of his burning stuff. Horuss had eventually smelled the burning mass and gone outside only to learn his boyfriend had been cheating on him with Kurloz. Horuss had promptly marched right back into the house, gathered the rest of Rufioh's things, come back outside and dumped them all into the fire and watched them burn while holding hands with Kurloz.

Kurloz had felt so bad that day because he'd brought to light Rufioh's infidelity in the worst way, but he was happy Horuss got out of that relationship. Rufioh hadn't been happy thus he cheated regularly and Horuss wasn't getting what he needed from the relationship. It had been a toxic relationship that would have killed one or both of them, even if it was slow and painful. The mime was also thankful Horuss wasn't mad at him and only at Rufioh. When asked why that was, Horuss had simply smiled and told him that he couldn't have known.

Kurloz lightly shook his head and looked down as his brother whined, begging to an answer. He chuckled and nodded. /Yes, Gamzee./ he replied. /I am polysexual and polyamorous, and happily so... Why?/ Gamzee shrugged and fiddled with Kurloz's ear gauges. He often talked about the frustrations of his own sexuality, such as being emotionally attached to a guy but not feeling sexually attracted to him when he wanted to. He'd been told if he wanted to be sexually attracted to someone he likely already was but that was so not the case. He'd met a guy once who he was emotionally attached to, but when he went to think about that guy for masturbation, he'd found himself unable to be aroused, despite wanting to be able to look at the guy in a sexual light, but he just couldn't. "Don't you ever want to... Yanno, be with someone else while still with Tuna?" he asked, looking up in concern for his brother. The look made Kurloz's hear melt. Gamzee was just so precious. After a moment of thinking, Kurloz sat up, pulling his brother with him. /Yes,/ he signed in response. /I do want to be with someone else while with my bee... But I'm happy with just him. He understands it when I need space or miracles like that. My little bee up and gets it when I need some motherfucking tender lovin'. I want to marry him and call him mine for the rest of my life.

/I want him to be with me until we're both old. I want to have children to raise with him, give our old man some motherfucking grand-kids to spoil the hell out of. I want you and Little Crab to be uncles too. I want Mituna there for when you and Little Crab get married and maybe have your own little miracles to raise. I want Mituna with me forever, even into our mirthful afterlives./ Kurloz smiled widely as he kept going, and thankfully Gamzee liked reading his brother's signing. /Gamzee, even though I long for another relationship, one that is lighter to deal with, Mituna needs my full love and attention. I can't just be up and putting only half effort into he and I so suddenly, especially when we're so close to getting married. He is the love of my life and is more patient with me than Meulin ever was and I need that. And he needs me just as much because Latula sure as hell couldn't care for him well enough as she'd have liked to./

Latula... It had been quite some time since he'd had to sign that girl's name. Latula had been good to Mituna, yes, treated him sweetly and loved him as much as she loved herself, but it hadn't been good enough. She'd been dating him before his accident, something Kurloz still blamed himself for, and she thought that she was totally prepared to take care of him. Every thing she did, she did with a smile, but there had been more than once occasion where she'd had to call Kurloz while she sat in her bathroom, crying her eyes out, while Mituna wailed outside the bathroom in a confused rage. Latula, after about a year of trying and trying and trying and trying to take care of Mituna without someone else's help, just couldn't take it anymore. It was on Valentines Day that they'd broken up. And why? Mituna had seemed perfectly fine, smiling and giggling and only occasionally getting frustrated with his inability to talk right. Latula had offhandedly joked about Kurloz and Meulin's relationship and for some reason it had upset Mituna to the point of him screaming and ranting at the top of his lungs. Normally, Latula would try to calm him down or she'd call Kurloz to come help her, but she couldn't stand it any more. So she'd shouted and told Mituna to leave. Mituna had instantly stopped his fit and had given Latula the most confused look ever as she cried. She explained through her tears that she just couldn't take care of him anymore and that they needed to break up.

Kurloz still kept in contact with Latula just to keep her updated on his status and she seemed to really appreciate it. She still loved Mituna with all her heart and it had cut her deeply to have to break up with him, but she just wasn't able to emotionally handle the stress of having a mentally handicapped lover. She was happy though that Mituna had found a lover who knew how to care for him in his own best friend. It was a good amount of weight being lifted off her shoulders just knowing Mituna was being looked after by Kurloz.

Speaking of updating Latula... Kurloz motioned for his brother to hold on a moment and he reached over to the nightstand for his phone. He quickly found Latula's name and texted her, telling her what had happened to Mituna, but also telling her not to visit him. It hurt to say that to her, and he knew it hurt her, but they both knew it was for the best. If Latula showed up, Mituna would likely try to get her to take him back, totally forgetting about his engagement to Kurloz and neither Kurloz or Latula wanted that. Latula wanted her ex to move on and close that chapter of his life. It hadn't ended on a good note, but she wanted the next chapter to start on a good one, and that meant she couldn't be there. She'd been there at Kankri's wedding with Mituna, but she'd managed to stay out of his sight for the whole thing. How? She wasn't sure, but what she was sure of was that Mituna needed to finally move on.

Kurloz looked down at his phone and smiled at Latula's reply to his update. It read, 'S4y wh4t now?! Oh H3LL no! Th4at 1s SO not r4d! Your mom b3tter w4tch out! L4tul4 Pyrop3 1s com1ng to k1ck her 4ss!' The mime chuckled and quickly sent back a reply. Despite him being Mituna's knew partner, Latula always seemed eager to talk to him, even if the conversation wasn't about Mituna. He set his phone aside and lied back down, pulling the half asleep Gamzee with him. "Kurloz, do you really think Karkat and I could get married?" Gamzee asked, seeming happy but shy all at once. It was utterly adorable how innocent Gamzee could sound. He nodded and closed his eyes, ready to go back to sleep and it seemed Gamzee was right there with him. Which was good. They had a long day tomorrow.

* * *

"You know something? You boys look just like your father!" Megan smiled brightly at her sons, who both looked utterly unamused. Gamzee and Kurloz agreed to meeting their mother for lunch, both wanting answers for why she purposefully used her truck to make Mituna wreck in his vehicle. They wanted nothing to do with their so called mother, but the police refused to investigate her so they had to play vigilante. Both wore wires made by Sollux and Psii, who both were pissed about what Megan had done to Mituna. Psii was actually more the more pissed of the two, seeing as Megan could have cost him two sons. He swore she was lucky both his children were about as okay as they could get. "So... Mind telling me why you're not talking to your dear old mother, Kurloz?" Kurloz tensed briefly but sighed and took out his note pad to write on. He'd have just used his phone, but as it was, he didn't trust the woman who'd birthed him, so he simply wrote on the note pad. /I can't talk. I up and chewed my motherfucking tongue out in high school./ the note said. Megan seemed a bit taken back the information, but she brushed it off and looked to Gamzee, who was more focused on the menu in his hands than on trying to interact with her. "Gamzee," she cooed sweetly, making her youngest look up curiously.

Megan smiled. "Why are you wearing that silly face paint?" she asked, tilting her head. Gamzee hunched his shoulders and hid behind his menu again. Kurloz had said it might not be the best idea to wear his paint today, but he just felt to exposed and naked with out it, especially since he had those three scars across his face. "Because I like it." he grumbled, deciding what he wanted for lunch. Megan didn't seem satisfied however. She sighed and shook her head. "Your father influenced you too much." she said, stirring her coffee. "He should have at least remarried and let a woman have some say in what you boys did growing up. And your manners, Gamzee, are especially horrid. Honestly, elbows off the table and keep your back straight, like your brother." Gamzee glanced over at Kurloz, who sighed out his nose and shook his head, the curls in his hair bouncing. Kurloz quickly scribbled out a note. /Mother, please refrain from lecturing him. You have no right. Especially after what you did to him./ Megan glared at the note, but didn't try to argue. Part of her knew her eldest was right. She didn't have any right to tell Gamzee what to do when she'd beaten him nearly to death. Plus, Gamzee was twenty-one years old and perfectly capable of making his own choices, like his attire.

Gamzee decided to wear a purple shirt with a grey hoodie and his favorite black sweat pants that had grey polka dots. A clownish outfit, but one that he liked and thought suited him. Plus, he knew it would drive his mother crazy. While Megan found his outfit utterly abhorrent, she said nothing about it, knowing it might just aggravate him thus ruin her chances of getting close to him. /Mother, we didn't come here to up and get our idle chat on./ Kurloz wrote, making sure Gamzee saw. Gamzee nodded lightly and set his menu down, going from shy and barely composed, to serious and almost scarily calm. "Yeah, Momma," Gamzee said, voice serious yet melodic and childish, just as Kurloz had taught him. "We wanted to talk about the car wreck you got in last night." Megan blinked in surprise, quite shocked that the reason her sons had for seeing her were purely about a crash. One she caused, not that she'd ever admit that. It would take a lot to get that out of her. "Why, I don't see why you want to discuss that." she said, playing up her supposed innocence. "Just a simple wreck with a little yellow Volkswagen Beetle with some sort of black stripe down the middle." Kurloz and Gamzee glanced at one another. One strike.

"I didn't get hurt much, just bruised." Megan continued, smiling as she gazed at her sons with chocolate eyes, making Kurloz shiver. Kurloz hated brown eyes. It made it harder for him to read people, which was actually apart of his job as a mortician and a psychic medium harder. Yeah, if you could believe it, ghosts still had all their color. "Though the fluffy haired boy and his baby brother in the 3D glasses didn't fare as well. Poor dears. I had pulled up to the intersection and went to move since I had the right of way, and he just sped up, suddenly braked, and turned his car so his side ended up hitting my truck. " Strike two. Well in their book. She knew exactly what had happened to Mituna's car and gave explicit details only few knew. Only one detail was changed. Where her car had been. The wreck occurred just before the stop light Mituna would have stopped at, plus skid marks on the road from her tires proved she'd sped up and drove passed Mituna and parked long ways across the road in front of him. They only needed her full confession.

Unfortunately, someone, more specifically, their father, approached. "Gamzee, Kurloz. Come. Now!" The boys reluctantly stood and followed their father to his car, not bothering to say good bye to their, as GHB would say, "incubator". The brother's got into the back seat of the car while GHB got into the front seat. GHB didn't start the car, he only clutched the steering wheel as he tried to keep himself from breaking. Sure, he understood why his sons would want to get a confession out of their mother but, he didn't see why they felt they had to. GHB had no faith in the police in matters like this, but sometimes, he just had to let a legal figure like Redglare handle it. GHB had been so worried that when he'd heard his sons were going to try and pry a confession out of Megan, worried she might try to kill them again. He let out a chocked sob as he hung his head, drawing the boys' attention. "Motherfuckers..." he said shakily, sniffling and hiccuping. "Do you up and understand how scared I was?!" His sons flinched at his raised voice, but he kept on shouting. "I was so scared she was gonna up and try to kill you boys again! Don't you ever put me in that position again, do you motherfucking understand, you ungrateful little motherfuckers?!" Kurloz and Gamzee nodded, holding each other's hands. Their father scared them when he was angry, but he always had good reasons for being angry, and they loved him for it.

* * *

"Karkat? I'm home!" Gamzee closed the door to his apartment behind him and gently shoved his cats away from him. Every time he came home, Faygo, Pins, Imp, and Sopor were excited to see him and often jumped up on him like dogs. It was cute at times, but most of the time, like right now, it was just annoying. "Kar?" Gamzee moved towards the bedroom and walked inside. He smiled when he saw the peacefully slumbering Karkat curled up under the blankets. Karkat, despite having slept alright on his brother's couch earlier that morning, he was still tired, seeing as he woke up at about eight and couldn't get back to sleep. He figured returning home would help and it obviously had seeing as he was now dreaming peacefully. He was pulled from his sleep, however, when familiar arms wrapped around him and made him warm. He smiled sleepily and yawned. "Hey Gam."

"Hey Kar... Go back to sleep. I need some wicked Z's myself."

Karkat nodded and snuggled closer to Gamzee before drifting back into the sweet embrace of sleep, shortly followed by Gamzee. It felt good to be warm and with his lover again and neither panned on letting the other go for the next few days.


	15. Tell the World That I'm Coming Home

**(Author note: I am genuinely curious as to what people think about me making Cronus an amputee or how I gave Kankri a thing for knife play. People are always just commenting on how good the story is, but I want to know what people think of certain parts of it such as character interactions or what I do that makes the characters different than they are in most head cannons, especially with Cronus seeing as most people leave him as is when he's in Humanstuck or they go the Trans! Cronus route. So please start telling me what you all think of stuff like that. Also, sorry for the lateness of this chapter, I've been exhausted and depressed so bare with me.)**

Karkat sat on the floor outside the bedroom he shared with Gamzee, crying softly while he listened to Gamzee scream, cry, and kick at the floor frantically. Karkat was so lost on what to do. He didn't know how to help Gamzee during a schizophrenic episode seeing as he'd yet to get close enough without Gamzee lashing out. He felt so utterly helpless, so lost on what to do. Gamzee's wailing got louder and it made him cringe and sob was he supposed to do?! He couldn't give Gamzee any medication, he knew it wouldn't help, he'd been told as much. He couldn't call Kurloz because the older Makara was at the hospital making sure Mituna got the best treatment possible, and GHB was out of the country for work. God, what he wouldn't give to have his father there to help him. But Signless was gone. Dead and gone. It hurt to remember that his father, the man who'd raised him for ten years only to be ripped from him by some asshole with a vendetta against him, was dead. Signless would have known what to do. He'd have told Karkat the best advice he could and hugged him. Karkat sobbed, swearing he could feel himself being hugged tightly. No one was there though. The bedroom door was still shut and Gamzee continued to cry. "K-Karkat!" He looked at the bedroom door as Gamzee called for him. "Please!" Gamzee cried. "I need you!"

Karkat hurriedly stood up and entered the room and gasped. Gamzee sat on the floor in his underwear, eyes wild as they darted from side to side. A burning cigarette was being held loosely in the clown's hand and several fresh burn marks from the same cigarette were evident on Gamzee's arms and legs. Karkat let out a strangled shout as he hurried over to his lover, quickly discarding the cigarette. He was quickly pulled into the juggalo's lap as Gamzee cursed at something only he could see. While Karkat clung tight to him, Gamzee was glaring about the room, sobs still wracking his body. Dark, malicious clowns sprouted from the walls to grin murderously at him, thin and sharp angled cats prowled the room, maniacal, pitch fluctuating laughter echoed from every corner, all the while a purple haze made the room darker than it actually was. His episodes had been steadily growing more frequent and more terrifying despite having taken his medication. It was all because that woman, no, that monster he was supposed to call mother was trying to reach out to him, mold him to her image of what he should have been. According to her, he and Kurloz were supposed to be well mannered, proper speaking gentlemen who attended high class banquets and charmed everyone with their looks and manners, each with a dazzling woman on their arms. According to her, they weren't supposed to both be living in apartments, wearing baggy clothes and grease paint, or pursuing the arts as their form of income with other men clinging to their waists.

Gamzee had wanted to punch her when she'd told him she thought it was wrong of him to be with Karkat. She'd tried to kill him and after that she wasn't around trying to make amends. She'd just shown up over Christmas and tried to force her way into the house to see them. To top it all off, she wanted to hurt the ones he and Kurloz cared about. It was like the black misery icing on the rotten malice cake, which was filled with worms and God knows what else.

A clown grabbed at Karkat and he screamed at it as he clutched the smaller man tightly to his chest. He wasn't about to let these demons, no matter fake or real, touch his precious little miracle. He'd not let them take away the only good thing in his life. The... _Things_ began to swarm around him and Karkat, clawing at his body as they tried to pry him off of Karkat, like one would unwrap a piece of candy. He cried out in anguish and pain as they're claws dug into his bare flesh and tugged, trying to rip it off. Soft and small hands with dulled down nails gently cupped his face and soft, tender lips pressed themselves against his own bitten and bloodied ones. All at once, the darkness and monsters vanished, all replaced by his miracle, savior, and lover. Slowly, he responded to the kiss and gently kissed back, happy his nightmare was over. Gentle kisses and touches were exchanged, their lips meeting in soft pecks, eyes half lidded as they held onto one another, afraid that if they let go the other would vanish. When Gamzee finally stopped crying, they pulled back a bit and gazed at each other, content to be in silence for the moment.

Both of them knew that this would not be the last time the episodes happened, both of them dreaded it, and both feared that the day that Karkat couldn't snap Gamzee out of it would soon be upon them. "I'm scared." Gamzee whispered as he stood, lifting his lover up with him. Karkat clung tightly to Gamzee, and sighed. "I am too." he confessed as he was carried slowly out to the living room. While Gamzee feared his own mind, Karkat feared losing his boyfriend permanently to his hallucinations, resulting in the older having to be put into a mental hospital. He was so scared of that happening due to the sudden frequency and worsening of Gamzee's episodes that he often had to call his brother, usually in tears, to stop thinking about it. The Cancer honestly couldn't think of any time in his life when he'd been so emotional. He'd thought he was basically hardened from all the depression and growing up the way he did, but he supposed that all of the emotion was A) pent up emotion from years of not letting it out, and B) not being fully prepared to date a mentally ill person.

While Gamzee went about sluggishly making dinner, Karkat sat on the couch with Sopor thinking about his relationship with Gamzee. He honestly couldn't tell if these episodes, which he was well aware were being caused by Megan, were bringing them closer or tearing them apart. Gamzee was more distant and seemed reluctant to speak most of the time while Karkat himself was trying to distance himself from the negativity that came with being around Gamzee. Just because they cuddled, kissed, and spent time together didn't mean their relationship was okay. If anything it was slowly coming apart from the inside. Megan was destroying their relationship little by little and she was enjoying every single bit of it. Karkat had seen the messages she sent her son over Facebook, acting like she genuinely cared about him when everyone knew she didn't. She was doing it to Kurloz too.

She said things that would seem motherly to an outsider, but everyone involved knew the truth. They all knew she was just some low life cunt looking for revenge on her ex-husband. She'd married into a wealthy family, had children with the man she'd married, then gotten cut off from the wealth via divorce because she'd tried to murder both of her children and GHB wasn't having it at all. Many would have considered Megan a sociopath, but she lacked the main characteristic of one. Manipulation and persuasion. She couldn't just charm her way out of anything and she certainly couldn't just make someone believe what she wanted them to. Well, at least not sane people. Kurloz and Gamzee's minds were malleable. Gamzee because his mind took simple things and blew them up into ridiculous things and Kurloz was easily made to feel guilty and like he was a pathetic excuse of a human being, and she loved to toy with them.

And it made Karkat sick.

Gamzee yelped as his phone went off. He hurried to answer it before it shut off. "Yellow." he said as a greeting. Gamzee had an odd habit of occasionally saying colors as he greeted people over the phone. "Oh, hehe that's, uh, funny Gamzee. I'm actually wearing some, um, yellow right now." Gamzee's face went from mildly panicked and giddy to surprised and sad. "Oh... H-hey Tav." Karkat bit his lip. Of course Tavros just had to call just after Gamzee's episode. Of course he had to call in general! He never knew why he was so jealous of Tavros, he had no reason to be really. Well, besides the fact that the Taurus and Gamzee had dated previously. Then again, maybe it was because, in a way, Tavros still had Gamzee's heart. Gamzee and Tavros had started dating when Tavros was a freshman and Gamzee was a senior in high school. The two had dated for awhile before Gamzee had an outburst. Apparently, the outburst had occurred on Gamzee's 17th birthday and Equius, Nepeta, and Tavros had all been invited over. In short, he'd had an episode and gotten angry and attacked not only Kurloz, who'd been trying to calm him down, but also his friends. Equius had been strangled with thin rope until he passed out, Nepeta had been hit over the head several times, and Tavros had nearly been decapitated via hedge clippers. Everyone had forgiven Gamzee, knowing he hadn't been in a rational state of mind.

From what Karkat could hear of the conversation, something had happened with Vriska again. No one, not even Marquis (who'd dated Tavros's father), could figure out why Vriska and Tavros were dating. Rufioh, Gamzee, and Karkat, though, knew it was a bad relationship. And by bad, they really meant abusive. Vriska would always end up hurting Tavros in some way when she got annoyed with him or something and then Tavros would call someone, usually Gamzee or Rufioh, and they'd tell him each time to leave her before he got killed, every single time Tavros would laugh it off nervously and say that it had likely been his fault. She'd had a bad day or something and he'd pissed her off. Talk about Stockholm Syndrome. Sure, Karkat felt bad the younger man had to deal with a shitty girlfriend, but he was still jealous. Jealous of the fact that Gamzee had learned gentle sex from Tavros, jealous that Gamzee taught Tavros how to kiss, he was jealous that Tavros had felt Gamzee's hands before he did, but he was especially jealous of the fact that Tavros had gotten to kiss Gamzee before he did.

"Tav... Tavbro... Tavros!" Karkat jumped as Gamzee shouted into the phone. The clown looked uncharacteristically upset. His brow was furrowed, his mouth was twisted down into a frown, and he was pinching the bridge of his nose. It made him look more tired than he already was. "Tavros... No... I'm s-... Tavbro, I'm sorry I can't... Tav, Rufioh and I kept on warnin' ya... Yes we did!... You didn't motherfucking listen and now you're payin' the price for it, Tavros!... You're one of my best friends you know that... Yes just one o-... I can't exactly put you before my motherfucking lover now can I?!" Karkat winced as Gamzee slowly got more and more frustrated. It was weird to see Tavros of all people pissing him off. Maybe Tavros had finally developed a bit of spine. He refused to say "he'd grown some balls" because balls were fucking sensitive especially to getting kicked. "I cannot motherfucking believe you, motherfucker!" Gamzee had practically screamed into the phone, looking ready to smash something. "I tried helping you, tried being your god damned friend only to have you turn around and not only call me a piece of shit but start insulting Karkat?! No! Fuck you!" Gamzee hung up the phone and put it down on the counter as gently as his shaking hands would allow.

Karkat hurried over to him and gently and sweetly paped his face. He quietly shooshed the clown as he lead him over to the couch. "I'll make dinner," the Cancer said softly, kissing Gamzee's cheek as he made the taller sit. "You play with the cats and watch TV." Gamzee nodded and sighed as Karkat went back into the kitchen to prepare dinner. He flipped on the TV and scrolled through the channels before finally deciding to watch Rocky Horror Picture Show, a movie Kurloz had introduced him to when they were younger. It was one of his favorites. Speaking of favorites, Faygo had crawled into Gamzee's lap, having noticed his mater's distress and anger. Pins and Sopor snuggled each of his thighs while Imp made a bit of a nest in his hair. It was hard to be grumpy with a huge cat thinking he can fit into your lap and a hairless cat using your hair as bed. With his beloved cats surrounding him he felt at ease, totally and utterly relaxed. Only one cat was missing, but that one was making a delicious dinner for them to share.

"I don't mean to upset you any more than you already have been, but what's going on with Nitram?" Gamzee had noticed Karkat's anger towards Tavros, but had never commented on it, not wanting to upset his precious miracle. He'd also noticed that once he'd started to date Karkat the younger blatantly refused to call Tavros by his first name, preferring to use the Taurus's last name. Initially, it had hurt Gamzee's feelings because both Tavros and Karkat were important to him, but as time went by, he saw why. Tavros had been the one to teach him what gentle sex was and how it worked and in return, Gamzee had taught Tavros everything he knew about pleasuring someone to the fullest extent. Tavros had experienced Gamzee's kind words, gentle touches, and seen Gamzee at his worst before Karkat had.

"Vriska pushed him down some stairs and now his motherfucking legs are useless." Gamzee finally replied after sitting silently for a few minuets. Karkat froze in his actions and felt guilt settle in his stomach. Guilt for all the times he'd wanted to kill Tavros for being with Gamzee first, guilt for each time he'd wanted to smack Tavros for being able to have such fluid conversation with the clown, guilt for hating him. But at the same time, he wanted to waltz right into the younger's hospital room and laugh at him for now being paralyzed by his own stupidity. Tavros as been warned and even ordered to leave Vriska before something bad happened to him, and now he was paralyzed from the waist down because he kept insisting he could make the relationship work by doing everything Vriska wanted the exact way she wanted it done. Tavros was the kind of person that said yes a lot. A yes man. Tavros figured that by being passive and sweet and saying yes all the time he wouldn't get dumped. The reality of it was, it all just made him a wuss. And no woman, no man either, wants to be dating a wuss. Sure, everyone wants to feel like their partner would bend over backwards for them, but not to the point of having a wuss on their hands. Especially Vriska.

Plus that woman was insane, in Karkat's opinion. Alright, it was actually everyone's opinion. Vriska's way of thinking was skewed and broken. She thought to be stronger, you had to get hurt first. Severely hurt. Everyone thought maybe she was being genuine when she said things, but her actions always said otherwise. Karkat, while younger than Vriska, had known her for years because they'd once been neighbors before her mother was forced to move them because of work. When he was twelve and she was fourteen, she'd tried to get him to jump off a roof to conquer his fear of heights, which he'd done and resulted in both his legs getting broken because she'd made sure he wouldn't land on his feet by, you guessed it, pushing him. He hated her with every inch of his being and it didn't surprise him as much as it probably should have.

He went back to what he was doing and muttered out an "oh". He didn't really know what else to say, or if he was even allowed to say much else. He had been friends with Tavros, but they had a bad falling out after the younger had learned about his relationship with Gamzee. Apparently, Tavros didn't like people dating his exes. "Sorry to hear that."

"Motherfucker deserved it."

Karkat highly doubted that that was how Gamzee actually felt but he wasn't going to press the issue lest he piss off his boyfriend again. He'd never had Gamzee's anger directed at him and he wasn't about to start that anytime soon.

The movie Gamzee was watching was interrupted by an emergency news broadcast, making the clown groan. He just wanted to relax but apparently that wasn't allowed tonight. Karkat wandered out of the kitchen to get a better view of the TV, knowing the broadcast could be important. The news anchor was, funny enough, his friend John Egbert. Egbert was an odd... Egg. They'd grown up together until Karkat's father was killed and he'd had to leave. Egbert was always the one teasing Karkat but never in a mean way, and Karkat had known that. Didn't mean it wasn't as infuriating as John's constant need to prank people, even now. It was a wonder to Karkat how someone as dumb and idiotic as John became a serious new anchor.

"Hello and welcome to the nine o' clock news." John said, his usual annoying, buck toothed grin in place. "Please stay tuned for this emergency report. Earlier tonight a man by the name of Cancri Jackson escaped from the Highland Mental Hospital in Asheville, North Carolina. There is a chance that he is armed and highly dangerous. If you see him please proceed with caution and call the authorities." A picture of this escaped mental patient popped up on the screen and Karkat's heart and breathing stopped. The picture was of a man with messy red hair, some reddish brown stubble along his jaw, red-brown eyes, and a large amount of freckles. It was... His father. The first name was even the same! Cancri, the name that had semi birthed Kankri's. Replace Jackson with Vantas...

When his heart finally started to beat again, he took notice that Gamzee was once again on the phone, but this time with his hysteric father. Gamzee had GHB on speaker phone and Karkat could clearly hear the oldest Makara sobbing and screaming. Gamzee was doing his best to calm his father down, shooshing and talking slowly and calmly, despite being freaked out too. Everyone who had known Signless was likely panicking if they were watching this. Nine years... Nine god damned years he'd thought his father was dead. Murdered by some crazy person with a minor vendetta that they'd never caught. Now he was being told that there was a chance he could see his father again and he wanted to take that chance and hold it tight.

Karkat jumped as Gamzee grabbed his hand and looked at him intensely. "I'm gonna get dressed then we're gonna go searching for him... Okay?" Karkat nodded rapidly and watched as Gamzee disappeared, albeit nervously, into the bedroom. He slipped his own shoes and jacket on before calling Kankri. Kankri and Cronus didn't have cable seeing as they barely even used their Netflix account. The couple often just read books or danced together or worked on projects on their respective computers.

"Hello, Kankri Vantas speaking." Karkat rolled his eyes at his brother's greeting. The older had likely had his phone on vibrate and didn't bother checking the caller ID while he worked on his blog. Instead of greeting his brother in turn, he cut right to the chase. "I think Dad's alive." There was a pause then a sad and almost angry sigh from Kankri. "Karkat," Kankri said slowly, feeling annoyed that his brother would bother him with something like a childish dream. "Father was killed nine years ago."

"We saw him get shot and didn't see him move after, doesn't mean he was killed."

"What evidence could you possibly have to prove me, police, and the county that he's not dead."

"The nine o'clock news has a broadcast going on right now about it."

He heard Kankri typing then silence, then the faint sound of the same news broadcast he was now watching. When the picture popped up a second time, he heard Kankri let out a muffled scream, then an angry sob. "Oh my goodness... Karkat... We... We have to find him! Before someone else!"

"Gamzee and I are headed out right now and so is GHB. "

"Cronus and I will head out as well. Be careful, Kat. He might not-."

"Be the same or remember us, I know. You don't have to remind me that our fucking father might be fucking lost to us in his own potentially pathetic excuse for sanity. I know."

Kankri sighed and shook his head. Karkat was such a pain when he was emotionally distressed. Karkat hung up the phone and hurried out to Gamzee's motorcycle with the older man close behind.

* * *

A figure wrapped in an old blanket he'd found at a Goodwill truck, hurried down the street, loose change jingling in the pants of the cargo shorts he'd taken from the Goodwill truck as well. His red hair and face were well hidden by the blanket, keeping him temporarily safe under the cover of night, but it wouldn't last long. He needed to call someone, anyone. He'd had a good amount of friends but only three might answer and his mother would think it some kind of cruel trick if she did answer and let him talk long enough. He found a pay phone, rare these days, and gladly stopped at it. He shoved the necessary amount of coins in and sighed, trying to figure out who to call. He decided to call an old flame, one he knew would bend over backwards for him. He dialed the number slowly and prayed to the gods it still worked.

* * *

As he drove, GHB's phone rang. Normally he'd be bitter about it, but tonight was different. His former lover was potentially alive and out on the streets cold and alone and it was possible either one of his sons or friends had found him. He grabbed his phone and answered it as he drove. "Okay unless you're someone I asked to help me search for Cancri, I am not in the motherfucking mood." he growled into the speaker. A brief silence soon followed by a sob and a laugh. "Oh thank God you still have the same damn number, Grant." GHB's eyes widened and he quickly breaked, his truck skidding to a stop. The voice on the other line... It was so familiar and smooth, like it should have been used for singing and preaching instead of speaking normally. It had it own sort of melody and tune that just made his heart flutter like it had so many years ago. "S-Signless?"

"Y-yeah... It's me, Highblood... It's really me."

"Where... Where are you, you cock sucking piece of shit?!"

Signless chuckled, happy to hear the fond insults again. "I... I think I'm near Marble Slab. "he said peering at his surroundings. "The-the one downtown." GHB cursed. He was no where near downtown... But Kurloz was. "Alright," he said calmly. "I'm gonna call Kurloz, my son, and tell him to come get you. He might be bringing Simon's boys and 'Phanos's youngest... Gamzee might show up too."

"Okay... thank you."

"Sure."

GHB nodded and said his fare wells then called Kurloz. He knew the boy couldn't talk, but texting was way slower than calling. Luckily, Kurloz understood and answered. He gave the younger Makara instructions then hung up, focusing his attention on getting at least to Psiioniic's apartment.

* * *

When Kurloz arrived at the Marble Slab ice cream shop, Gamzee and Karkat pulled up, having gotten Kurloz's text about it. A figure sat slumped against the ice cream shop, hiding his face. Gamzee hopped off the motorcycle, followed by Karkat, and called out to the man. "Mister Vantas?" he called. "It's me, Gamzee. Kurloz is here too. He'd say something but he can't." The figure looked up and stood, moving a bit into the light. Karkat's eyes widened. It was him. It was really his father. After so many years of living with survivor's guilt and the dread of not having a father, Cancri Signless Vantas was alive. Karkat ran towards him. "Dad!" he shouted as he wrapped his arms around his father tightly. Signless was a bit taken back. The small dark haired young man who'd run up and hugged him called him Dad. One of his sons was here? But he couldn't tell which one, embarrassingly enough. Kankri had barely begun puberty and Karkat was ten when they'd all be separated. Then again Kankri was the one with dark hair. He bit his lip, unsure of which one of his sons was hugging him.

Luckily, Gamzee, who seemed to be the spitting image of his father, unknowingly helped him. "Karkat, give him some motherfucking space, bro. He's probably still disoriented." So, Karkat was holding him so tightly and refusing to let go, despite all of Gamzee's urging. He wrapped his arms around his son and smiled. "Thought your hair was red, Karkles." he said lovingly as he nuzzled Karkat's dark hair. He heard Karkat groan a little. "It was red but I dyed it black." Karkat muttered, still clinging tightly to his father. "Besides, you should see Kankri. The fuckass bleaches his hair and it makes him look like some weird albino." Signless couldn't help but laugh. Karkat was just as cranky as he remembered. Only with more swear words and sarcasm.

Karkat pulled back and looked over his shoulder as he heard Cronus softly urging Kankri forward towards his brother and father. Kankri was nervous beyond all belief. His father seemed the same, goofy, loud, and all around sweet guy he remembered, but Kankri had changed quite a bit. At thirteen he'd been very much like Karkat. Loud and cranky and very prone to tantrums. Now he was soft spoken, well mannered, and intent on world saving... And maybe he was still prone to tantrums, just milder ones. Finally he shuffled forward, eyes avoiding his father's stare as he focused on picking at his nails.

Signless smiled at the shy young man he knew to be his oldest. Kankri certainly did look like his mother, but still looked like his father. He also took note that Karkat hadn't been lying about the bleached hair. He thought it suited Kankri well enough. Made him look a little older and a bit more mature than his weight and stature might have initially made him seem. "Well," he said, smiling. "I can see Karkat wasn't lying about the hair." Kankri cringed a little and bit his lip. "It looks good." Kankri looked up in surprise at his father, not thinking for one second that the older Vantas would have liked it. He always thought his father would have hated it and even told him to stop. He couldn't help it when tears well up in his eyes as he wrapped his arms around his father.

Signless chuckled and pulled both his sons into a tight and loving hug. It had been far too long since he'd seen his sons and he felt ever so guilty. He'd missed their respective graduations, missed them having their first dates, and he'd even missed them passing their driving tests and getting licenses. He'd missed so much and it hurt to think about. Nine years of things to catch up on. He looked down when Kankri pulled back and cursed under his breath. "I feel awful now." Kankri said, looking at his shoes. Karkat pulled away from his father and crossed his arms, raising a skeptical eye brow. "And pray tell, why Kankri?"

"Father missed my wedding."

Signless's heart broke a little more at hearing that. He'd missed his son's wedding. He'd not been able to see his son elated, nervous, and maybe sick feeling all at once. He looked up as a young man, who looked like a far less intimidating Dualscar, chuckled and hugged Kankri from behind. "Aw, Kanny," he said. "Don't vworry, vwe'll givwe him some pictures of our vwedding. Not the same, but I'm sure he'd like them just the same."

" Firstly, however true that may be, it still does not make me feel any better about it. Secondly, Cronus, the touching with out consent, you know how triggering that could be to some people. Not to mention the fact that this is a public display of affection, something not every one has the luxury of having. The simple fact that you are doing this could trigger a reaction from someone and...-"

Signless was stunned at how much his son was talking. It reminded him of himself only... Only far more annoying. Cronus, as he now knew to be his son's husband, seemed to easily block it for the most part, but nodding at intervals. Karkat however was getting more and more annoyed. He could see his youngest shaking in building anger. While Kankri ranted, Gamzee picked up Karkat and cradled him and Kurloz, Mituna, Sollux, and Eridan wandered over. Signless smiled at Mituna and Sollux, thinking them both very much like their father in appearance. Kurloz looked like a younger and kinder version of GHB, though Signless knew better than to judge based on appearance, especially with the Makaras. For all he knew, Kurloz could be a trouble maker or even a sadist like his father. Then again, the gentle, gangly looking Gamzee, who was now peppering kisses all over Karkat's scrunched up face, could be the same way.

Signless screamed in surprise as he was lifted off the ground by someone behind him. His instincts kicked in and he instantly tried to fight back. "Motherfuck, calm down!" That voice. The deep, rumbling voice that used to be able to put him to sleep just by talking about mundane things like Faygo. He relaxed and smiled, letting himself be cuddled much like Karkat was being. "Heeeey, Highblood. Still fluffy I see."

"And you're still a sarcastic little shit stain."

"I'm still cute as fuck so I got that going for me."

He smiled wider when Karkat laughed, occasionally making soft screeching noises. He knew this relaxation period wouldn't last much longer. He was going to have to answer for his absence and his lack of notices. For now, though, he was content to remain here in the arms of his best friend.


	16. A Pause in the Drama

**((Author note: I am so sorry it took so long to get this chapter out! I've been distracted and my imagination hasn't been up and running very well. So, I'm sorry for this being late. This chapter is also incredibly short because I have so many things planned that revolve purely around Gamzee and Karkat and they wouldn't fit here because I wanted a short kind of fluffy chapter to break a bit from the drama coming up. So hold onto your panties, your hats, and bow ties, babies, because the next few chapters are going to put you through some hell. For now, enjoy GHB and Signless cuddling and musing over the present.))**

Signless lay in bed next to GHB, feeling out of place, and unable to sleep. It had been a long few days and an even longer nine years. Over the last week he'd been staying with GHB and was quite happy to stay there. The house was large and quiet, mostly since the cats and C.V. had moved in with their owners, and it felt like home to him. The night he'd been reunited with his sons, they'd (him, his boys, GHB and his boys, the Amporas and Captors) all gone to Kankri and Cronus's house for a bit of a relaxation period. Cronus had cooked dinner for everyone and Karkat and Kankri babbled on about things that had happened to them. What had infuriated Signless to learn was that the man who'd raised his sons for eight years actually beat Karkat. He didn't ever remember being so angry. Thankfully GHB had been around to calm him down enough to listen to the rest of the story. He was glad to hear that Gamzee had given the bastard a concussion and put him in jail.

When it came time for him to talk about what had happened to him, he'd closed himself off from emotions and looked terrified to talk about it. Despite knowing exactly what his father might be feeling, Kankri still pressed on, getting more and more annoyed when his father refused to talk and continued to remain speechless. Eventually Kankri ended up storming out of the room just before Signless went into a full blown anxiety attack. It took nearly an hour for him to calm down, but when he did, he refused to talk to anyone but Karkat, which had seemed to shock the nineteen year old. The story he told Karkat, had left the boy angry and yelling.

Signless's story was this. After he'd been taken to the hospital and his operation to remove the bullet in his stomach gotten over with, he'd, illegally, been told his sons were shot and killed after he'd blacked out, and that their grandmother'd had the boys cremated. The news had hurt him deeply, so much so that he'd cried for several days. His heart had been shattered and his life ruined. He'd been placed into witness protection for about five years. When that ran out, someone, likely the one who'd taken his children from him illegally, threw him into Highland Hospital where he spent four years, apparently for suicidal tendencies and hallucinations, before breaking out. He'd been given the privilege of wandering around the hospital, seeing as he'd done his best to behave and what not. When none of the staff was looking, he'd made a break for it. Security wasn't a major issue around his ward so it had been easy enough to get out through the front door. He'd planned the escape for months, mapping out every little thing that could go wrong or right, and it seemed luck had been on his side. Well, that was the short version. The long version would have taken hours to explain, hours Signless wasn't willing to sacrifice. Lucky for him, Karkat understood that and didn't press. Of course the reason why Karkat understood made Signless cry.

He learned that his sons had both been depressed growing up and had gone days without leaving their respective rooms. He knew more had likely happened but, Karkat hadn't been willing to disclose that.

He sighed as he stared up at the ceiling, feeling lost and hopeless. Two strong arms wrapped him up in a hug, making him smile faintly. GHB was always a good cuddle buddy. Big, warm, and squishy, despite being a near seven foot mass of muscle. He always felt safe in GHB's arms, like he could hide from the world and his problems and just stay nice and cozy in the large man's arms. "Can't sleep, Can?" Signless shook his head and sighed heavily, feeling guilty. "No... Sorry." GHB shrugged and rolled onto his back, pulling the much smaller man on top of him. Things felt normal between them, but it still needed getting used to. They loved each other, very much like their youngest sons did, but they'd not been together for nine years. Signless had symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress and it was hard to figure out when he'd have an episode of some sort. It hurt GHB to not be able to be as close and touchy feely with Signless as he'd once been. He'd actually had to call Gamzee twice, crying, trying to figure out what to do. Gamzee was always there for his father whenever the older Makara was having a freak out. Normally, GHB'd have called Kurloz, seeing as Mituna often had similar freak outs, but as it was, Mituna was comfortable with Kurloz touching him. Signless didn't mind most people touching him. Well, hadn't until now. Now it was always asking if he could hug the smaller man, it was always waiting hours for Signless to calm down from an anxiety attack, it was making food and coffee when Signless didn't even have the energy to get out of bed.

Their relationship now was a waiting game for GHB and he hated it. He wanted to break up with the other man, kick him out, scream at him in all the languages he knew, but he couldn't. He had lost his lover once before and he wasn't about to do it again. He just hoped things would get better.

Signless reached up and cupped GHB's face in his hands, gently rubbing the man's angled cheek bones with his thumbs. "I'm sorry I such a god damn pain in the ass now a days." he mumbled, looking sad. He genuinely felt guilty for freaking out and having panic attacks and he could tell they made GHB feel inadequate or even rejected. "I'm sorry I can't be the person you once fell in love with Grant." he went on, looking away as he prepared to cry. "I'm so... so sorry." GHB wrapped his arms tightly around his boyfriend and sighed. "It's not your fault." he whispered. "Cancri, it was and never will be your motherfucking fault. I love you just the same now as I did then." Signless giggled and sniffled a bit. "Dork."

"Nerd."

"Bitch."

"Jerk."

The two laughed and playfully slapped each other like they used to in high school. GHB held Signless close and soon drifted back into peaceful sleep. Signless expected to remain wide awake but he found himself quickly following his lover back into dream land, finally feeling at peace.


	17. Shot in the Dark

He was scared... So... So scared. Karkat was huddled on the kitchen floor, shaking from cold and anxiety, tears were rolling down his face in hot streams that refused to stop, his phone was clutched in his hands, and Gamzee was no where to be found, as far as he knew. Karkat had been at work most of the day and had come home to find the apartment was an absolute mess. The couch was turned over, the lamps were all broken, the TV was on the floor, most of the paintings were torn to shreds, and someone's blood was every where. He hadn't moved from the kitchen in over an hour, too scared to move. He was afraid he was going to find Gamzee suffering another fit, but he knew if he didn't act now, Gamzee might end up being dead. He forced himself off the kitchen floor and he trudged down the hall. Meowing came from behind the bathroom door, startling him. Well, had this mess been Gamzee's doing at least he'd had the sense to lock the cats in the bathroom. Karkat opened the door and sighed, pleased all four cats were unharmed. Well, Sopor had a bite mark from Pins but it wasn't bad so he could care for the little cat later. The cats hurried out to the living room, Faygo in the lead.

Karkat swallowed as he approached the bedroom door with shaky hands. He cringed as he stepped in a small pool of blood. He prayed that none of the blood was Gamzee's. Which seemed weird to say at the time but, who wouldn't wish the blood they saw in their own home to be someone else's and not their lover's? No one. Karkat turned the door handle as bravely as he could and pushed it open. He expected to see a robber on the floor, having been mercilessly killed by Gamzee, but what he found was far worse. Gamzee lay on the floor, covered in his own blood, which oozed from the bullet wounds in his torso. Karkat screamed and hurried over to his boyfriend. He sobbed loudly as he shakily checked for breathing and a pulse. It took a few minuets with all his crying and shaking, but he determined that yes, Gamzee was alive, but just barely. He grabbed his phone and dialed a number. He was expecting it to be 911 but instead he'd called Sollux, the one he usually called when he was in panic and Gamzee couldn't help. Sollux answered the phone, annoyed. "What KK?"

"S-S-Sollux... G-get over here. G-Gamzee's dying."

Sollux's heart stopped as he quickly got out of bed, shoving Eridan awake. "KK, call 911 and hold GZ's hand and talk to him."

"Sol-."

"Do it! KK, please just do it! ED and I will meet you at the hospital, just call 911 and and talk to GZ."

Karkat cringed when Sollux hung up but quickly dialed 911. He sat next to Gamzee and held the clown's hand, rubbing it with his thumb. Giving the operator the information took longer than he felt it should have but when he was finished, he tossed his phone onto the bed and kissed Gamzee's cheek and began to whisper to him. "Do you remember the first time we made love, Gam?" he asked softly, not expecting a response. "That's one of my favorite memories with you. You were so gentle, so sweet with me. I felt like whatever heaven exists was right there in that moment. I was just so happy... You... You made me feel so loved, so... Appreciated..." He sniffled and kissed Gamzee's blood stained lips. "If I could go back in time and relive that moment... I-I would. I would relive it everyday just to feel the intensity of your love for me." He hiccuped and let out a sob, checking Gamzee's pulse again. It was steady, much steadier than it had been before, and stronger. Maybe this talking thing really did help. So, he continued, despite it being harder to talk. "Re-remember when you took me to get my ears sized up? How you held my hand and... Hehehe you ended up crying because you were just so proud of me... So proud of me f-for being able to handle it like... Like a fucking champ or some... Some cheesy white suburban dad thing." He swallowed passed the lump in his throat and kissed Gamzee's lips again.

"Don't die on me." he said, lips brushing Gamzee's. "Don't you dare fucking die on me you piece of shit. I swear to god if you do, I will follow your dumb ass into whatever after life you go to, drag you back, and lecture you while you fuck me senseless." A soft puff of air cam from Gamzee's mouth, the corners of his lips curling up a bit. "That sounds like you bro." Karkat sobbed loudly as he heard Gamzee talk, soft as his voice was. "Oh my god, you idiot... You idiot...You big... Stupid... Idiot." He sniffled and brushed Gamzee's hair away from his eyes. "Thanks for talking to me to let me know you're alive but... You gotta shut up now... An ambulance will be here soon, just... Hang in there Gamzee." Gamzee nodded and bit and squeezed Karkat's hand, holding onto it for dear life. He was in so much pain, but he didn't want to let Karkat know that. Though the little guy likely already guessed that.

Soon the ambulance arrived and paramedics rushed into the apartment. They hurried into the bedroom and hurriedly put Gamzee onto the stretcher, fitting an oxygen mask over his face. One of the paramedics began asking Karkat questions while the others tended to Gamzee and Karkat didn't know half the answers. He had no idea when the attack happened, he hadn't seen anyone leaving the premises, and he hadn't noticed any forced entry. The paramedics got Gamzee out of the apartment and into the ambulance, letting Karkat in as well. They figured it best to have Karkat there to keep Gamzee calm.

* * *

"What the ever loving fuck do you mean I can't see him?!"

"Sir, unless you can provide legal evidence of your relationship with the patient, I'm afraid you can't see him. I'm sorry."

Karkat watched, anger boiling hot in his system, as the doctor walked of. He was used to discrimination by now, but this was a whole new level. He was being kept away from his boyfriend simply because he himself was male. They were a same sex couple, but they weren't married and the moronic doctors and hospital administrators were just a bunch of fucking bigots. Girls were allowed to see their boyfriends in emergencies like this. Gamzee had under gone hours of surgery and there was still a chance he could die and they wouldn't let Karkat see him. Karkat screamed and stormed over to a chair to sit down. He curled up in it, sobbing into his hands. Gamzee had to be so scared, so frightened without his Karkat there to tell him it was all gonna be okay. Hell, Karkat needed someone to tell him it was all gonna be okay. "KK!" Karkat looked up and sobbed as he saw Sollux. He got up and hurried over, hugging Sollux tightly. "They won't let me see him!" he wailed into Sollux's chest. "Those assholes won't let me see Gamzee!" Sollux hugged his friend tight and close to his chest, petting his hair. "Ssshhh." he soothed, tears welling up in his own eyes. "GHB will be here thoon... Don't worry, he'll thort it out, I promise."

Karkat shook in fear and anger as he was pet. There was no pain in the world that could compare to not seeing someone you love when their life hangs by a thread. There was nothing more painful than having to sit by while your lover waited for you only to be disappointed. He pulled away from Sollux and sat back down, looking hopeless and frustrated. For Sollux, seeing Karkat like that was a stab to the chest. Yes, Karkat always did look frustrated but this was a different kind of frustration, a new kind. And that scared him. Karkat was normally so solid, sturdy, and strong. Well, outwardly anyways. On the inside, Karkat was soft and pliable, easily hurt. Sollux snorted to himself as he thought that the Cancer sign, a crab, really fit his best friend. Sturdy and hard on the outside, soft and squishy on the inside, so, all in all, it was weird, scary even, to see Karkat's soft vulnerability on the outside for once.

Karkat was always the strong one, even if he wasn't calm or very level headed. Having to be the strong one for once was a weird, almost surreal experience for Sollux and it made him hate whoever shot Gamzee even more. As if shooting his brother in law wasn't bad enough, the whole situation had reduced Karkat, the leader of their little friendship group, to tears. Karkat was supposed to be the one comforting everyone telling them it's be okay, not the other way around. Karkat wasn't supposed to cry, he wasn't supposed to break so easily, yet he was breaking down and burning right before Sollux's eyes. And that was not okay.

Sollux sat next to the slump that was his best friend and sighed heavily. "I thent ED to your apartment." he said softly. "He thaid he'th gonna clean up and do what he can to make thith eathier for you and GZ." Karkat nodded slowly, barely registering anything Sollux was saying. He was too focused on the possibility of Gamzee dying and, because of the fucking administrators, he'd not be able to say good bye. The thoughts of not being able to tell Gamzee good bye rushed through his mind so many times in barely a minuet that is over whelmed him and he began to sob more as he hyperventilated. Sollux was about to go into protective mode when Signless hurried over and lifted his son up into his arms. Despite being nearly the same height as Karkat, Signless was still able to lift his son and hold him. Karkat wrapped his arms and legs around his father as he sobbed into the older man's shoulder. Signless sat down in Karkat's seat and gently rocked him, petting the boy's hair. He hadn't gotten to know his son very well over the last few weeks, hadn't gotten to see Karkat's better sides before this, but that didn't stop him from instantly running to his child's aid. His paternal instincts had kicked in the second he'd seen Karkat's broken state.

Signless looked over when Kankri walked into the room and cringed at the icy aura Kankri gave off. He and Kankri didn't quite get along as they'd expected to. Kankri had expected to be able to get into long discussions with his father and maybe he'd get some ideas as to how to improve his view of the world, but all he got from Signless was confusion and a small talk about their different views on equality. Signless, on the other hand, had been hoping to joke with and tease Kankri, but what ended up happening was lecture after lecture. It made his heart break to hear Kankri sound so stern and aggressive. Even Cronus, who'd tolerated Kankri's lectures of years, thought Kankri was being ridiculous, especially since Signless had been missing so long. Kankri saw no issue in lecturing his father, however.

"Father."

"Kankri."

That was how they greeted one another and it hurt Signless to the core. It tore him up inside to have one of his sons be so cold to him, and over nothing more than a disagreement of views, but he wasn't going to let that stop him from being a father, even if Kankri was grown up. He sighed as Kankri started talking to him about how rude and triggering it could be to other people to hold someone so closely to their person. Before Kankri could get very far, however, Signless cut him off. "Kankri," he said, voice stern, daring Kankri to argue. "This is not about what other people find offensive or triggering. This is about your little brother and his boyfriend, who need I remind you was shot several times. So, sit down and hush the fuck up." Kankri was taken back by his father's tone and words. Signless hadn't spoken to him like that before, but it was startlingly comforting. He thought perhaps the reason it was comforting was because it was his actual father fathering him instead of the man who'd adopted him. Kankri nodded slowly and sat on the floor in front of his brother and father, reaching up to rub Karkat's back gently. Signless was right. This wasn't about triggers, this was all about Karkat, who looked shockingly small curled up to their father's broad chest.

GHB and Kurloz trailed over and GHB put a hand on Karkat's back, making him look up. "I heard what happened." he said softly, petting Karkat's hair. "I'm going to talk to the administrators and get this sorted out to where you get to see Gamz."

"Who's running the case?"

GHB smiled at Karkat's question. The kid was smart, already knowing there was an investigation. "Redglare." he replied. Karkat nodded, feeling much better knowing Terezi's mother would be on the case. Terezi had gotten off with parole for her part in Gamzee's assault month earlier for pleading guilty in court and had since rekindled a friendship with Karkat and Gamzee, so they had her support too. Vriska was the one who got a much harsher sentence. GHB's face went serious as he looked at Karkat. "Just know that you will be questioned to rule you out as a suspect." Karkat nodded slowly, knowing full well that he would taken to a police station, questioned, and hopefully crossed off the list of suspects.

Karkat slid out of his father's lap and sighed as he stood. "I'm gonna go home... S-see if I can clean up." Sollux stood suddenly and went to his friend's side, holding his hand. "I'll take you thince I'm guesthing you came with GZ in the ambulance." Karkat nodded and waved good bye to his family before leading the way out to the parking lot. As they walked towards Sollux's car in the cool midnight air, Sollux lightly swung their arms, hoping something, anger or glee or amusement, would show on Karkat's forlorn face, but he was having little success. "KK... He'th going to be okay." he said softly, wrapping his arm around Karkat's shoulders. "He'd never just leave like that, especially when he'th got you waiting on him." Karkat wiped his face and leaned into Sollux. "I-I know... I just... It's hard to think he'll be okay when I saw first hand the extent of his blood loss. It was amazing he could even talk to me." Sollux nodded and felt sympathy for his friend Not long before, Eridan he ended up in the hospital after he got mugged on his way home from work and had called Sollux about it instead of an ambulance. Sollux had seen the damage done to his boyfriend and the blood loss and it had been so hard to think that Eridan would recover. Of course Eridan had and was as active and cocky as ever.

* * *

At Karkat's house, Eridan was picking up broken furniture pieces, glass, garbage, and anything else that needed to be thrown out. He'd practically soaked the carpet in Resolve stain remover and had managed to clean the walls without damaging the paint too horribly. He'd just repaint it later so Karkat wouldn't have to. He had also told himself he'd buy a new couch, new coffee table, and he'd get the paintings that could be salvaged repaired. Terezi had arrived as well and had been busy cleaning the bedroom, which mostly involved dumping Resolve on the carpet. How she knew what and where to clean was a mystery to Eridan. Terezi wandered out to the living room and titled her head. "Hey you said the paintings were destroyed?" she asked, feeling her way over to Eridan. Eridan took her hand and nodded. "Yeah. Most of 'em. The one of Kar wwas really torn up, like the person who tore it hated Kar." Terezi hummed and poked Eridan. "And nothing valuable was taken?"

"Nnnope."

"It wasn't a burglary gone wrong then. It was a personal attack. whoever shot Gam, likely knew him somehow."

Eridan couldn't help but smile. Despite her blindness and seemingly air headed attitude, Terezi was very smart. Eridan had once suggested to her to become a detective, but she reminded him that required eyesight, being a lawyer didn't exactly do that. Plus she was damn good at proving a point. She'd actually finished law school and had her first real case not long ago. She'd been fighting for a man in rape case and all the evidence had pointed to the defendant, a woman, forcing sex upon the plaintiff, but the defendants lawyer was tricky with how he asked questions. Fortunately for the victim, Terezi was just as tricky, getting the defendant to accidentally admit to the crime in a court of law. Not only was she charged with rape, but contempt of court and the defendant got the justice he deserved. Terezi had been quite proud of her first case.

"Ter... I think I found the murder wweapon." Eridan said softly, staring wide eyed at a gun under the broken coffee table. Terezi gasped and grabbed Eridan. "Did you touch it?!" she asked, panicked. "No, I didn't."

"Good. I'll call my mother and she'll get the detectives running the case over here!"

"What'th going on?"

Eridan and Terezi looked towards the door to see Sollux and Karkat, who looked in awful shape. Terezi stumbled over to them, nearly tripping but catching herself on Karkat. "We just found the gun the attacker used to shoot Gam." she explained, fumbling for her phone. "Do not touch it, Karkles. I know you want to." Karkat scoffed and wiped his face clean of tears. "As if I'd do that." he muttered, sniffling and trying to hide his sadness. " I have no intention on staying here for long... Did the police already come through here?" He looked around at all the marks that weren't blood on the walls. It looked like they'd dusted the walls for finger prints, which wasn't going to be much help. "Yeah they did come through." Eridan replied, wandering over. "Wwouldn't let me do a bloody thing for a wwhile. I wwanted to get this as clean as I could before you got home. Sorry I didn't do a good job."

"Where's my cats...?"

Had the situation not been so serious someone might have laughed at Karkat's dismissal of Eridan's apology, but they cats had in fact seemingly disappeared. Karkat began to panic. Those cats were everything to him and Gamzee right now and he couldn't risk losing them. Karkat started to amble sluggishly through the apartment. "Sopor... P-Pins... Imp?... Faygo?" He shook with fear and anxiety, worried the cats had run off or that the police had taken them away from him. A squeaky meow, followed by a deeper meow drew him to the bathroom. He hurried into the bathroom and he sighed with relief at seeing all four cats in the bath tub. Sopor meowed loudly at Karkat, trying to get to him. Faygo, being the parental cat, had hidden himself and the three smaller cats in the bathtub away from police. The police had thankfully left them alone for the most part. Karkat sniffled and picked up Sopor gently, holding the little munchkin cat close to his chest. Sopor purred and rubbed his face against Karkat's comfortingly. Karkat looked down at the other cats and sighed heavily. Pins was huffing in a manner similar to crying, Imp and curled up tightly and shivering, while Faygo kept the two little cats close to his body, like a mother with kittens. Faygo looked scared and ready to start "crying" like Pins.

"KK? You find them?"

Karkat looked over at Sollux and nodded slowly, sitting on the floor. "Yeah, they're all okay." he mumbled, petting Sopor. Sollux leaned against the door frame and sighed as he watched his best friend. It still felt wrong to see Karkat so down. Even when Karkat was having major fits of depression and had serious suicidal thoughts, he was still lashing out in anger and acting strong for everyone, even his older brother. "It hasn't even been a year into our relationship." Karkat muttered, looking angry. "Not even one year and someone tried to kill my boyfriend. I swear, I will hunt that fucker down and kill them my damn self." Sollux smiled a bit and sat next to Karkat, happy to finally see some anger rising out of him. Imp hopped out of the tub and crawled into Sollux's lap timidly, expecting to be pushed away like normal. Sollux smiled at Imp and pulled him close, startling the cat. Contrary to his usual actions towards the cat, Sollux loved Imp and found the hairless thing adorable, if not a bit weird. He found Imp to be a lot like him. Skinny, different colored eyes (Sollux had a brown eye and a blue eye, Imp had a blue eye and a green eye.), and Sollux, like Imp, wanted constant attention from those who never wanted to give it to him.

"Karkles?" Karkat and Sollux looked up at Terezi, who stood in the door way. "The detectives are here." she said. "They gathered up the gun and now they want you to come in for questioning... And, Appleberry you, me, and Grapefish need to leave or we'll be fined for tampering with evidence of a crime scene." Karkat and Sollux both groaned and stood. As they left the room, all four cats followed close behind Karkat. The detectives, a man and woman, stood near the door. The male detective pointed at the cats. "Those have to stay." he said sternly, looking at Karkat with a suspicious stare. "Or they have to go to with one of your friends here." Karkat crossed his arms and snorted, raising an eyebrow. "Or they can come with me." he argued, reaching down to pet Faygo, who was growling softly at the detectives. "They're my emotional support animals. Here, I even have the official papers for them." He wandered over to the lock box Gamzee kept in a hard to reach corner behind the computer and unlocked it. He pulled out the papers he needed and wandered back over. He hadn't been lying, of course. The cats, all of them, were emotional support animals for both him and Gamzee, Faygo and Sopor being specifically for Karkat. The female detective looked the papers over and nodded. "Alright," she said, sounding much more kind than her partner. "These are legitimate. But, unfortunately we can only allow you to take one."

Before Karkat could actually pick, Faygo jumped up and put his paws on Karkat's shoulders, making the small human snort. "Okay, okay, Faygo. You're coming with me. Sollux can you take the others with you?" Sollux nodded and whistled at the three smaller cats, who eagerly ran over. The detectives seemed very confused. "How do you get them to do that?" asked the woman. Karkat shrugged and pushed Faygo back to the ground. "I dunno." he said. "They just do it."

"Well, as interesting as that is, we have to get you in for questioning."

Karkat nodded and followed the detectives, Faygo trotting along behind him. This one thing was going to make his night so much longer.


	18. Will You Marry Me?

**((Author note: Sorry this one took so long, again, lack of motivation and some serious issues have come up. I am also going through a break up so please be patient with me for the next little while.))**

Karkat shivered as he sat in the cold metal chair of the interrogation room. At least that's what he called the small, 32 degrees Fahrenheit, dimly lit room in the police station that only had a chair and a table, both of which were metal. He was thankful he'd worn pants instead of shorts. Faygo sat obediently sat his side, his tail swishing back and forth and looking around the room with an icy stare. Faygo, like Karkat, didn't like the room, let alone the people the room smelled like. Of course, Karkat wasn't fond of the smell either. The entire room reeked of urine, dirt, cement, and bad perfume or cologne. Karkat looked up as the door opened and in walked the female detective he'd met earlier. She was a bit of a larger woman, with short, wavy brown hair and grey blue eyes with fleck of green. She wore glasses and she seemed like a very friendly person, someone who Karkat might have been able to hang out with had he not been a suspect in his own boyfriend's assault and attempted murder. She set a cup of coffee and a few things of creamer in front of him then sat down. "Hi, I'm Detective Britaney Leonard." she said, pulling out a small notepad and a tape recorder. She pressed record and looked up at Karkat, pen at the ready. "Alright please state your name for the record."

"Karkat Vantas."

Detective Leonard nodded and wrote that down. "How old are you, Mr. Vantas?"

"I just turned twenty."

The detective seemed surprised but wrote it down anyway. She'd thought Karkat was much younger than twenty, seeing as he was rather short and was round in the face with big eyes. She was quiet for a moment before speaking again. "Alright, where were you at 3:45pm?" she asked. Karkat sipped the coffee, thankful for it's warmth and caffeine, and thought for a moment. After all the stress he'd almost totally forgotten where he'd been. "Uhm, I was at work. I was working at the Hot Topic at the Asheville Mall." He'd switched jobs shortly after Christmas, seeing as Hot Topic paid better and he fit in a lot better there too. He'd have gone to work with Kurloz at Spencer's, but he hated the thought of having to restock anything in the back right hand corner of that store, so he'd opted for the Hot Topic. Funny enough, he and Kurloz worked the same shifts so they would often carpool together and take lunch breaks with one another. Despite the language barrier, the two got along great. "Is there anyone who can confirm that?" Karkat nodded and told her about Kurloz, explaining that she might need to get a translator of some sort since Kurloz couldn't speak. Plus, Kurloz was nervous about having his phone near cops or detectives because of his tendency to talk to drug dealers and criminals in general, not that Karkat divulged that information to Detective Leonard.

"Okay Karkat, can you walk me through what happened when you got home?"

Karkat swallowed nervously, feeling anxious and not wanting to relive that horror. He reached out for Faygo, who purred and rested his chin on Karkat's knee. The Cancer took a deep breath as he pet Faygo. "Um, s-sure." he said shakily, frightened by Detective Leonard's knew suspicious face. He cursed his anxiety. "I-I got home at a-about four, K-Kurloz drove me home like he usually does."

"You don't have a car?"

"I do, but since K-Kurloz and I work the s-same shift we just... We just carpool."

Detective Leonard nodded, motioning for Karkat to go on, which he did. "Wh-when I walked in I saw b-bloody hand prints on the wall in front of the door. Th-then I... then I looked around m-more and... I-I-I s-saw more blood... Blood e-every where... things were kn-knocked over and broken... Gamzee's paintings were torn t-t-t-t-to sh-sh-shreds." His breathing picked up and he started to shake. Faygo quickly leaned up and licked Karkat's face comfortingly and nuzzled his cheek. Faygo glanced between Karkat and the coffee and Karkat nodded, taking the coffee and downing a good portion of it. Faygo was by far one of the best emotional support animals. It was like the damn cat had a human way of thinking and Karkat was ever thankful for it. Faygo had taken the time to memorize what calmed his human down and what upset him more and it was amazing and just down right fabulous. Once Karkat had calmed down some more, he took a deep breath and continued. "I... I had an anxiety attack s-so I... huddled in the kitchen for an hour b-before I got the nerve to get up.

"I wandered t-to the bedroom and opened the door o-only to find Gamzee on the floor, nearly dead..." He teared up and sniffled, remembering how that hour of waiting could have cost Gamzee his life. "I-I c-called my friend Sollux t-to meet me at the hospital, th-then I called 911 for an ambulance... Wh-while we waited, I-I... I talked to Gamzee and i-it took a minuet, but he-he talked to me... Then the paramedics came and we... We were off to the hospital..." He hugged Faygo a bit, enjoying the purring of the cat, while Detective Leonard finished taking notes. She paused then looked up at Karkat. "Did you see anyone leave the premises?"

"No."

"Did you know the murder weapon was in the apartment at the time of finding Mr. Makara?"

"No, that was found after my friends Terezi and Eridan stopped by to try and clean up the blood in my apartment. They found it under the remains of the coffee table."

"Did Mr. Makara have any visitors over?"

"No. He was at work until 2:45 pm and got home at about 3 pm, give or take if you factor in the after school traffic. He always takes a nape right after work, then gets up to make coffee and cookies for me."

"Where does he work?"

"He's a care taker at the Biltmore Academy Child Care day care center."

Gamzee, fed up with working at a bar, had decided to make use of his degree in Early Childhood Care and actually work with children. It didn't pay as well, but Gamzee was happy and that's what mattered really. Karkat enjoyed listening to the stories Gamzee would tell about all the toddlers he worked and played with through out the day, especially when he sometimes had to bottle feed a baby. Initially, Karkat had been confused about why babies so young were at the day care, then Gamzee explained that the babies all had single parents for one reason or another, and the parents had to work to support the baby. Apparently, the children, especially the four year olds, loved Gamzee and did whatever he said, not that the clown would abuse that power. The kids would go take naps when he told them to, they'd eat snack, come in from play time, and the babies were at ease around him. It had baffled the other care takers, but they grew to enjoy the lanky clown's help. In fact, they'd allowed him to wear his make up, as long as it was more of a comedic, classic clown, to which Gamzee readily agreed, even sometimes dressing as a clown to amuse the children.

"What is your relationship to Mr. Makara?" Karkat sighed heavily at the question, hating it. Normally when he got asked that question he was given backlash for the answer. But, he responded honestly, knowing it would be bad if he lied. "Gamzee is my boyfriend." he replied, not making eye contact with Detective Leonard, fearing negative feedback. Detective Leonard smiled softly. She liked hearing about same-sex couples, especially in times like these. Most of the time, from her experience, if a person has been shot and their partner is the opposite sex, their partner usually is either blank or overly emotional and often times left their partner for god knows what reason. Rarely did she see victims come out of trials and ordeals with their partner on their arm. From her experience.

"How long have you two been together?" she asked, smiling softly. Karkat smiled bitterly and shook his head. "Not even a year yet." he replied, looking angry. "I haven't even been dating him for a year and some... Jackass had to go and shoot him." Detective Leonard frowned sadly. It broke her heart that Karkat and Gamzee hadn't been together long and this had happened. "Do you have an idea of who could have shot him?" Karkat was about to answer no, honestly thinking that was what he knew, then something popped up in his memory. The painting of him, the pictures of him and Gamzee, and even the crab pillow on the couch had all be torn to shreds, like the attacker hated him or just wanted to send a message to Gamzee before shooting him. Karkat got an intense look on his face. "His mother." he said, spitting out the word 'mother' like it was poison on his tongue. "Megan Makara, I think is her name. She's had a grudge against Gamzee, Kurloz, and their father ever since Grant divorced her for beating their sons over something as stupid as manners. She was the one that caused the car wreck with the yellow Volkswagen and Toyota truck on Lexington Avenue awhile back."

"What makes you think she caused the accident?"

"Gamzee's brother in-law, Mituna, was the driver of the Volkswagen and she knew who he was and being the vengeful bitch she is, she tried to kill him to get back at Kurloz to get back at Grant."

Detective Leonard raised an eyebrow. "That's a pretty bold accusation." she said, skeptically eyeing Karkat. Karkat simply glared. "Yeah," he replied. "So is accusing me of shooting my boyfriend."

"It's not accusing, it's covering all our basis."

"By accusing me."

"We are not accusing you."

"You wanna know my response? I didn't shoot Gamzee. If I had, I wouldn't be here right now. I'd be dead too, a bullet in my own head."

Detective Leonard cringed then turned off the tape recorder. She gathered her things and stood up, heading for the door. "An officer will take you to the hospital to visit Mr. Makara." she said, walking out of the room. She'd never met someone like Karkat. He was was timid when he had to talk about things that seemed traumatizing, but then defensive and angry, even sarcastic, when he felt threatened or like he knew something others appeared to be oblivious to. It was a personality type she'd yet to encounter and it honestly freaked her out. She'd have to commit that type of personality to her memory. "Hey you okay?" She looked up and the other detective, Detective Ellis Fitzpatrick, who looked concerned. She smiled. "I'm okay." she said. Detective Fitzpatrick shrugged and went back to work on the case she shared with Detective Leonard.

* * *

Gamzee sat in his hospital room, looking around tiredly as he waited on Kurloz to come back. He'd asked Kurloz to break into his apartment, which he knew was a crime scene, and get something for him. Kurloz had been initially reluctant to do so, which was a bit out of character for the mime, but he eventually relented and headed over to his brother's apartment. The reason the reluctance was odd was because Kurloz had a previous history of breaking and entering all through high school, doing it mostly for an adrenaline high. The first few times, when he was fourteen, he'd been caught for it and put in jail until his father bailed him out. After awhile though, Kurloz got good at breaking and entering, learning how to pick locks, how to avoid security systems, how to silently open a locked window, how to open safes and lock boxes, and even how to silence dogs before he even attempted anything. Eventually, he started to steal things, usually from well off families. Sure, his own family was well off, but GHB was away so often that sometimes he and Gamzee would be left with very little food and funds and they had no real way of telling their father they needed help. So, when Gamzee was asleep, Kurloz would leave the house and go find houses to break into. If he needed money, he'd go to a very well off home and steal cash, never cards or checks. Cash couldn't be traced and the previous owner's identity would be safe.

If he thought he could get away with it, sometimes Kurloz would steal food as well. Usually snacks and small items and canned goods, but sometimes, when he felt real lucky or ballsy, he'd take larger things. Sometimes he'd take steaks, loaves of bread, boxes of food, and even fruits and vegetables. The families would usually notice and some kid would come to school talking about how a shit load of food had gone missing and how their parents were pissed. Eventually, Kurloz became pretty well known among the neighborhood, even outside of town, though no one actually knew it was him. He never got caught.

Kurloz walked into the room and sat on the bed, passing Gamzee the small box he'd asked for. _You're lucky, motherfucker._ he signed. _I almost got caught. There were cops crawling all over your place, brother. Thankfully that was in your room. _Gamzee smiled and thanked Kurloz as he looked down at the box, opening it. Inside it was a simple silver ring that had the Cancer sign on it made of small rubies. It was the ring he intended to present to Karkat to propose to him. He was going to wait, emphasis on was, but he didn't know if he was going to live. He'd been told he had a 35% chance of making it and that was low. Too low. He knew he had to fight, fight for something, but he didn't know what to fight for. He needed something to look forward to. Sure, Karkat was something, but he felt it wasn't enough. It was stupid, he knew that, but he felt like he had nothing else. "Gam?" Gamzee and Kurloz looked up at the door way to see a very tired looking Karkat with an irritated looking Faygo. Faygo hated police cars, especially the radio. Kurloz smiled and waved as he left the room, deciding to give the couple time alone. Faygo hopped up onto a chair and curled up for a nap while Karkat wandered over to sit next to Gamzee's bed. He was glad to see GHB had fixed the whole "not allowed to visit Gamzee because of gayness" situation before he got back. Karkat smiled a bit and took Gamzee's hand. "Hi."

"Heh, hey Kitkat."

Karkat giggled, never thinking he'd ever be happy to be called by that humiliating nickname, but he was happy about it. It meant Gamzee was alive and fighting. His smile quickly faded as he squeezed Gamzee's hand. When he got back to the hospital about an hour ago, Signless had filled him in on the situation and told him exactly what Gamzee's chance of survival was. He'd burst into tears and had to be rocked and cradled by Kankri. He kissed Gamzee's arm, fighting tears. "You'll be fine." he muttered, trying to sound irritated and confident. "You're always fine, you... You dumb clown." Gamzee smiled softly. He'd heard the fear and anguish in Karkat's voice but he chose not to remark on it. Instead he pulled the ring out of it's box and held it in his hand. "Kar," he mumbled. "I got a question to ask you."

"What is it?"

Gamzee bit his lip, feeling nervous, inadequate, and excited all at once. He took as deep a breath as he could and swallowed thickly. "This ain't the... Setting I all up and had in mind for this," he said softly, gesturing to the room around them. It was a stupid hospital room, not romantic at all and he felt dumber for it, but he kept talking. "But... I have a question to ask you. It's a dumb question, you'l probably say no and that's fine, but-."

"Gamzee, what do you wanna fucking ask?"

Gamzee screwed his eyes shut and held out the ring. "Will you marry me?" he asked, bracing himself for the worst. Karkat stared in shock at the ring being presented to him and the question behind it. Marriage... That was a hard concept to think of but... He wanted it. He wanted to be able to have a wedding ceremony with Gamzee, and maybe that was just the romantic in him and maybe his fear of never seeing Gamzee again, but he really... Really wanted to marry Gamzee. Not soon, just at some point in their relationship. He wanted to be able to exchange vows with Gamzee, to wear a ring on his finger that meant something to him, he wanted to be able to throw that dumb bouquet at his friends and family and watch them fight for it, and most importantly, he wanted to be able to have an excuse to call Gamzee forever his.

Shakily, with tear filled eyes, Karkat took the ring and slipped it on his left ring finger. He kissed Gamzee's cheek and whispered, "Yes. I will. Just don't you dare die on me, you piece of shit. I refuse to let you miss out on our wedding. I don't care if I gotta drag you up from the pits of Hell or down from whatever version of Heaven you'll be singing disgusting praises in, you will not miss our wedding. I don't care if it's tomorrow or ten years from now, we will be married and you will not die. If you do die, you can bet your dumb ass I'm following you, then bringing you back, you pie-eating shit clown." Gamzee smiled and couldn't hold back his laughter, despite the fact that laughing hurt like hell. Karkat knew just what to say at the right time and now he felt like he had something to fight for. His fiancee. "I love you, Karbro."

"Heh, love you too, douche bag."


	19. Tell Mama

**((Author note: Finally! The Maryams come into the story! And no, they will not be having anything to do with Gamzee's mother's, I suppose downfall is appropriate. I have actually yet to decide what to do with her in terms of that. But! I am sorry for the horrendously long chapter delay again. I was going through some serious healing and self-discovery after my ex broke up with me. I was angry and had my whole identity shattered so I had to pick up my pieces and glue myself together again. (No, I don't expect you to care, just letting you know that's why there's been such a long delay.) But I am much better now. My room is pure again and I'm feeling good about myself and I'm even losing weight because I'm happier. So, I hope you enjoy this chapter either way, however. And please, PLEASE, if you like this story and want to tell me how much you love it, don't be afraid to use all caps and scream about how much you enjoy it. Don't be afraid of writing me a freaking book report of you want. I LOVE getting comments like that! So, enjoy!))**

**((Orphanos = Dualscar, BTW. I decided to stop calling him Dualscar.))**

Two sets of heels clicked loudly against the tiled floor of the airport followed by the soft paps of flat shoes. Dolorosa chewed her lip as she gazed around the airport baggage claim, her grand daughters, Kanaya and Porrim, being forced to keep an eye out of her luggage. She ignored another flirtatious whistle in her direction and pulled out her phone to look at the wall paper. It was a picture of her son, Signless, holding his own sons in headlocks, neither boy seeming happy about it what so ever. She'd been called by Karkat, a very rare occurrence considering Karkat's nature and personality, and told her to come up to visit, saying it was urgent for multiple reasons. Kanaya passed Rosa her bag and lead the way to some benches outside to sit and wait for Karkat to pick them all up. Rosa stared solemnly at the ground, a habit she'd developed after losing her son ten years ago.

Ten years.

For ten years she'd been childless. First her biological daughter, a daughter she'd barely had contact with after the girl's aunt took her for Rosa, had died to illness, then her adopted son had been murdered in cold blood. And the killer had never even been caught. She had been furious to learn that the police never even bothered to continue the investigation after four years, shoving her son's file into a back room with other unsolved cases, calling it a cold case. Granted, she understood there was a lack of evidence, but the police had never even bothered to check with GHB about potential suspects. Never bothered to talk to Orphanos or Psii about it. Disciple had no idea Signless had even been shot until a year later. The people closest to her son, aside from her, hadn't been spoken to or questioned. She hadn't been allowed to take her grandsons in either. Kankri and Karkat had been put into the system right away, so she'd had no chance to get them and legally claim custody. She was lucky the social worker even gave the boys her phone number.

Now that she thought about it, she hadn't seen Karkat and Kankri since Kankri's wedding, which had been nearly a year. It wasn't really that long considering, but it felt like decades to her. Karkat was twenty now and Kankri was twenty three, nearing twenty four. It had always amused her that Kanaya was only a year older than Karkat, twenty one now, and Porrim was two years older than Kankri, twenty six.

Rosa looked over at Porrim, who was smiling evilly as she texted someone, most likely her ex girlfriend Aranea. Porrim and Rosa jumped as Kanaya squealed happily. Kanaya lifted up her long red skirt and raced over to greet the chubby little man that was her cousin. Kanaya, being much stronger than she looked, lifted Karkat up off the ground and spun him, giggling. Karkat simply hugged back, chuckling softly. "Hi Kanaya."

"Hello, Karkat, dearest. I have missed you very much."

"Yeah, missed you too, Kanaya."

Kanaya gently sat Karkat down, taking note that he looked much more tired than normal. She was tempted to ask about it, but didn't say anything, knowing Karkat might get upset about it. Karkat smiled tiredly up at Rosa. "Hi Nana." he mumbled, letting himself be pulled into a gentle hug while Porrim pet his hair. Rosa kissed Karkat's fluffy hair and gave him a gentle squeeze before releasing him. She sighed as she took note of Karkat's over all appearance. Karkat's hair, while still fluffy, was tangled and more all over the place than usual, his eyes had darker than normal circles under them, he was much paler, and he wore a baggy t-shirt, presumably not his, along with a severely over-sized skeleton jacket. Poor Karkat looked like he'd not slept in days.

Kanaya went to say something to Karkat, but he'd already taken her bags and started to carry them to his car, looking ready to break down any second. The three Maryams followed silently, not wanting to upset Karkat further, which wouldn't have been very hard honestly. Karkat loaded the luggage into the trunk before getting into the driver's seat, the three women getting into the car as well.

"I'll drop you guys off where ever you want to stay." Karkat said, pulling away from the airport. "Just pick fast. I have to get back to the hospital." Normally, Rosa would have scolded Karkat for his tone, but she could tell the young man was stressed beyond his normal levels, so she let it be. She was about to tell him to take her to Orphanos's, when he spoke up again. "Except you Nana. You'll be staying with Dad." Rosa's jaw dropped and she looked at Karkat with a look of anger. Of all people to mock Signless's passing, Karkat was the absolute last person she expected. Kankri would have been understandable, but Karkat? "Karkat, how dare you mock you father's death that way!" she scolded, glaring at her grandson. "That's not only disrespectful to him, but to me!" She wanted to scold him more, but Karkat slammed on the brakes, pulling over onto the side of the road.

"Shut up!" he screamed. "Shut up, okay!? I'm not mocking anyone! What the fuck makes you think you can just throw out judgement calls, anyway?! Huh?! What fucking right do you have to do that?! I'm sorry, but I am really fucking stressed and I don't need you lecturing me! Not when my boyfriend is in the fucking hospital!" He turned away and started to cry angrily, the stress finally getting the better of him. He was just so over all of this drama and being yelled at over nothing. Porrim got out of the back seat and gently helped Karkat out of the driver's seat. Karkat hurriedly sat in the back with Kanaya while Porrim sat in the driver's seat. She sighed and started to drive. "And you say I'm quick to judge." she muttered, glaring at Rosa.

Porrim, while she loved her grandmother dearly, she hated that the woman was so quick to judge anything and anyone. For all Rosa's kind and good intentions, she still ended up being a judgmental person, especially towards men. Porrim didn't know why her grandmother was so against men, albeit silently, but she assumed it might have something to do with the fact that her and Kanaya never knew their mother's father.

"So, Karkat, I hate to have to speak to you while you're upset, but where are we taking Nana?"

"Go onto I-40."

Porrim nodded and did as told, turning on the radio and popping in a CD. She glanced in the mirror as the music played, pleased to see Karkat start smiling a little through his tears. The CD must have meant something to him, which would have made sense since the CD didn't have official art on it or anything, just Sharpie scribbles. The songs were sweet and loving, seeming to be directed at someone specific. She guessed the songs were sung and written by Karkat's boyfriend, which would explain Karkat's sad smile. The songs were for him and only him and his boyfriend had taken the time to write and record the songs then burn them onto a CD just for Karkat. Porrim had to admit. She was jealous her cousin had such a loving and devoted partner. "Karkat, is this your boyfriend singing?" she asked, tucking some hair behind her ear. Karkat nodded slowly and sighed, leaning against Kanaya. "Yeah." he replied sadly. "Gamzee wrote these songs and sang them... Heh, he proposed to be me a few days ago the night he was shot. Well, the morning after."

Karkat got a sad look on his face again, as if remembering something awful. In fact, he started to cry again. "He only had a 35% chance of surviving." he murmured, lying down, head in Kanaya's lap. The three women looked sad as well, their hearts breaking for Karkat. Karkat hadn't really ever had stable relationships, they knew that. Karkat's past relationships were filled with abuse from either party, self destructive behavior, and addictions. Karkat had been slowly committing suicide when he was dating other people. He drank to forget his issues at home of being closeted, he cut to release the pain of depression, he had sex so he could feel loved for once in his life, and he got into trouble. He'd get screamed at by his foster parents, grounded, lectured by Kankri, then he'd just hide away and cut in the bath tub. It was a miserable existence and the three Maryams refused to let Karkat go back down that road.

* * *

"Father, get up! Karkat, Porrim, Kanaya, and Nana will be here at any moment!"

Signless groaned and stuck his middle finger up as Kankri tried to rouse him from his comfy bed. He'd moved into his own apartment to give him time to recover more on his own. Though he was pretty much couch surfing between his place, Psii's, and Orhpanos's. He'd stopped going to GHB's because they'd decided to just be friends again after they'd gotten into a fight that nearly resulted in Signless having a black eye. But, his mother would be staying with him for her visit and he was going to be home as often as possible. Well, he'd have to work, which he was finally able to do since GHB and Redglare had both worked out all the legal stuff for him. He had gotten a job in the local mall at the Earthbound store, which he absolutely adored. He got a fifty percent employee discount on all in store items, and with that discount he'd bought a hookah for aesthetic reasons. He worked the same shifts as Kurloz and Karkat so the three of them always went to lunch in the food court together. Initially, it had been weird going to lunch with his son and Kurloz, especially Kurloz, but they all got along really well now. Karkat had finally learned sign language and the three often spoke that way, always drawing weird looks from other employees and shoppers.

Kankri pulled the blanket off his father in a huff and instantly regretted it. "Oh... My god!" He covered his eyes and turned around. "Do you not know shame?!" he demanded as Signless sat up. Signless chuckled and rolled his eyes. "I'm naked, not masturbating."

"It's bad either way! And tag your triggers!"

Signless roll his eyes again and stood up, pulling on his underwear then going to find some clothes. "Why are you here anyways, Kanks?" he asked. He and Kankri had been getting along much better, but they still acted more like friends than father and son, despite Kankri calling him 'father'. He guessed it was because he'd not been around to treat Kankri as a son. Then again, he'd not been there for Karkat as a father either, yet Karkat still called him dad and acted more like a son towards him. Of course, despite Karkat's loud, abrasive front he was much more emotional than Kankri, who seemed to only really show his softer, more vulnerable side to Cronus.

"I'm here because I was making sure your apartment was clean enough for Nana's visit. And that you were up for her arrival." Signless rolled his eyes and pulled Kankri into a hug, one that was very reluctantly returned. "I appreciate the gesture, Kankri." he said, petting his son's hair. "But I'm the parent here. Not you and your shortness." He pulled away and hurried off to the bathroom before Kankri could lecture him on how triggering height mention could be. The lecture could wait for Tumblr. Both of them had social justice blogs and Kankri always got pissed when he saw that Signless had more reblogs and likes on a post on the same topic. Signless attributed it to his years of experience in social justice and writing. After all, he used to go to protests, used to give speeches to important peoples, and write about these things all the time. Kankri on the other hand, had very little experience compared to him. He had to say though, it was very amusing and endearing to see Kankri try to one up him in writing and lectures. Kind of sweet in a weird way.

When he wandered back into his room, his bed was made and everything was nice and tidy, which actually made him rather uncomfortable. But, he supposed he could entertain Kankri for a short while. He wandered out to the kitchen to find Kankri cooking a mass amount of food. "Any reason for this?"

"Well, Karkat, Kanaya, Porrim, and Nana will all be here soon so I figured I should save them all money and make them a delicious home cooked meal. I especially don't want Karkat eating that disgusting hospital food. Do you know what's in that stuff?"

"No, but I'm assuming you're gonna tell me all about it."

Signless rolled his eyes as Kankri ranted about the different chemicals in the cafeteria food in hospitals, also noting differences and similarities between the hospital food and a public school's lunches. He rolled his eyes again as he wandered to the front door when someone knocked. He opened the door and smiled down at Karkat, who instantly latched onto him. He looked up when he heard two gasps. Porrim and Kanaya were staring with wide eyes at Signless, shocked he was there. He was dead, right? Dead for ten years... Right? Kanaya was the first to speak up. "U-Uncle Cancri?" she questioned, stepping closer. Signless smiled warmly and looked between his nieces. "My my... Hello Kanaya, Porrim. Wow, you two really have grown up." he said. "You both look beautiful." Kanaya stepped up and hugged Signless along with Karkat, followed by Porrim. Signless happily embraced both girls, happy to have his family coming back together. He knew that his "death" had to have been hard on the girls, along with his mother. He knew that after his sons, she'd taken his "death" the hardest. After all, she'd raised him practically from birth since his birth mother died in labor.

The four of them looked up and pulled away from each other when a suitcase hit the porch. Dolorosa covered her mouth as tears welled up in her eyes. It couldn't be. Her son wasn't there. Was he? No, Signless had been killed. His ashes had been sent to her. But, she couldn't help but have just a little faith this man was her beloved son. "C-Cancri?" she whispered, cautiously stepping closer. Signless stepped closer as well, tears filling his own eyes. "Hello, Mother." he said softly, holding his arms open for her. "How've you been?" Dolorosa gently brushed her fingers over Signless's hands then looked up at him. She let tears fall finally as she pulled Signless into a tight hug, pet his hair and sobbing. Her son was alive. Her baby was alive and well and he was here in her arms and holding her tight.

"I missed you." she said softly through her tears. Signless chuckled and gave his mother a squeeze before pulling away a bit to wipe his mother's tears. "I missed you too, Mom." he replied, smiling lopsidedly. "Come on inside. I'll tell you the whole story." Rosa nodded and picked up her suitcase, following her family inside. She smiled softly as Karkat raced over to hug Kankri, who gladly held him close. Porrim hurried over to wipe a smudge off Kankri's cheek. Kanaya took her grandmother's bags to the guest room before joining her sister and cousins in the kitchen. Dolorosa smiled fondly, finding it adorable that her grandchildren all got along well, even if Kankri and Porrim fought consistently over one thing or another.

Signless guided his mother to the living room and sat with her. He didn't want to tell this story all over again, but his mother deserved to know what had happened to him over the last ten years.

* * *

By the time he'd finished his story, Signless had broken down into tears twice. Both times, Karkat had brought him some tea, cake, and a hug. Karkat was such a good kid that it was hard to believe he was the angry little guy he really was. Dolorosa rubbed her son's leg while he ate his second piece of cake, curled up a bit into a ball. Rosa had cried during the story, feeling angry, worried, and saddened all at once. She'd never really imagined that sort of thing really happening to people, but her own child had gone through it, and i broke her heart to hear about it.

Kanaya walked up and curtsied politely. "Forgive my interruption, Nana," she said gently. "But Karkat, Porrim, Kankri, and myself must leave. Rose is expecting me and Aranea is expecting Porrim. Oh! And of course, Kankri has to go get ready for his date with his husband." Rosa nodded and smiled. "Alright darling. Go on." Kanaya hurried away after curtsying again, then followed her sister and cousins outside.

Signless smiled softly and set his cake plate aside. He seemed very proud. "I'm so glad Kankri still goes on dates with his husband." he said softly. "Most of the time when people get married they stop dating. They think marriage means just living with each other and having sex shit like that. It's not." Rosa bit her lip in concern as her son's face darkened. Marriage had been a tough subject for Signless since Kankri and Karkat's mother walked out like she did after Karkat was born. She had treated the marriage like it was a thing she was forced to deal with when she'd signed up for it. Signless had never been fully trusting of people since, and with this new incident to consider, it was amazing to her that Signless willingly slept in his friends's homes at night. Rosa bit her lip and paped her son's arm. "Sweetie... Have you been having... Self destructive thoughts again?" she asked, worriedly.

Growing up, Signless had always had issues with keeping himself from harming himself in some way. Drinking with Orphanos, smoking pot with GHB, and self harming with Psii. At one point, she remembered, before he'd met his ex-wife and had his sons, Signless would have sex with someone different every night and always get drunk or high before or after it. Signless was a well behaved, but rebellious child. She'd used to want to yell at him or ground him for all of the rebellion, but the most she found herself able to do was talk to him about things she'd done at that age. She'd been wild in her youth as well. Going to parties, getting drunk or high, having sex, or just generally rebelling. Of course, she'd explained to Signless that such actions had resulted in her daughter.

Signless chuckled and smiled at his mother reassuringly. "No, mom." he said, confidently. "I'm fine. Just miffed about some things." Of course he was lying. He had been having destructive thoughts, but he'd been dealing with them better than he had when he was younger. Better meaning he wasn't self harming or doing drugs. Instead of cutting or smoking pot, he would have sex and drink a little. It was better than when he was younger, but not by much. He wasn't going to tell his mother about it though. Not when he'd let Karkat into that world. One night Karkat had come over in an upset stupor so they'd gotten drunk together and watched stupid movies.

Rosa smiled lovingly at her son, petting his hair, glad to hear he wasn't hurting himself in any way anymore. "Well, alright." she said, standing and yawning. "I am going to get some rest and we'll talk later, okay?"

"Alright, Mother. Sleep well."


End file.
